Open Thread: Jokes

Hosted by a laughing kitty

In case you're one of the three people who hasn't heard yet, the defense for the Zimmerman trial started off their opening statements with a joke.  The attorney flubbed the delivery, but it was supposed to go like this:

Knock knock!
Who's there?
George Zimmerman!
George Zimmerman who?
Great you're on the jury!

Most people were upset because the joke was completely inappropriate given the seriousness of the trial. However, because my priorities are excellent, my first reaction was "Wow, that was hilarious!  The first time I heard it.  During the OJ Simpson trial."

Anyway.  So I found some better jokes for you!

Knock knock!
Who's there?
To who?
Actually, it's "to whom."


A police officer pulls over a car full of mathematicians.  Looking in the front window, he says, "Do you know you were going 100 mph?"  Heisenberg throws his hands up in disgust.  "Oh, thanks a lot," he says.  "Now I'm lost!"

Snarling, the cop says, "Ok, wise guy, open your trunk, I wanna search this car."  Moving around back, he looks in the trunk and blinks.  "Hey, uh.  You know you have a dead cat in here?"  From the passenger seat, Schrodinger exclaims, "Well, we do now, asshole!"

At this point, the cop is pretty pissed off, and he attempts to arrest the whole group.  But in the backseat is Ohm, and he's resisting.


Q: Two cats sit on a gradually inclining plane.  Which one slides off first?
A: The one with the smallest mu.


A young English professor is arrested and thrown into jail.  As it turns out, though, the jailer's wife is beautiful and lonely, and finds him very attractive.  One night, she comes to him and makes him an offer.  She will steal her husband's keys, she says, and let him go free - in exchange for one night of passion.

Shocked, the English professor pushes her away.  "Madam, that is unthinkable," he tells her sternly.  "One must never end a sentence with a proposition!"


And my absolute favorite silly joke:

Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick!

Open thread!  Share your favorite jokes below.  Bonus points for nerdy or obscure jokes!
~ Kristycat

Monday Reminder!  While I have fun coming up with pretty pictures and/or interesting “prompt” questions for open threads, you aren’t limited to those!  These threads are open - go wild, talk about whatever moves you!  (Just remember that this is still a safe space, please!) 

And, like on all threads: please remember to use the "post new comment" feature rather than the "reply" feature, even when directly replying to someone else! 


Q: What do you call a black guy flying an airplane?
A: A pilot, you racist!


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