Welcome to Ramblings! Please check out the index pages, as they are the best way to navigate this site. If you're interested in my published works, please check out the writings page. Thank you!
|
Welcome! |
|
Metapost: Google Album and Blog Images |
Recently I received an email from Google saying this:
Hi Ana, You’re receiving this email because you’ve viewed Album Archive recently or you may have some content that is visible in Album Archive. Starting on July 19, 2023, Album Archive will no longer be available. We recommend that you use Google Takeout to download a copy of your Album Archive data before then.
The thing is, this is confusing because (a) all I've ever used Google Albums for was Blogger images and (b) Blogger images directly upload to Google Album. There's not really an option to put them somewhere else, as far as I know. So... I have no idea what is going to happen to images on the blog when the 19th rolls around. I've backed up all my images with an exporter that Google sent me, so I'll still have the images, but if they break and stop showing, I'll need to update them manually each time. I guess just let me know if you see a post with an image missing? Thanks, and I know this is a pain for everyone.
|
"Reading is Ableist" and Other Things I Haven't Said |
I think it is very silly that I have to address this, but I have not said--nor do I believe--that "reading is ableist". I do not even know what those three words would even mean when applied in that order; reading is a skill that some people have and some do not, but a skill is not inherently ableist to possess or wield. What I said was that mocking people for not reading is ableist because some people cannot read.
At this point someone will mock my statement that "some people cannot read" by bringing up that audiobooks exist and forgetting that there are people with disabilities which preclude them from reading those too. And that disabilities which preclude print-reading can coexist alongside disabilities which preclude audio-reading and that it's just a generally good rule not to mock people for not engaging in a complex skill like, for example, reading.
Reading: Not ableist (nor can I fathom how it could be).
Mocking people: Often very ableist (and rarely kind or necessary).
|
News: USPS Covid Tests |
There is a new initiative at the USPS where they will send 4 covid tests out to a residential address upon request. It is very easy to sign up; the only required fields are name and address. Here is the web link, but you can also get there by googling "usps covid": https://special.usps.com/testkits
|
Testing: Disqus Notifications |
This is a test to see if Disqus notifications arrive in my inbox now. (They haven't been for almost a year and I've missed them very much.)
|
Metapost: Questions, Concerns, Suggestions |
Content has been slow this year and there's reasons for that which I won't belabor. What I would like to know is whether folks would enjoy regular "reposts" of the old deconstructions. Those reposts allow folks to comment again (or for the first time) on old material that is currently locked down. It also gives you something "new" to read every week, if you want that.
Thoughts on whether this feature would be welcome?
|
Metapost: A Short History of My Dominant Hand |
I suppose I need to make an announcement about this instead of belly-aching all over Twitter, so here goes: My dominant hand needs surgery.
I found this out on March 9th when I went to a hand doctor about my finger (middle, right hand) acting funny. They diagnosed it as a "trigger finger" about to lock up and gave me a shot that had a 50/50 chance of clearing up the problem and possibly alleviating some of the pain. Not only did the problem not clear up, the pain increased and the condition spread to the next finger over (ring finger).
I wanted to get surgery as soon as possible and bounce back right away, but two problems stood in the way of that: one, my insurance wouldn't let me have surgery until April 9th (for horrible, no-good reasons) and two, apparently my hand will have stitches in it for two weeks. Cue screaming because I honestly do not know how to go two weeks without writing and survive.
What does this mean right now? Well, from now until May I will be less available to blog, tweet, write, email, comment, moderate, or otherwise exist online. (I know about voice transcription and yes I will try it again, but previous forays have indicated that it is not conducive to my creative process.) I am hoping that this doesn't affect my book publishing plans and my patreon schedule, but I mean. That's... we'll have to see.
And that's all, really. Sorry to bear bad tidings!
|
Metapost: A Brief Summary of Medical Stuff |
[Cross-posted from my Patreon]
Since yesterday, I have almost 60 new patrons--and many of my existing patrons have adjusted their pledges upwards in order to help me. I cannot, I can never, thank you enough. Thank you so much.
[TW: Medical Stuff, Internalized Ableism]
For those who do not follow me on Twitter, yesterday I learned that the health insurance my employer switched us over to for 2018 doesn't cover my pharmaceutical meds. The pills I take to manage my pain (and which I gushed about as so amazingly life-changing in my last Patreon newsletter!) are now $400 a month--with another monthly $100 charged to administer a physical examination to determine whether I'm using these drugs properly. (This involves rigorous urine testing to see if I have more drugs in my system than I'm "supposed" to.)
A wonderful and beloved patron reached out to me yesterday and paid for my February meds, because I was having a panicky meltdown about going into the weekend without this resolved. (thank you thank you thank you!!) Meanwhile, new pledges poured in while my phone blew up with love. I have never seen anything like what happened yesterday. You are all magical and beautiful star-children and I feel blessed to know you and write for you. I went from feeling like a "burden" on the medical system and like the world would be better without my existence, to feeling safe in the arms of hundreds of people sending me love and affirmation.
Thank you.
Right now, we have a tentative plan forward in terms of medicine. My doctor wants me to try a different medicine which is itself $500 a month, but for which they have "coupons" which bring the price down to a fifth of that sticker cost. How long those coupons will last and how many I'm allowed to use is something they're checking on. So it's not the best solution in the world, but it'll hopefully keep me alive and pain-free for another couple months while we figure something else out.
My spouse is being wonderfully supportive through all this (as are my comfort cats--who are highly attuned to when mommy is upset) and he's doing everything he can to help. I'm drafting up an "in case of emergency" list of instructions for him on what to do with my Patreon, Twitter, blog, etc. in case I'm unable to post for any reason.
I love you all and thank you so much. I'm humbled and grateful to have you here. Monetarily, your support means more than I can say; emotionally, your support is equally invaluable. When I can create lovely combinations of words that touch others, I feel like I'm bringing beauty into this world. With you here, I don't feel like a "burden". ♥ ♥ ♥
[/TW]
Today I'll be scheduling Patreon posts for February and they'll go up on the 1st. You'll get a slew of emails that morning! I'm really excited about the things I'll be posting, and I hope you like them as much as I do. ;) I also plan to get a Narnia up this weekend (tentatively tomorrow?) and I'm excited about that, too.
|
Metapost: A Book, I Wrote One |
*stumbles in*
I have a completed first draft of an entire book.
Narnia posts will resume as soon as I shovel my brain back in.
I love you all.
|
Meta: New Indexes |
I've been reading Will Wildman's analyses of Orson Scott Card's work again this week and I link to those a lot on here, so I'd like to do a "blog roll" type thing on my Index page that links to other deconstructions. Sort of a "if you like this, you might like these" type of things.
I know we have a lot of deconstructions in our community and I am probably not going to be able to gather them all up myself, but if you would like to compile and send one to me, I will add it! Here is the format I'm using in HTML, if you want to send me one to post.
» <a href="URL">CHAPTER 1</a>, POST TITLE
» <a href="URL">CHAPTER 2</a>, POST TITLE
» <a href="URL">CHAPTER 3</a>, POST TITLE
|
Metapost: Patreon Launched |
This is just to let everyone here know that I have a Patreon account here. Patreon is kind of like a paid blog for writers and creators to... create things. I'll be posting writing snippets there and also it's a good way to sign up to get free books when they come out. It's not, like, a bargain to be clear; it's just a way for people to support me if they want to support me and have a bucket of money handy to fling at my face. Money bath, if you will.
Some folks have asked questions so I'm gonna do a little faq thing here.
QUESTION: Should I change over from a Paypal subscription?
ANSWER: Honestly, that is 100% up to you; I don't "favor" one method over the other. I've tried to set up a plethora of donation options to cover everyone's needs. If you already have a Paypal subscription up and don't feel the need to move over to Patreon, that's fine! No need to mess with what works.
QUESTION: Does this mean you have work behind a pay-wall now?
ANSWER: Well, yes, sorta, for a very brief time? Patreon posts that would also fit over here will migrate over to Ramblings after a short delay (and maybe a little more editing), so over the long-term you won't miss much content. Some of the posts over there won't come over here, but that's because they're writing drabbles that will be expanded into actual, like, published works. It's probably just my own brain-weasels, but I'm shy about putting unpolished writing drabbles out on the blog for everyone to comment on. For the same reason I don't post nudes, really. So, um, yes, there will be some brain-nudes on Patreon if you're interested in those.
QUESTION: Are you abandoning Ramblings?
ANSWER: Oh my gosh, no. This place is crucial to my mental health. Plus, I don't think my writing-patrons want to hear about Narnia twice a month. ♥
QUESTION: Is there going to be a Narnia post soon?
ANSWER: I'm writing one right now, so I hope so. I've been distracted by existential crushing dread (also known as: Politics) but I'm going to try to get one up today. Also, I have a newish video up on YouTube if you want to watch me try to escape from fictional prison. (I fail.)
|
Metapost: Blog Upkeep |
I'm doing some Behind The Scenes blog upkeep this week. So if something seems slightly different to you, it's probably not your imagination playing tricks. Thank you for your patience.
|
Metapost: Illness |
[Content Note: Orlando]
I wanted to pop in to let everyone know I'm still alive. I've had an upper respiratory virus for over a week now and it's kicking my butt, but the doctor says I'll be fine with time.
I wanted to put up something about the Orlando event this weekend, but I don't have any words for how sad I am for us all. I wrote some stuff on twitter and some people said it helped, so I'll share here.
I love you all. Can everyone also give love to Chris, who puts up open threads for us? I do not know what I would do without her help. Thank you, Chris.
|
Metapost: Thank You |
I want to thank everyone who has donated this year and particularly this month. Every donation is deeply appreciated and helps out. Thank you.
|
Metapost: The Toast |
Today I learned that The Toast is closing. I completely respect, understand, and honor their decision while also grieving deeply for a truly great feminist humor site. I know a lot of the readers here also read there, and there was tremendous overlap in interests between our sites. This is a space for folks to grieve if they need and want.
I have a lot of feelings about this, not least coupled with the guilt I feel about my own slower posting schedule. I actually am here--I read all the comments! and love them!--but I'm acutely aware that my "output" has drastically dropped. This is not due to burnout so much as lack of time in the day--I'm writing a lot, but it's "book" writing and therefore not blog-posts. Balancing the two has been very difficult for me; the mental "switching" between the two forms of writing is hard.
I've thought about posting fic on the site just to have content, but the few times I've posted fic I don't think it caught a lot of interest--the overlap between people looking to read nice shiny fic vs. people looking for bookish deconstruction may not actually be 1:1. Possibly I need to just practice switching until I'm better at it and go from there, I don't know. I will try, at any rate.
Anyway. This is a notice to let people know that I'm still here. *hugs* to everyone who wants them.
|
Metapost: I Live, I Lurk, I Languish |
Okay, I'm not languishing very much, but I couldn't think of another L word. :P
I'm here! I'm alive! I'm reading the comments and enjoying them very much. You may also note that I posted another Narnia repost today. I am going to try really hard to get a new Narnia out this week. This week has been busy.
[TW: Medical Stuff]
Specifically, January and February are just historically bad months for me. I'm dealing with medical stuff that has basically shot my short-term memory all to shit, so a friend is helping me setup extensive to-do lists with things like "bring bear to bed" because otherwise I will forget to bring my bear to bed despite the fact that I forgot the last 50 nights in a row and had to get up after settling in. And family and friends have been told to email me for literally anything they want me to do because no matter how hard they stress it in person or over the phone, I will forget if it isn't written down for me. We're adjusting and fortunately no one has been too mad with me.
Also: January and February are "gather up all your tax documents and fret about that whole indie author thing because IRS" months for me, so that's going on too. Little stuff like that. It'll be fine. I'm fine. Everything is fine.
[/TW]
Speaking of authory things, I'm trying not to spam the board with book updates, so I've revived my old Wordpress site to be a Very Mature Adult Author site. There are things there. Most of which you've already seen, but one post is new. There's also a subscribe button, and I feel a little burst of joy every time someone presses it and I get a subscription email.
Uhhh, other than that, I guess I uploaded another Undertale video. FOLLOW ME ON YOUTUBE? FOLLOW ME... EVERY WHERE? FOLLOW ME TO THE GATES OF HEAVEN, WE WILL STORM--
*ahem*
Sorry, I get carried away sometimes. Anyway! I'm here. Hi! :)
|
Metapost: Re-posting? |
Chris the Cynic has pointed out to me that some of the long-term deconstructionists online have started re-posting old material because (a) some folks understandably don't want to comb through the archives, and (b) it lets people have a discussion again (since the comments on those old threads are long-closed).
Would this be something ya'll would enjoy here? It would be a way to have Narnia stuff to talk about while I'm dealing with the never-ending cycle of sickness, lol.
|
Metapost: That Thing Where I Talk About My Back (Sorry!) |
[Content Note: Medical stuff]
I never know how much ya'll want to know about my medical stuff, and honestly that doesn't parse well with my depression cycles where I'm just genuinely not capable of judging my own relative worth to people. (I'm frequently astonished to find that you don't all hate me, which is a very strange feeling when it hits! It's like a very confusing Christmas morning sprung on me in mid-July.)
So.
|
Metapost: Still Here! |
I'm still here. I meant to get a Narnia out today, but I'm not sure that's going to happen and I'm sorry. We've been tweaking my medication at the doctor and it's altering my moods like whoa and making it very difficult to concentrate on things the way I'd like.
In, uh, slightly cheerier news, I wrote another book. So that's going to be a thing. It gets sent off to the editor today and I'm excited/terrified/fluttery about that. Let's all share a fleeting mental image of a squealing dolphin. That's me. The dolphin is me.
|
Metapost: So. Um. Hi. |
So. Um. Hi. *waves* I'm here. I haven't stopped existing. :)
I'm incredibly and intensely grateful to Kristy and Chris for keeping the open threads going, as well as to everyone for commenting in them. I get the comments, I read them, they make me happy. I've been going through a bad place with my depression, and it's nice to have those nice things to brighten my day.
There will be a Xanth post going up after this, mostly because I just... needed to write something today, and we'd left off there and it helped to write about it. I don't know if there will be more, I don't want to get anyone's hopes up, but it's there and um. Yeah.
I don't really have a lot more to say about the stuff that happened earlier this year beyond what I've already said. I am still very sorry to all the people who have been hurt by my words and actions.
I do think--and I understand that this isn't an excuse--that there have been misunderstandings that I don't really know how to avoid or correct. Frex, I've seen people take my earlier comments about this being an "Advanced Feminist Space" to mean that I think I have no privilege or I'm perfect at feminism or nothing ever goes wrong here, when really I just meant "if you show up asking me whether I've considered that maybe women lie about rape, you're going to be shown the blog-door because I get no pleasure from rehashing rape apologetics 101."
I don't really know how to correct or avoid misunderstandings like that, since the misunderstandings seem to predicate on words meaning different things to different people. I will just say that I'm sorry that my failures to communicate have harmed people. I've tried to remove references to that phrasing, since that was apparently a source of confusion. And I am sorry for all my other failures, both in communication and just, um, general human beingness.
This is, and always has been, a private blog by a private person. I'm sorry that I ever gave the impression otherwise, and I will try to be clearer about that in the future. I'm sorry that I have harmed people in my interactions with them, and I will try to be more thoughtful in my responses. That's all I have, really. I'm sorry, and I'm thankful and grateful to the people who have been kind enough to stay and be supportive as I work through my depression and other sundry health issues.
Thank you.
