Utena: Loss and Recovery

[Utena Content Note: Abuse, Sexual Assault]

Links: Froborr's excellent posts and color symbolism guide are here. I'm watching the subtitled episodes contained in the blu-ray collection here.

Revolutionary Girl Utena, Episode 11-12: "Gracefully Cruel, The One Who Picks The Flower" and "For Friendship, Perhaps"

Wakaba makes Utena lunch to show her love, but they're interrupted by Anthy bringing lunch to her. Touga approaches and Utena watches as girls crowd around him. I think she wonders if there's something wrong with her that she doesn't want him. Is she a girl if she doesn't want him? If she *does* want him, does that mean she's not a prince, that she's like the other girls? So many genderfeels and queerfeels about this arc.

At the student council, they discuss Nanami's defeat while balloons float by. Juri deduces (logical blue balloon) that Nanami fought in order to lose (because she wants to be a princess?). Miki, who has been Nanami's friend, calls out Touga's so-called brotherly love as a green loyal-friend balloon flits by. Touga observes that even if a trap was laid, it's the fault of the victim for falling in the trap. The stronger the feelings one has for someone, the more vulnerable they are.

Open Thread: Brick Leaf Sculpture


Taken in Longfellow Square on Tuesday the 17th.  It's part of the Art Underfoot installation. 

(Sorry this is days late.)

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We have special open threads set aside for discussing various movies, said discussions including plain text spoilers.  These are the current ones:
   ● Birds of Prey
   ● Star Wars: Episode IX -- The Rise of Skywalker

You do not need a special open thread to discuss a movie.  Provided you encipher any spoilers (the standard method is by summoning Cthulhu) discussion of movies is quite welcome in the regular open threads.

The special threads are for cases where movie-talk might threaten to drown out other discussion, is expected to take place over multiple weeks, or both.  If you believe a given movie calls for one, simply say so.

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Friday Sunday Recommendations!  What have you been reading/writing/listening to/playing/watching lately?  Shamelessly self-promote or boost the signal on something you think we should know about - the weekend’s ahead of us almost over, so give us something new to explore!

And, like on all threads: please remember to use the "post new comment" feature rather than the "reply" feature, even when directly replying to someone else!

Film Corner: Poseidon



Poseidon

I keep thinking I should, like, let people commission me for #AnaWatches but today's Netflix offering is POSEIDON. You'd think that would be a movie about the god of the sea romancing, like, a lady dragon but no it's about a cruise ship getting all fucked up. "It was supposed to be a dream cruise...until a rogue wave came along. Now it's a nightmarish battle for survival." Let me just say that I enjoy disaster movies wherein rich jerks get killed.

I'm assuming THESE people are all virtuous blue collar workers who work on the ship or spent their retirement pension on tickets or otherwise are out of place among the glittering 1%ers. But a cruise disaster on a 1%er ship would be wonderful.

This cruise ship doesn't even look that big. A guy jogs the length of the ship which is big but seems like it could be bigger, idk, maybe I'm just picky. Elsewhere, inside a huge cabin two lovebirds canoodle. Old Dad walks in and scolds them for touching hands. Girl calls out his condescension and stalks out.

In an ostentatious lobby, Jogger seems to magically intuit that a girl who seems impressed by everything is probably, like, a stowaway or something rather than just starry eyed by the big shiny boat. He's nice to her anyway, so I guess that's a low bar of Good. An older man begs an answering machine to "call me at midnight". Old lover or estranged child? YOU DECIDE.

The captain gives a New Years Eve speech and I feel reflexive distress. Do normal people like New Years Eve? Jogger and Slut Shaming Dad play high stakes poker together. Dad slut shames his daughter for having cleavage so she reveals he's holding a pair of fives. Good on her. Virtuous Single Mother runs into Poker Jogger as he gently helps up the boy who ran headlong into him. VSM shuts down Poker Jogger hard when he tries to come onto her by negging other women and I'm on her side.

Ok, whoever had money on Old Lover for the lonely sad gay man wins the pot. First mate can feel and then see a tidal wave coming. How does he feel it through his feet? Why is there no warning? They start trying to turn the ship which seems complicated. The entire ship is turned upside down for its own hubris and everybody dies.

The captain in the main ballroom wants everyone to stay put and wait for rescue. The main characters are deciding otherwise. We have Poker Jogger, Rich Dad, Gay Architect, Single Mom (and child), and Stowaway's Brother. Stowaway, Daughter, and Boyfriend are trapped on the disco floor. Our first threat: fiery kitchen. From fiery kitchen we go to elevator shaft to next floor up/down. Current Threat: the elevator in the elevator shaft thirsts for human blood.

Jesus. They actually wrote and filmed an old, rich, white man being "forced" by circumstance to shake off to his death a blue collar, non-white young man, lest they both die. That's a really disgusting writing decision!!! To make it even worse, the older white man had been flirting with / perving on the young man mere moments before, so that was a hell of a choice. What the actual fuck.

The two groups of protagonists have rejoined. For no reason whatsoever, Stowaway reveals to Gay Architect that the guy who died was not her brother as I thought but instead just a guy she was fucking in order to get passage to see her sick brother in New York. Great. She doesn't know he just died and she doesn't know it was the Architect who killed him so this is just...contrived so we don't have to feel too bad about his death? Who wrote this. Who.

Additionally, except for Stowaway, all these people are filthy rich. Why. Why wouldn't you make them employees or pensioners or blue collar lotto winners. Did we still sympathize with rich people in 2006???? So far, the two people who've died have done so minutes after receiving a name. The captain and everyone who waited in the ballroom on his orders are now dead. Having him be a Black man who was wrong about literally everything was another choice. Christ, this movie.

Everyone gets stuck in the ventilation system while Elena, who I'm pretty sure is our only remaining person of color and Not Rich, has a claustrophobic panic. They have to flood a room for pressurization reasons and swim for safety; fate itself snags Elena for watery death. The white protagonists weep. The white protagonists are reassuring themselves they did all they could for Elena. A way out opens up, but the white Single Mother and Child are swept away. Remembering dead Elena, Poker Jogger goes back for the pretty white woman he wants to bone.

How everyone hasn't frozen to death in all this ocean water is beyond me. We're down to: Architect, Daughter and Boyfriend, Single Mother and Child, and Poker Jogger. Architect seems the least likely to survive at this stage, just based on archetypes.

Men do important things while the women watch. They got out and onto a raft, then paddled away from the collapsing ship. It looked immensely silly. Helicopters rescue them before they freeze to death and our white, rich protagonists laugh the easy laughs of people who know the ensuing medical care will not bankrupt them. Good god, that was awful.

Film Corner: American Psycho


American Psycho

I've never seen AMERICAN PSYCHO before and it's on Netflix. Should I? Okay, I'm watching it. This movie is 19 years old and I feel old. Blood or possibly raspberry jam is being sloshed over the credits. Aw, man, I remember when every dish on the Food Network looked like this and it was new enough to be awesome.

I...I hate all these people. Is that going to be a problem? "Only $570" for lunch, oh my god. Christian Bale's nice smiley character is telling the nice bartender that he wants to kill her, so I don't like him either. His multi-lotion skincare routine is probably supposed to be alarming but I'm just like "so basically what a lot of women go through, huh. that's rough, buddy."

@SMLXist. I'm glad you decided to watch it! I hated it for my first viewing, and it took a second to understand that it's a female-directed satire meant to skewer the toxic-est of masculinity (i.e., the book itself).

*perks up*

Oh god, this pretentious man thinks he's a *special* sociopath when in reality he's just a boring shitty rich white cis man so far who thinks sexually harassing his administrative assistant makes him edgy. I was gonna complain that he doesn't actually seem to be doing any work, but apparently his dad owns the company. His fiancee (Reese Witherspoon) is giving him a hard time for refusing to marry her. Honey, you can do better than him. Everyone is rich, attractive, adulterous, and pretentious. So that's a thing, I guess.

I'm howling laughter at the business card scene and I do not think I'm supposed to be?

Like?? I just?? Hate them all so much?? Like, my hatred was hot and red when he was yelling at the dry cleaning lady, but now it's cold and viscous and I just want to drop him in the ocean. He's the worst but they're also all the worst? "If you're so hungry, why don't you get a job?" Oh my god. I hate him so much, can we set him on fire, is that an option.

Oh shit. He really does think he's a *special* awful white man, what the blinking fuck nuggets. "What does the Grinch want for Christmas and don't say breast implants again" honey literally why have you not set him on fire why why why why. There have been TWO Donald Trump references already, and I-

What.

We've gone full Jim Carrey, he's Jim Carreying. REALLY NO ONE NOTICES THE BLOOD STREAK HE'S LEAVING EVERYWHERE? The apartment is going to kill me with straight up rage for how much everything cost. Willem Dafoe is somehow NOT the villain in a movie? He's so nervous! I thought you were a *special* shitty white guy, huh, baby? WHY YOU SO NERVOUS THEN? *stomps on his face*

WHY YOU ACTING SO CLEARLY GUILTY, HUH? Maybe you're not a special shitty guy after all and you're just a regular shitty guy who thinks he's special. *stomps stomp stomps* I'm actually super happy that he's bad at this and this isn't some kind of love letter homage to serial killers like I was afraid it would be.

"So. Don't you want to know what I do?"
"No? Not really."
asdkhakjdhakjdha

Oh god, I hate him so much and I love the sex workers who aren't impressed by him but I'm so fucking nervous for them. FUCK. Okay, they left alive at least but jesus. These men are just the woooooooooooorst, set them all on fire.

Oh no, oh no, oh no, honey, you have profoundly misunderstood many things. I do like the Columbo thing Dafoe has going on. I cannot get over how he thinks he's a Special Genius because he can fake being nice for a few minutes. I'm so scared for his secretary. Oh no, his fiancee. Oh no. I do like that approximately 70 billion people have sent me Sady Doyle's excellent piece on this movie during this thread, which tells me that I'm following / followed by the best people. Oh, thank god his secretary got out safely.

HOW IS THE OTHER APARTMENT NOT RENTED OR A CRIME SCENE? THE!! ACTUAL!! FUCK!!??

Well, that was, uh. That. Huh. That... huh.

I mean, needless to say Sady's piece is spot-on.

When do the rose petals happen? Or is that another movie with "American" in the title. I think that's American Beauty, it's fine, it's all good. I've missed a lot of films, that's all. Every time I see their closets, *I* want to commit a murder. God, just the sheer amount of MONEY in this film. Is this elderly blonde woman God? Is she going to smite him? She *looks* like she could smite him.

YES, GOOD SECRETARY. WEAR PANTS. INVESTIGATE. CALL THE POLICE. BECOME A FEMINIST. I am loving the fact that every white guy he knows mixes him up for *other* white men because they all look the same. The...? Fuck...??? Okay, I don't understand. Is Paul Allen dead or isn't he?? I mean, the larger point--that rich white 1%ers are terrible--is well taken.

Nope, I've decided that they're all dead and the lawyer guy is Satan and the realtor lady is God. Fuck you, I do what I want. Well, not fuck YOU, the reader. Just a sort of general "fuck". No realtor lady would be like "there was no ad in the Times", she would sell him that fucking apartment and he would like it. Ergo, she was not a realtor and was instead God. Also I remember it was established that everyone kept thinking Paul Allen was other white guys, like they do with Bateman, so they're all just interchangeable.

Anyway, Sady's article was good. Do I recommend *watching* the movie? Eh. Maybe just the business card scene. I don't regret it, but I don't think I'd watch it again the way I did Silence of the Lambs.

Utena: Enter Nanami

[Utena Content Note: Abuse, Animal Cruelty]

Links: Froborr's excellent posts and color symbolism guide are here. I'm watching the subtitled episodes contained in the blu-ray collection here.

Revolutionary Girl Utena, Episode 10: "Nanami's Precious Thing"

We open with Saionji being kicked out of school. He's wearing blue, and I'm not sure yet what to make of that. A wounded Touga tells him he'll work to reverse Saionji's expulsion. Saionji gives Touga his exchange diary (the one he keeps with Anthy) and Touga promises to take care of it before burning it. [Kissmate: "He was the vice president of the council and outside of the first episode when he appeared with Anthy, we never once saw him in those scenes." Me: "He always felt like an outsider, even though he was supposed the reigning duelist until Utena showed up."]

A new letter has arrived from the End of the World; it's Touga's turn to fight Utena. Juri and Miki offer to duel in his place since he's wounded and Touga tells them not to worry because there's a new duelist. We cut to Nanami slapping Utena and accusing her of being responsible for Touga getting hurt. Utena is uncharacteristically passive, apologizing meekly to the other girl. Touga appears and rescues her, telling Nanami to stand down and helping Utena up; again, she passively accepts his help and looks up at him in a very submissive manner that is at odds with how she's behaved up until now. The slap on her cheek looks like a blush, making her seem like a princess rather than a prince. [Kissmate: "This feels like a mirror of the times Saionji slapped Anthy and Utena saved her." Me: "In the greenhouse, like this scene." Kissmate: "It's a shock to see Utena here because you expect to see Anthy here getting abused and instead it's her." Me: "And she's not fighting back."] Utena muses in their room that maybe a girl can't become a prince, her legs tucked up to hide her face from Anthy.

Utena: The Castle Comes Crumbling Down

[Utena Content Note: Abuse]

Links: Froborr's excellent posts and color symbolism guide are here. I'm watching the subtitled episodes contained in the blu-ray collection here.

Revolutionary Girl Utena, Episode 9: "The Castle to Hold Eternity"

More opening thoughts from Kissmate: "Through the destruction when the prince awakes, the horses rise from the rubble and begin their fight-and-befriend jousting sequence. The blue filter when Utena and Anthy are separated... it's logical that Anthy will always be in danger of being taken from Utena, because of the Rose Bride role she fills?"

We open with Saionji and Touga sparring while women cheer them on. We don't see any actual girls, but rather their voices are dubbed over the swords as though the swords are the ones cheering. Kissmate notes that the two men "only see women as tools, weapons, in their fights. Saionji wants to use the Rose Bride to revolutionize the world, and it ties into how Anthy *is* the sword of Dios: women are weapons. These girls are training swords; Anthy is the real deal. Other women are just training wheels to cut your teeth on in preparation for the one that matters. Also: Saionji is posed with his sword up, power poised to strike, while Touga has his sword down, patient and waiting." (The broom tells them to shh and I think it's Juri. Because she's the council member doing most of the work, she cleans up their shit? Kissmate thinks the voice is a teacher and not Juri.)

Film Corner: Sunshine


Sunshine

SUNSHINE: In the year 2057, Earth's last hope lies with a spacecraft whose mission is to deliver a nuclear device designed to reignite our fading sun. I was informed this would be a good one after Event Horizon. I'm a little worried because it sounds like that dreadful CORE movie where they wanted to jump-start the earth's core and usually I can deal with Science Doesn't Work That Way but that one was a doozy.

Oh my god, they sent a mission to restart the sun and called it "Icarus". Surprising no one, the mission was lost before it reached the sun. That's what happens when you name your project something smart-ass and doomed like that. Earth is frozen in a "solar winter" and I don't know what that is. Some astronauts are going to fly a bomb into the sun in order to restart it. Sure.

They called the second ship "Icarus II", it's like they're *trying* to be eaten by aliens. An astronaut with the most calming voice in the world wants to look at the sun from the ship. Even 3.1% of the sun's light is painful and overwhelming and awe-inspiring and whatnot. MICHELLE YEOH IS IN THIS FILM?!?!? <3 br="">
Over dinner, they discuss the fact that increased solar winds will soon cut them off from the ability to message the moon. Michelle Yeoh works in the ship garden, which has simulated rain, while Cillian Murphy sends a final message home. He says it takes 8 minutes for light to travel from the sun to the earth, so home will know 8 minutes after they're successful. Is...is this a suicide mission?

Oh, no, he says he'll "see them in a couple years", so they're apparently hoping to survive "bombing the sun" or whatever. I am skeptical. People are now taking turns "bathing in light" which seems possibly not healthy but okay. One of the men tries to beat up another of the men for "taking too long" recording his message and now the solar winds are too high to send. Rose Byrne reports "an excess of manliness breaking out in the comm center" in the most bored voice and I love her.

Huh, this is a Chris Evans movie. That's a lot of names in this film. They have a holodeck. Chris Evans apologizes in the worst possible way and I love him + want his character and Cilian Murphy's character to kiss. Give me gay astronauts, dammit. Apparently the fate of the first Icarus is some kind of mystery that haunts the captain. Everyone rushes to the observation room to watch Mercury boogie across the sun.

The nerdiest of the nerds on board says he...heard a transmission when Mercury passed by, the iron in the planet acting as an antenna. I'm-- Maybe it's the first Icarus? Sadly, there's no Latin screaming like in Event Horizon. Ah, it's the Icarus distress beacon. We have no idea if they're even alive; they have solar power, recycled water, and plants to create oxygen but in order to survive on the food they had, some folks would need to be...dead.

The Icarus almost made it to the payload point at the sun and I'm super confused; are they in a low-earth... er, low-star orbit? It's been seven years, how has the sun's gravity not pulled them in? How are they precisely in position for the Icarus II to pass nearby them?? The sun is not *stationary* in space; it's moving; in order for Icarus to be at the payload point, they'd need to have somehow achieved a low-star orbit that maintained their exact initial position and that seems really unlikely to me?? I AM HAVING A HARD TIME WITH THIS.

"We could fly straight to them," one of the people say. "But we're not going to!" Chris Evans objects and I'm kinda with him? Restart the sun first, guys, THEN mount a rescue operation you haven't been trained to do. Like, this isn't Star Trek! This ship was built to restart the sun in order to save all of humanity; it doesn't have, like, rescue gear and shit.

Another crew member points out that, yes, the Icarus crew is expendable but the payload bomb isn't: two bombs equals two chances to restart the sun. Uhhhh, did they just napkin-math the "how much bomb do we need in order to save humanity"? Someone points out that the "But extra bomb!" plan assumes that the ship can even be flown and that whatever stopped their mission wasn't a fault in the ship. (The...the ship engines *can't* be faulty, though, or it would've fallen into the sun.)

Rose Byrne, one of 2 women on-board, has done basically nothing but sob this entire scene. Great representation, guys. I think Michelle Yeoh had one line and has otherwise had to silently let the men argue over her. Cilian Murphy is put in charge of the decision--no vote--because he's the physicist and the one best equipped to decide whether they need the second payload.

The math turns out to be "asking the computer to run a shiny simulation in the holodeck" which seems like anyone could've done. "Variables infinite; accuracy unknown" is stated by the computer and I... I need to go for a walk. Oh my god. Event Horizon had harder science than this and I remind you that was the movie wherein a ship became a sapient evil lifeform because it black holed itself into a hell dimension! This science is so soft you could spread it on a biscuit and not get any crumbs!

"Space and time will be smeared together! Everything will distort, everything will become unquantifiable!" NO NO NO NO NO WHAT NO WHAT?? Math! It's basically just a guess! Magic! Unicorns could fly out of the sun and shit rainbows all over the planet!!!! "It's like flipping a coin and asking me to decide whether it will be heads or tails" *SCREAMING* "Two last hopes are better than one" and that's the decision. Absolutely no thought whatsoever into whether this will endanger their mission and leave them with NO hope.

Earth is gonna die because of a skinny white boy and I just. Rose wakes Cillian up to tell him that *she* thinks he made the right decision, even if Chris Evans and the rest of the sensible people don't. Because of course the single girl is wet for our nerd hero, lolsob, kill me now. Hang on, we had to pause so Girlfriend could start the movie.

The pilot fucks up the new trajectory and I'm screaming WHY WASN'T YOUR WORK PEER REVIEWED BY ONE OF THESE OTHER FUCKS. Someone needs to go outside and check on the damage, so it's spacesuit time. And now the white girl is literally dressing him in his spacesuit. Michelle Yeoh is smarter than this. I'm just. Her character is trying to go inside a burning room and there's literally nothing she can do.

"Is he getting lesions on his skin from those sun baths he's been taking?"
"I...think so? Odds of him becoming a serial killer?"

Michelle is making group suicide plans to save oxygen while Rose mopes about her impending death. Cillian does useful, hopeful things. Such feminist. ARE THOSE FACES?!? OH GOOD THE CAPTAIN OF THE ICARUS I WENT FULL RELIGIOUS FANATIC. "God, he's like the Ross of the group."

Huge triggering warning for self harm, okay. Men who don't WARN PEOPLE that there's an unknown presence on the ship and instead go to confront it BY THEMSELF must be removed violently from the island. Again: everyone is dying because of a skinny white boy and I am UNHAPPY. (No offense to Cillian.)

"If you need to put a filter--both noise and visual--in order to be creepy, you failed at being creepy."
"Wait, what does he look like??"
"It's the Deadpool makeup. He looks like Deadpool."
"YES SHE STABBED HIM."
"NO KEEP STABBING!"

We're now down to 3 white people. Poor Mace. He was a true paladin.

....Girlfriend is covering my eyes.

"What happened?"
"She ripped his skin off like a wet condom."
"She's literally here to give him moral support in the fight. That's all."
*makes jerkoff motion*

That was GARBAGE what the heck?

Open Thread: Orange Lamp


While tradition calls for lamps such as this to be made from tangerines, the way that the orange peels were coming off made me think it might be possible to do it with an orange.  It was.  You're looking at the result.

The lamp was made with an orange peel and canola oil, the principal tools used being a pizza cutter (when it turned out my thumbnail wasn't long enough) and a lighter.  A knife was also used give the hole at the top a more uniform shape and appearance than came naturally.

Picture taken last night in my kitchen.

-

We have special open threads set aside for discussing various movies, said discussions including plain text spoilers.  These are the current ones:
   ● Birds of Prey
   ● Star Wars: Episode IX -- The Rise of Skywalker

You do not need a special open thread to discuss a movie.  Provided you encipher any spoilers (the standard method is by summoning Cthulhu) discussion of movies is quite welcome in the regular open threads.

The special threads are for cases where movie-talk might threaten to drown out other discussion, is expected to take place over multiple weeks, or both.  If you believe a given movie calls for one, simply say so.

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Friday Recommendations!  What have you been reading/writing/listening to/playing/watching lately?  Shamelessly self-promote or boost the signal on something you think we should know about - the weekend’s ahead of us, so give us something new to explore!

And, like on all threads: please remember to use the "post new comment" feature rather than the "reply" feature, even when directly replying to someone else!

Utena: Juri's Love

[Utena Content Note: Abuse]

Links: Froborr's excellent posts and color symbolism guide are here. I'm watching the subtitled episodes contained in the blu-ray collection here.

Revolutionary Girl Utena, Episode 7: "Unfulfilled Jury"

During the Covid-19 quarantine we're under, I'm showing Utena to my Kissmate for the first time. He didn't know anything about the show except that there's a school fencing team that the protagonist accidentally ends up on. (cue me cackling with evil delight) I told him I thought he'd like the series because there's a lot of symbolism and he eats that shit up. We talked about the colors and whipped through the first six episodes before I realized that I had an unfinished blog post about this show and maybe I should, you know, continue that. (sheepish)

Film Corner: Dead Space


Dead Space: Downfall

I have just found out they made a DEAD SPACE movie, so it's time for an #AnaWatches thread and you get to come along with me. DEAD SPACE: DOWNFALL. "On a deep space mining mission for the crew of USG Ishimura to a remote planet, an ancient religious relic is unearthed and brought aboard. But when the unholy artifact unleashes a long-dormant alien race, its glimpse of Heaven transforms the ship into a living Hell." I'm informed this is animated. EVEN BETTER.

We open with a low fidelity video recording in which Alissa Vincent wearily explains that an ALIEN LIFEFORM took over the bodies of her crew and killed everyone for giggles. Security footage of spaghetti marinara splattered all over the ship. She says her ship and the artifact they found need to be destroyed. I really would've added more details about the alien(s?) and how they do the body snatching. Seems important.

We cut to DEEP SPACE MINING COLONY AEGIS 7 and I have a moment of sadness at the thought of humanity strip mining other planets. Is that an actual theme in Dead Space or is the mining just a means to the Hell Artifact? Three people in space suits explore a mining hole and comment that nothing looks like it should. I swear there are giant claw marks in the cave walls, but they think it looks like an old excavator model did it. They find a twisty spiky obelisk thing that is clearly evil so that's cool.

"Artifact discovered, could be a second marker, please advise."
"Unitologist church has been notified."

Oh no, is this based on the second game? Am I watching these in the wrong order? Hang on. No, Wikipedia says DOWNFALL is a prequel to the first Dead Space game. I just didn't realize the unitologists already existed, look you could fit what I know about this franchise into a patchwork quilt. "Launch of Ishimura on schedule" omg not only is this a prequel but we're in a flashback. NESTED LAYERS OF PAST TENSE.

"Unexplained violence among some of the colonists" is always a fun thing to hear in a horror movie. And it feels terrifyingly realistic that the powers which be wouldn't admit to zombies or demons until too late. We cut to Alissa as she bored-ly examines case files of a dozen grisly murders. "That's odd. What's going on down there?" she asks in the same tone of voice I use when the garage door seems a little sluggish to open. She lacks urgency is what I'm saying.

Like, I assume she's just supposed to be a calm and collected badass, and also being emotionless in affect isn't a BAD thing, but it makes me think maybe grisly murders are common in this society and the only odd thing here is their number. Which I'm probably not meant to think. She also takes professional video calls in her sports bra, which I can't really criticize because I would too if I could get away with it.

Alissa suits up with a badass leather jacket, cop badge, and gun. Her badge says she's SHIP security and I don't mean to be obtuse but I'm confused why she's reviewing colony murder logs. Men discuss the artifact while they prep it to load onto the ship. Apparently the unitologist church--I refuse to keep typing that out, it's the unity church now--thinks it created humanity. Why?? I'm entranced by the idea of a popular religion which doesn't posit mankind's origins on earth. Seems like that goes against both our psychological need to be the center of the universe and, like, science.

There's also something fascinating (and perhaps deliberately ominous?) about a church named Unity which already contradicts science and every major religion I can think of. It's almost Orwellian and I like it.

Alissa meets with the ship captain and protests bringing the artifact on board, on the grounds that the colony murders are weirdly coincidental in timing. The Captain says these things happen in deep space colonies that are "2 and a half years old". Uhh. I don't know if we have faster than light travel but I have questions about how that statement can possibly be anything other than laughably impossible.

I know it's unfair of me to want world building in every space horror movie, but I always end up wondering how terrible things must be back home if people are willing to take these faraway, awful, dangerous jobs. Like, I found Star Trek believable because the people genuinely seemed like they were there for adventure or out of a sense of community service. But that was a "sometimes unknown danger" job and not "come work as a miner under conditions which will break you in 2 years or less".

The...the ship just winched a huge chunk of the surface into space and I've never seen anything like that but it also looked really impossible. A murderer who is also a prisoner in the medical bay (on the ship?) begs the medics to kill him because "they need bodies". Only with difficulty do they sedate him. So apparently the murderers are trying to prevent alien body snatchers?

The writing in this movie could be better, and y'all know by now that I have very low standards.

Two pilots enter a building and there's biological alien matter all over the walls. This, and the philosophy they're spouting about "dead planets" (vs Earth) is less interesting to me than knowing where the hell they are. Is this building part of the colony? Ok, these pilots are ACTUAL colonists and the flickering light and bio matter covering all the walls is new. "I'm gonna check on [my sick wife], catch you later," is casually uttered. WHAT?!

I want you to imagine that you drive home to find your normally steady overhead lights flickering wildly and your walls are covered with biological material that wasn't there this morning and looks like tendons or vines. Imagine yourself using a CASUAL TONE at that point. Dude hears women screaming and creatures growling so he runs home, opens the door, LEAVES IT OPEN, and then casually looks for his wife.

[TW: self harm] She stumbles in and says "they want our bodies" before killing herself. If everyone is reacting this way, seems like there won't be many bodies to gestate (?) inside. The ship had been briefly jammed from the colony's signal but now re-acquires the feed. In a matter of...minutes? hours? the entire colony was slaughtered and the interior was remodeled into a Throbbing Hell Bowels design.

Alissa wants to take a team down to "know what we're dealing with". The Captain refuses on the grounds that the risk to the ship crew is too great. We're not supposed to agree with him (he's with the Unity church) but he's right? The pilot manages to get his dead wife into his shuttle and heads up to the Ishimura; unfortunately, there's something on board. Uh oh, his dead wife isn't as dead as I previously thought.

The prisoner wakes up in the medical bay, follows a trail of blood to the morgue (never do that), and finds giant...I think they're moths. Giant moths are eating the morgue bodies. I have no idea how much time has passed between each scene change, and that's not good for a horror movie. Why didn't they stick with Alissa as a POV character? That would've been infinitely better than all this POV hopping which leaves the viewer confused.

I'm tempted to hazard that someone didn't believe a girl protagonist would hold audience interest and instead gave us these bouncy vignettes that leave us puzzled and distinctly unhorrified. I maintain the vignette style of this movie is to its detriment. We're halfway through and still introducing new characters, which is bad for pacing and engagement--audiences don't know who to care about or focus on.

The latest guy is a big engineer who, like the crew, worships the artifact for reasons I can't begin to understand. He convinces the crew not to mutiny over their desire to touch the giant obelisk. The security team is weirdly chill about the morgue being covered in blood and 20 dead bodies missing. They joke about shooting the living dead. When necro-whatevers do start chowing down, they panic in your traditional ALIENS style reaction. I do like the horror of having little life monitors on all the crew members blipping out one by one.

The ship security team sure does have a *lot* of bullets. A more suspicious person would wonder about that. Big engineer dude is now saving the security team with, idk, it's like a lightsaber slash engineering tool. The Captain is having an emotional breakdown and yelling about taking the artifact back to earth, monsters be damned. Someone or something launches all the escape shuttles, trapping everyone on board. I love these science fiction doors that slam closed on monsters and bifurcate them. You'd think that would normally be a safety issue.

It's nice to see a horror sequence in a hydroponics bay. And I think that's a baby with tentacles. The scientist decides to wreck the ship in order to save earth and the security lead leads out a team to stop him--a plan which I'm not sure I agree with. Like, I get having hope and refusing to lay down and die, but you guys are obviously fucked.

Alissa watches a necromorphening first-hand so her opening "we're all dead from monsters" flash-forward which refused to include any details was apparently just her being stubborn and secretive. Cool, cool. (This is a common problem with opening flash-forwards and why they must be deployed cautiously and with great care.) Alissa meets up with the scientist, who insists he's crashing the ship to protect earth. He's basically Ripley and I'm struggling to disagree with him. Alissa tackles him but he gets away after locking the guidance systems down.

Chased by zombies, Alissa backs up against the marker and realizes they can't get close to it. She theorizes the marker kept them *trapped*, rather than creating them. Then again, she's doing her flash-forward message saying the ship and the artifact need to be destroyed, so idk. Nor do I understand why she still thinks she needs to prevent the ship from crashing. She now does neither of those things and instead vents herself and the zombies into space. The movie ends as another ship tells the bridge zombies to "prepare to be boarded".

Well, it didn't have plot or consistent characterization, but I guess it was a prequel as advertised!

Open Thread: New Ties


I honestly would have preferred "Ties, Old and New" but, of the pictures I took, this was the most visually appealing image.  The thing about shooting through a chain link fence is that it limits your options; I shall blame the lack of any equally good looking images that show both old and new ties on that, rather than my ability as a photographer.

I'm sorry I took so long to the create the Birds of Prey open thread.  It looks like the interest that would have justified the existence of said-thread died down before I actually created it, which wouldn't be the case had I created it in a timely manner.

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We have special open threads set aside for discussing various movies, said discussions including plain text spoilers.  These are the current ones:
   ● Birds of Prey
   ● Star Wars: Episode IX -- The Rise of Skywalker

You do not need a special open thread to discuss a movie.  Provided you encipher any spoilers (the standard method is by summoning Cthulhu) discussion of movies is quite welcome in the regular open threads.

The special threads are for cases where movie-talk might threaten to drown out other discussion, is expected to take place over multiple weeks, or both.  If you believe a given movie calls for one, simply say so.

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Friday Recommendations!  What have you been reading/writing/listening to/playing/watching lately?  Shamelessly self-promote or boost the signal on something you think we should know about - the weekend’s ahead of us, so give us something new to explore!

And, like on all threads: please remember to use the "post new comment" feature rather than the "reply" feature, even when directly replying to someone else!

Open Thread: Painting on the Basement Wall


Time hasn't been particularly kind to this, but it's aged fantastically when compared to the lighthouse it's sailing toward.  Picture taken in my basement three days ago.

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We have special open threads set aside for discussing various movies, said discussions including plain text spoilers.  These are the current ones:
   ● Birds of Prey
   ● Star Wars: Episode IX -- The Rise of Skywalker

You do not need a special open thread to discuss a movie.  Provided you encipher any spoilers (the standard method is by summoning Cthulhu) discussion of movies is quite welcome in the regular open threads.

The special threads are for cases where movie-talk might threaten to drown out other discussion, is expected to take place over multiple weeks, or both.  If you believe a given movie calls for one, simply say so.

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Friday Recommendations!  What have you been reading/writing/listening to/playing/watching lately?  Shamelessly self-promote or boost the signal on something you think we should know about - the weekend’s ahead of us, so give us something new to explore!

And, like on all threads: please remember to use the "post new comment" feature rather than the "reply" feature, even when directly replying to someone else!

Movie Open Thread: Birds of Prey


This is a place to discuss the movie Birds of Prey, including spoilers (without need for ROT 13 Cthulhu summoning.)

Unfortunately the "Current Comments" feature removes whitespace so, to avoid spoilers appearing there, please use some space for non-spoiler comments or just start your comment with some nonsense.

Example nonsense:
[nonsense] Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, id soleat doctus sit, cum te erant omnium. Invidunt periculis at cum, eos diam vivendum no, ea qui vivendum legendos. Verterem similique ut pri, iisque prodesset voluptaria no nam. Eos esse mollis et, mei no putent utamur praesent, nec ex solum saperet. No has soluta molestie.[/nonsense]
And, like on all threads: please remember to use the "post new comment" feature rather than the "reply" feature, even when directly replying to someone else!

March Newsletter (2020)

I LIVE!

How is everyone doing? I've been having this weird fever that comes and goes every evening for about 2 weeks. I wander between 100 and 103 degrees Fahrenheit, Kissmate hovers fretfully around me and takes my temperature a lot, and I slur my words and laugh more than I probably should. I'm a happy patient, I guess.

But it has meant that my productivity has taken a hell of a hit. We were able to get some live-watches up for Twitter on one or two of my worser nights, but I'm behind on the next chapter of Miriam and Emil. I will have it up for you this month, I just beg a few more days to finish it! I'm so sorry.

In more personal news, things are going in interesting directions. I'll have some more formal news up soon I hope, but the short version is that you may soon see a GoFundMe up on Twitter for Kissmate's top surgery which they could not be more excited about. We'll keep you posted, and I appreciate all well-wishes. Surgery is always scarier for me on the rare occasions when it's not me going under the knife.

In Case You Missed It

Index to Blog-Reads: Here.

YouTube Let's Plays: Here.

Tumblr Funnies: Here.

@DivorceKittens: Here.

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I'm sorry for the delay on content and I am going to make it up in time, I promise. Thank you so much for sticking with me. I love you all and love hearing from you; the comments on here are always my favorites. Stay tuned because I'm bringing more soon!

Open Thread: Light Through Foggy Glasses


Sort of a glimpse of how I see things.  Picture taken Wednesday night by holding my glasses lens in front of my camera lens.

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We have special open threads set aside for discussing various movies, said discussions including plain text spoilers.  This is currently the only one:
   ● Star Wars: Episode IX -- The Rise of Skywalker

You do not need a special open thread to discuss a movie.  Provided you encipher any spoilers (the standard method is by summoning Cthulhu) discussion of movies is quite welcome in the regular open threads.

The special threads are for cases where movie-talk might threaten to drown out other discussion, is expected to take place over multiple weeks, or both.  If you believe a given movie calls for one, simply say so.

-

Friday Recommendations!  What have you been reading/writing/listening to/playing/watching lately?  Shamelessly self-promote or boost the signal on something you think we should know about - the weekend’s ahead of us, so give us something new to explore!

And, like on all threads: please remember to use the "post new comment" feature rather than the "reply" feature, even when directly replying to someone else!

Open Thread: Just Some Clouds


So, on the one hand, this is a day late.  On the other hand: four weeks in a row!

I really am sorry for failing to keep up with the open threads.  Too early to say that that's changed, this streak is, at least, promising.

On the topic of the picture, for a while I thought the micro USB port on my camera was broken because I couldn't charge the camera and had great difficulty getting the connection to remain active for long enough to get pictures off.  As such, I haven't been taking many pictures lately.  This picture is over a month old.  Specifically, it's from January 14th.

I believe it was taken from a Marden's parking lot, where I happened to be sitting inside my sister's van without much to do.  For a very long time, "Marden's" was known to me solely from a catchy jingle I heard on the radio, which went:

I shoulda bought it
When I saw it
At Marden's.

(The catchy nature of it was tied up in delivery, not wording.)

After 2010, that changed for me because I learned that Paul LePage ran the company.  I've sort of spent the decade (slightly less, but not by much) thinking of them as evil because of that.  That's honestly unfair.  While I question their staffing decisions, given that they had someone like him as general manager for four years,* his association with Marden's ended when he became governor, and it has never been reestablished.

* The same can arguably be said of the State of Maine.  While LePage never received a majority of the vote, and under current rules definitely wouldn't have won election and probably wouldn't have won re-election, he came pretty damned close to a majority when he ran for re-election.

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Now, having told you all more about Marden's and LePage than you ever wanted to know, we can get on to the rest of the open thread post.

-

We have special open threads set aside for discussing various movies, said discussions including plain text spoilers.  This is currently the only one:
   ● Star Wars: Episode IX -- The Rise of Skywalker

You do not need a special open thread to discuss a movie.  Provided you encipher any spoilers (the standard method is by summoning Cthulhu) discussion of movies is quite welcome in the regular open threads.

The special threads are for cases where movie-talk might threaten to drown out other discussion, is expected to take place over multiple weeks, or both.  If you believe a given movie calls for one, simply say so.

-

Friday Saturday Recommendations!  What have you been reading/writing/listening to/playing/watching lately?  Shamelessly self-promote or boost the signal on something you think we should know about - the weekend’s ahead of us here, so give us something new to explore!

And, like on all threads: please remember to use the "post new comment" feature rather than the "reply" feature, even when directly replying to someone else!

Open Thread: Eventide Sky


Taken from my porch on October 7th.

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We have special open threads set aside for discussing various movies, said discussions including plain text spoilers.  This is currently the only one:
   ● Star Wars: Episode IX -- The Rise of Skywalker

-

Friday Recommendations!  What have you been reading/writing/listening to/playing/watching lately?  Shamelessly self-promote or boost the signal on something you think we should know about - the weekend’s ahead of us, so give us something new to explore!

And, like on all threads: please remember to use the "post new comment" feature rather than the "reply" feature, even when directly replying to someone else!

Open Thread: Ice on a Windshield


Not much to say about this one.  While I think the liquid water in the upper right adds to the picture, it doesn't add enough, in my opinion, to make it into the title.

Sorry that this is late again, but at least it exists.

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We have special open threads set aside for discussing various movies, said discussions including plain text spoilers.  This is currently the only one:
   ● Star Wars: Episode IX -- The Rise of Skywalker

-

Friday Sunday Recommendations!  What have you been reading/writing/listening to/playing/watching lately?  Shamelessly self-promote or boost the signal on something you think we should know about - the weekend’s ahead of us basically gone, so give us something new to explore!

And, like on all threads: please remember to use the "post new comment" feature rather than the "reply" feature, even when directly replying to someone else!

Open Thread: Puppy


There are sixteen dogs in my sister's house now.  Her two adult dogs, their thirteen puppies, and a housemate's adult dog.  This is one of them, her name (for some inexplicable reason) is Panda-dora.  When the picture was taken she was a month and a week and a day old.

Sorry there was no Open Thread a week ago.  Sorry this is so late.

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We have special open threads set aside for discussing various movies, said discussions including plain text spoilers.  This is currently the only one:
   ● Star Wars: Episode IX -- The Rise of Skywalker

-

Friday Sunday Recommendations!  What have you been reading/writing/listening to/playing/watching lately?  Shamelessly self-promote or boost the signal on something you think we should know about - the weekend’s ahead of us almost over, so give us something new to explore!

And, like on all threads: please remember to use the "post new comment" feature rather than the "reply" feature, even when directly replying to someone else!

February Newsletter (2020)

I'm actually terribly ashamed to realize only now that I never put up a January newsletter. I thought I did! I distinctly remember writing it in my head and posting it, like, mentally. Just apparently not online and I am so sorry for that. I hope you haven't all been left wondering if I'm okay and were able to see on my twitter feed that I'm still alive. I live! Woot!

January was a tough month full of nevertheless wondrous things. Kissmate escaped a profoundly bad situation and moved in with me, which has been basically the best thing that I've ever experienced, ever, and I'm informed that they feel the same way about me. (eee!!) My mother's health reached a plateau where it wasn't getting worse (good), came through a difficult surgery with flying colors (good!), and is doing so much better that she's even able to urinate a little now without a catheter (great!!).

I myself was sick with a very nasty cold-flu-thing that played hell with my voice for the first week of January, got better, and acquired my first urinary tract infection in the last week of January. What a wild ride! Not helping was the fact that my insurance cut me off my meds-which-work to move me onto meds-which-don't-work for purposes of saving money for the shareholders. My doctor is fighting with them, but it's a process that takes literal months and in the meantime I have no recourse but to be in agony. That part sucks quite a lot, I won't lie.

It's hard to be a productive writer when you're in worse pain than usual, and I've been distracted by a lot of bad things (health, parents, politics) and some amazing good things (kissmate, online friends, cats). But I am taking steps back towards productivity because I miss writing and I miss being able to write for you all.

Old Projects

A big roadblock for my older projects was that when I'd sit down to write on them, my brain would take me back to the last time I worked on them, which was when my ex was here. Going over my old notes was an exercise in pain because it was like I was reliving a lot of really awful experiences each time. It's clear that this isn't going away with time, so I'm taking steps to speak with a writing mentor to talk about my old notes and try to "push through" those bad memories to build new ones.

New Projects

By the time this posts many of you will have already seen the first part of my new vampire story. This is something I've been wanting to do for a while, and explores a cult survivor escaping childhood trauma with someone she's been told is evil and damned. Kissmate is helping me write this one and it's been very cathartic. I think it'll end up a long short story rather than a short novel, but either way I'm excited at the prospect of exploring a world that has previously been too painful for me to really write about. (There's a reason most of my protagonists are non-religious.)

Other News

- I want to get back into my Let's Plays now that my voice seems to be back. Knock on wood that I don't lose it again just for saying that, lol.

- I do plan to get back to live-watching terrible films. There's been a bit of a delay because (a) Kissmate and I are trying to backfill old episodes of Great British Bake Off and Critical Role (sort of... we're still on episode 1 of campaign 2, which is where we started), and (b) because it's hard for me to be witty when my pain meds aren't working. I see my doctor on the 7th to talk about switching prescriptions to something else.

- Please let me know if you're in the $5 tier and haven't received a No Man of Woman Born bookmark. I had excellent records of whom I had mailed and who I hadn't but then I stopped tracking subscription changes when I fell ill and now my records are a mess.

In Case You Missed It

Index to Blog-Reads: Here.

YouTube Let's Plays: Here.

Tumblr Funnies: Here.

@DivorceKittens: Here.

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I hope you're all very well.

Open Thread: Snow Day


Picture taken yesterday morning on my sister's farm.

-

We have special open threads set aside for discussing various movies, said discussions including plain text spoilers.  This is currently the only one:
   ● Star Wars: Episode IX -- The Rise of Skywalker

-

Friday Recommendations!  What have you been reading/writing/listening to/playing/watching lately?  Shamelessly self-promote or boost the signal on something you think we should know about - the weekend’s ahead of us, so give us something new to explore!

And, like on all threads: please remember to use the "post new comment" feature rather than the "reply" feature, even when directly replying to someone else!

Film Corner: Blood Rayne 2

Blood Rayne 2

This evening's terrible Amazon Prime movie is dedicated to the Twitter person who yelled at me for doing these. Last night's BLOODRAYNE was pretty bad, but there's a 2 and a 3 and I'm a completionist PLUS sometimes sequels are better than the first shitty movie. We call this "Dungeons&Dragons sequel syndrome". The entire description is...the shortest description we've done so far. "Blood Rayne is back! This time, the sexy heroine battles a gang of merciless vampire cowboys led by Billy the Kid."

That sounds kinda awful, but on the other hand I liked PRIEST (2011) and that was basically the same thing but with Paul Bettany. Paul is doing god's work by keeping me bi, though, so he can carry a pretty weak premise. We're opening with theme music that makes me want to bust out HE RODE A BLAZING SADDLE!!!! I never played these games; are the movies anything like the game plot?

Film Corner: Blood Rayne

Blood Rayne

Ok, we're on a zombie roll so let's try ATTACK OF THE SOUTHERN FRIED ZOMBIES. "Lonnie, a crop duster pilot, must lead a mismatched group of survivors to escape the deadly zombie horde after an experimental chemical intended to control the invasive kudzu vine--" Oh no. Why wouldn't you test it first if you're going to SPRAY IT OUT OF AIRPLANES. Ok, it's a test field and not downtown Charleston, but there's kids in the field drinking illicit beers. Zombism ensues.

The duster pilot is telling the scientists that southerners LOVE kudzu and "we even cook with it". I-- Like, I'm sure kudzu is edible but please be careful where you pick because anything, like, growing ROADSIDE isn't great for you, I'm pretty sure. They're cooking goats who eat the kudzu and feeding people at a festival, so I'm assuming that'll be a disease vector. There's some kind of weird jingoism where the scientists are a Japanese woman and a German man, and they don't understand the rich cultural ways of The Great American Sith.* (*autocorrect, and it stays.)

Two girls are kissing! Downside: all the men are sexualizing them and I'm pretty sure one of them is the sister of one of the infected boys which means she won't make it past the 30 minute mark. ....we are twenty minutes into this movie and I'm about to bail from sheer boredom. The big drama so far has been over competing meat pie booths. THEY'RE STILL GOING ON ABOUT PIES, WE'RE HAVING A FIVE MINUTE CONVERSATION ABOUT PIES. I'M OUT. Why would anyone make a zombie movie and then fill it with fair grounds bickering over meat pie ingredients.

Ok, maybe the problem was choosing a ZOMBIE movie. Let's try vampires. Oh hey BLOODRAYNE is on Amazon Prime. That was a video game, right? I love video game movies. The description says she's "part human, part vampire, and all woman." That's...not a good sign. [TW] Oh, and apparently her vampire sire raped her mother. I guess we're getting the sexual violence out of the way in the description. Huh, 5 replies already on my "hey BLOODRAYNE is on Amazon" tweet. That's either y'all telling me it's awesome or y'all trying to save me. NO TIME TO CHECK BEFORE PRESSING PLAY.

Oh no uwe boll. Like. I know...maybe three directors.

We're opening with Pretentious Medieval Art that supposedly proves vampires are totally real. I never know if these are fake. MEAT LOAF IS IN THIS FILM??? WHATEVER HAPPENED TO SATURDAY NIIIIGHT. We're in generic Ye Olden Times.

Michelle Rodriguez is here I don't- Why.

Michael Madsen is here, I'm-

These are actual actors; I was led to believe actual actors knew about Uwe Boll by now. Uwe's name has been on screen four times now, you can't say we aren't warned. A bartender is giving them a lead on a carnival fortune teller; they're skeptical. A man walks up and asks for absinthe. A nearby mirror reveals he's a vampire, but honestly he ASKED FOR ABSINTHE. That's practically vampire movie shorthand for evil.

Why is there a fucking mirror on the bar, this is Ye Olden Times, that thing is expensive and drunks would break it. Is it just there for vampires. One of the hunters INSTANTLY stakes the guy; he crumbles into an ancient corpse and NOBODY IN THIS INCREDIBLY CROWDED BAR seems bothered. The bartender makes a quip. Ok!! Apparently this is normal!! I guess Rayne is already a vampire. She's a captive at the carnival. Water burns her skin, but drinking blood heals her. How can she have sewer levels if water burns her? All video games have sewer levels.

There's a young woman Rayne's age at the carnival and she's got an escape plan and I think they're in love. Oooh, right, she's a dhampir, not a vampire. The local Castle O' Vampires is upset about her being public (albeit against her will). [TW] A man tries to rape Rayne and she escapes the carnival, honestly movie, really? Jesus. I think he was a Black man, too, but I'm not sure because everything about this scene is super murky on my not-very-good tv, so don't quote me?? She's got, like, this Adrenaline Vision where everything is blurry and it's supposed to be artsy but it just makes everything hard to make out.

Oh, the hunters want to recruit her for help against the vampires. They arrive Too Late. Oh fuck, Rayne bit her girlfriend. The hunters kill the girlfriend, because honestly this movie. Hang on, the cats are fighting. Ok. Chip is just very frisky and Cookie is NOT, so there's friction. I wore them all out with the rainbow ribbon. Michelle's dad is a viscount and apparently part of the Hunter society, but he seems to have vampire marks on his neck that are accompanied by ominous music. You'd think you'd bite your mole in the thigh or something, but I guess No Homo rules trump subtlety.

On the road, vampires jump a family and Rayne jumps the vampires. Everyone knows what these things are!! They're so chill about using the word and everything! Is this alternate history? I'm not complaining, I just. Rayne has sensually sucked on TWO vampire ladies now so I am forced to call this a recurring theme. A fortune teller informs her where the plot is and the macguffin she needs to fetch. .....how are we only 20 minutes into this movie, it feels like hours.

The vampires appear to be moving in sunlight which, I mean, I know Dracula and everything, but it still seems vaguely wrong for the genre. Boy, Rayne just found the monastery "in the South" with no trouble whatsoever, huh. Her blood hunger really seems to come and go as the plot demands. Haha, nice, she found a puzzle room. Why...is the booby trap water? Does water burn ALL vampires? How do they...how...rain?? Oh my god, the Macguffin made water not burn her? I'm-

THE VAMPIRES WANT THE MAGIC AMULET OF WATER-NO-BURN. I CANNOT. I realize it's a creative replacement for sunlight, but water is in everything, it's most of what BLOOD is, this is just ridiculous. Well, now they're saying that sunlight does destroy them, so please kindly explain earlier. Lord God, how would vampires exist at all if sunlight AND water destroys them, like, I can't think of anything MORE ill-suited to life on this planet. Does oxygen give them a rash? That's the only way to make them even weaker than this.

OH, ok, the army from earlier was human thralls. Gee, movie, thanks for clearing that up now. This poor actress looks so uncomfortable with these ridiculous blades they have her using. Earlier in the movie: one tiny little drop of blood made Rayne go into a drugged rage. Now: hundreds dead from gushing sword wounds, she's fine. Rayne has been turned into the sexy sack of potatoes, which is unexpected when she's supposed to be the PLAYER CHARACTER AND PROTAGONIST.

Michelle appears to be picking up the protagonist mantle. Has there ever been a vampire--not a dhampir or daywalker or anything, just a REGULAR vampire--who hunted other vampires because it turns out that being turned doesn't brain wash you? SUNLIGHT burns her? But she was being hauled around in a carnival wagon with bars for walls????? PUTTING A VAMPIRE IN A BOAT KILLS THEM?? HOW DO THEY EXIST AT ALL.

The hunters decide to keep Rayne as a pet. Which is good because she NEEDS training. You'd think they'd give her clothes that aren't what her carnival captors dressed her in, but of course they have to match her video game look. Oh gosh, they seriously are offering her clothes. Hunter Boy tells her she hasn't got a lock on angst around here. This act of negging is apparently enough to spur her to jump him for sex and we get the contractually obligated tiddles.

Oh. Michelle knows her dad is a vampire. I just assumed that was some kind of reveal we were being set up for. I'm. She. Her dad, THE VAMPIRE, knows where the SECRET VAMPIRE HUNTER society is, and this is only just now become relevant????????? I gotta go get something to drink heavily. WHAT IS THE POINT OF TURNING A VAMPIRE HUNTER IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DEMAND ALL THEIR SECRETS.

Maybe the Big Bad didn't KNOW he was a vampire hunter? Maybe the guy had morals and didn't rat them out? WHO KNOWS, YOU GET TO MAKE UP YOUR OWN STORY AS THE VIEWER!! They're buying holy water, but I don't honestly understand why. Oh gosh the GUY WE ALL KNOW IS A VAMPIRE and we all know HE KNOWS THE LOCATION OF THIS PLACE attacked unexpectedly and our water did nothing against the human army WE KNOW THEY HAVE and which we know WAS LOOKING FOR US.

"How did they find us?" YOU KNOW HE USED TO WORK HERE!!! AND HE'S A VAMPIRE NOW!!! TAKE A BLOODY GUESS!!! My god, they're trying to set Michelle up to blame for this but it's NOT HER FAULT. Rayne, having spent her entire life burned by the merest touch of water, can now SWIM LIKE A FISH AND HOLD HER BREATH LIKE MICHAEL PHELPS.

Michelle is dead. God, the writing is just so bad.

You gotta love a big fight scene where the protagonist is SHACKLED for most of it. Men don't get treated this way in movies, I swear to god. I do love that she unexpectedly brought them the last relic in a little box and absolutely nobody opened it to check. Oh, and they lied to the audience by giving it the heartbeat sound effect as though it were in the box. Mentor is dead. He lasted longer than most mentors.

She straight up would've died without Love Interest. Twice.

With everyone dead, Rayne sits in the throne which ties in nicely with previous scenes in which uhhhhh she....wanted....to be royalty?? Yeah, no, I got nothing.

Film Corner: Daylight's End

Daylight's End

Depression sucks and so do I but maybe a movie will help. This is called DAYLIGHT'S END and I assume it's going to be about vampires. My autocorrect wanted to turn that into babies, which is honestly more scary. Has anyone done a hoard of zombie toddlers. "Years after a mysterious plague has devastated the planet and turned most of humanity into blood-hungry creatures, a rogue drifter on a vengeful hunt stumbles across a band of survivors in a police station."

That sounds fine, but it won't live up to the idea of an army of toddler vampires. Think of the natural advantage they'd have!! No one would be able to hurt them just because human psychology is a real bitch about babies, and they'd be able to fit into any hiding space. Oh wow, someone actually put some thought into the premise. The car windows are all covered with fencing and the car handle is plated over for safety.

Open Thread: Winter Floof


Unfortunately it was a wet day, so Elliot's floofiness isn't as visible as ideal when one is naming the open thread after that floofiness.  None the less, that is a picture of a pony floofed up for winter.

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We have special open threads set aside for discussing various movies, said discussions including plain text spoilers.  This is currently the only one:
   ● Star Wars: Episode IX -- The Rise of Skywalker

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Film Corner: Ariel Redux

Ariel is absolutely the most important Disney Princess to me, and absolutely no one needs her to be white in order to identify with her story. The live-action casting decision is excellent. The Disney Princess decision you ought to be mad about is giving Belle to an actress who couldn't sing Belle's range.

IF* white Danes feel they are lacking in representation, I am reliably informed by 90% of cis people that you can just make your own movie if you don't feel like mainstream media has you covered. (*"IF", I said.)

Anyway, none of the Disney princesses NEED to be white. Their stories don't hinge on them being white in the same way that being, for example, Black is a literal plot point for Tiana. (It's why they try to refuse to sell her the building for her restaurant!!) We've spent so long using whiteness as a default for any character who didn't *need* to be non-white and that should be changed. This is a good step.

We've reached the point of the discussion where people who don't remember the movie tell me that TLM is antifeminist so: ARIEL IS A SCIENTIST WHO FLEES AN ABUSIVE FAMILY TO LIVE OUT HER DREAMS. SHE GIVES UP THE THING HER FATHER VALUED HER FOR IN ORDER TO BE HER OWN PERSON. And, yes, a boy is also there. Women don't become antifeminist for liking boys, sorry. Eric is an ally.

P.S. The weird insistence that life without a voice is a joyless nightmare is ableist as fuck. Stop it, and go learn sign language. It's a good thing to know, period.‏

The really interesting thing to me about The Little Mermaid discourse is that no one thinks it's weird for Cinderella and Rapunzel to leave their abusive mothers. Yet people completely forget Triton is abusive. I think it's a combination of misogyny and toxic masculinity: a father who violently "protects" his daughter's sexuality--even to the point of terrifying her and destroying her possessions--is normalized and even lionized in our culture.

I think, too, there's the problem that most of us want to be mermaids so we think Ariel left paradise. If she were a human leaving a human family to be a mermaid and wed a merman/maid, we'd be fully supportive. There's also a tremendous amount of ableism: that giving up a voice to be free is worse than death. Yet very few people think Rapunzel trading her hair and magic to be free was a bad trade. FREEDOM IS IMPORTANT.

I grew up in a household where my dad was the scary angry one when punishments were being handed out. I completely understood why Ariel was leaving. Eric isn't incidental, of course, but he's an anchor to hold onto: she wants to be human and he's a safe human who can help. There's also some bioessentialism: Cinderella and Rapunzel are being abused by non-bio-parents**. Triton, the redeemable abusive parent, is biologically related to Ariel. There's a strong implication that this is WHY he's "redeemable" at the end. We value bio parents most. (**I hesitate to call Gothel a parent because she's Rapunzel's kidnapper and captor, but for purposes of this discussion I believe it's worth analogizing to Triton.)

It's also worth noting that URSULA is the one that places and keeps the focus on Eric, because she thinks he's an Impossible Goal that Ariel won't be able to attain. I don't agree that Ariel left the sea "for a man", but even if she did that would really just make her...a mermaid Cinderella. The deal for her voice isn't fair. It's not *supposed* to be fair. Ursula is a villain, even though people seem to forget that, too. She's trying to set Ariel up to lose a bet. Ariel agrees because the alternative is an abusive situation she can't remain in. She can't run. Triton rules all the seas. Her only escape is land--and Ursula knows that. She's the devil, offering a bargain that seems too good to be true and which she intends to be impossible to win.

The reading of TLM where Ariel is a silly girl who gives up her voice on a whim for a boy is one that erases Triton's abuse, Ursula's scheming, and Ariel's agency as she attempts to wrest her freedom from her father and from his political enemies (Ursula).

@JanetteKirchner. My dad never destroyed my stuff (until I moved out) but the rage and the shouting *cringes* If memory serves, Triton was also patronizing "oh, her new found interest will pass in a week because teen girl" Which was used on me a lot.

Yeah, the bit where Triton is *thrilled* Ariel is in love until he realizes it's a human was VERY FAMILIAR to me as a queer girl being raised in a Christian cult who was only allowed to date male members of same. Yes, it would've been more subversive if Eric were Erin, and the queer subtext of their forbidden love had been textual. Sure. I'd LOVE to see that in the reboot. But the idea that girls dating boys is inherently not queer feels kinda bi-erasurey. And there's a whole conversation to be had about how everyone assumes a m/f pairing is straight, but I'm tired.