Storify: Infertility and Abortion (Updated)

Here is a Storify collection of tweets on infertility and abortion and how the two intersect, with updated information on Senator Lucio and his proposed "adoption classes" bill placed in the third special session of the TX legislature.

Note that the Storify has been manually worked into a text format for people with screen-readers and people who subscribe to the blog via the Kindle download. This is my first text-version of Storify and I'm still testing it. You may view the image-rich version of the Storify here.

First, some thoughts on infertility and things fertile people on BOTH sides of the choice aisle should know about infertility. (Because almost everything the media has ever told you about infertility was wrong.)

    Getting really tired of fertile people appropriating infertile people on abortion. On both sides, I will add.

      1, I have never known an infertile person who wasn't pro-choice, partly BECAUSE most of us face dangerous pregnancies if we conceived.

        2, not all infertile people want or choose to adopt. Stop assuming infertile people are a monolith.

          3, if you say "why don't infertile people adopt disabled babies," go to hell. Many DO. But not everyone has the money and spoons. STFU.

            4, mixed-race adoptions hit infertile people from both sides because almost EVERYONE shames and second-guesses you.

              So if you're not infertile, stop explaining to infertile people how we should live their lives and quit demonizing our private #choices.

                @AnaMardoll I guess most people don't realize that it costs tens of thousands of dollars to adopt. Fertility treatments are much cheaper...

                  Yeah, my mom kept foster babies and I watched the process so many times. It is HARD, and I couldn't do it. @eliza_evans

                    @AnaMardoll I have so much admiration for people who can! But I can't. Better to know that now.

                      It's a new way to shame women. "You're not strong enough to adopt? Then you're a BAD WOMAN." @eliza_evans

                        Fertile people sometimes assume that you can just roll up to the hospital and order a half dozen babies. @eliza_evans

                          @AnaMardoll it goes back to women being worthless if they don't raise children. We're supposed to do anything at any cost to be moms.

                            Right. And if you don't have all the money and all the spoons, then clearly you hate children after all. @eliza_evans

                              That's how every white infertile person who doesn't adopt a child of color is secretly racist. INSTITUTIONALIZED HURDLES? NO. @eliza_evans

                                Because tasking individuals with solving institutionalized problems is always a good idea. @eliza_evans

                                  @AnaMardoll my husband and I started the foster-to-adopt certification and had to stop based largely on how arduous it was @eliza_evans

                                    I've known one infertile couple who were turned down for disabilities that *I* have. That was enough for me. @desjardins @eliza_evans

                                      But I'm sure the local agency in my corner of Texas wouldn't care about me being a fat disabled Wiccan. LOL. @desjardins @eliza_evans

                                        @eliza_evans The vetting process is really invasive. I'm 100% for protecting kids from bad people but it was too much to take. @AnaMardoll

                                          Right, there's this (understandable) tension between finding good homes and a need for privacy. @desjardins @eliza_evans

                                            To just assume (as some do) that people who can't do that must have racism/ableism/special snowflakism is wrong. @desjardins @eliza_evans

                                              The question "why don't you adopt X" presupposes you can adopt AT ALL. @desjardins @eliza_evans

                                                @AnaMardoll @desjardins @eliza_evans a social worker friend told me not to bother, I'd pass everything & have a good med report & be denied.

                                                  @AnaMardoll @desjardins @eliza_evans because of my weight. Not my health, just the number on the scale.

                                                    I'm "pre-diabetic", or something, merely because I'm fat. Fuuuck. :-( @amaditalks @desjardins @eliza_evans

                                                      I had a dermatologist say that the "color of my skin" told her I was genetically disposed to diabetes. @amaditalks @desjardins @eliza_evans

                                                        We have NO diabetics in the family. Lots of fat people, though! @amaditalks @desjardins @eliza_evans

                                                          There's a lot of variables. Private vs. public makes a difference, for example. @eliza_evans @amaditalks @desjardins

                                                            Second: The pro-life position that life begins at fertilization and that an embryo is the same as a fully-born baby is very problematic to push onto someone who has been through IVF (like me!). Credit where credit is very much due: the "100 embryos in a jar" question came from Amadi of @amaditalks, who is always amazing.

                                                              Pro-life people, this is very simple. Stick with me here. (1)

                                                                I have lost 30 embryos in IVF. Have I lost the equivalent of 30 born children? (2)

                                                                  IF YES, would you choose to save a jar of 100 embryos over a 1-year old baby in a disaster? You can only save one. Show your work. (3)

                                                                    For the record, I didn't lose 30 "babies" and you don't get to impose that framing on me. MY experiences are MINE.(4)…

                                                                      @AnaMardoll this is where they pivot and call women "whores", yes?

                                                                        Occasionally they'll grant me my 30 BAYBEES IN HEAVEN. Before vanishing rather than dealing with my follow-up question. @hswindell

                                                                          Are heaven babies embryos forever? Or do they grow up? @AnaMardoll @hswindell

                                                                            The pro-life people I knew from childhood insisted they grow up. Which is CREEPY. @DeekyMD @hswindell

                                                                              Addendum: Creepy to ME. I understand why some people find the thought comforting. I do not, but that's just me. @DeekyMD @hswindell

                                                                                The mentality being that I'll get to heaven & meet my 30 children. All of them named by Jesus, I guess. @DeekyMD @hswindell

                                                                                  @AnaMardoll there are a lot of embryos in heaven then. all those fertilized eggs that never attach that women never even know about... :/

                                                                                    Yep. And you know Jesus gives them crappy names, just to be a jerk. "Hi, Mom! My name is Poopsonhead!" @hswindell

                                                                                      @AnaMardoll @hswindell And then he names one Sunshine Unicorn, just to make the others jealous.

                                                                                        @AnaMardoll @hswindell Are they still babies when you get there? Or have they aged concurrently? If so, who raised them? Changed diapers?

                                                                                          They age instantly when they get to heaven. They have NO childhood and NO experience of growing up. NEXT! @DeekyMD @hswindell

                                                                                            @AnaMardoll @DeekyMD @hswindell There is so much to read into that. The invisibility of childhood needs & (usu) mothers' work to fill them.

                                                                                              To full adulthood? At what age do you stop growing in heaven? @AnaMardoll @hswindell

                                                                                                27, I think. (LOL, it's supposed to just be a generic Full Grown To Ideal Platonic Adulthood age.) @DeekyMD @hswindell

                                                                                                  @DeekyMD @AnaMardoll ok my head is full of questions now. What about purgatory?

                                                                                                    Pro-lifers are mostly evangelical protestants who don't believe in purgatory. NEXT! #ConfessionsFromEvangelicalChildhood @hswindell @DeekyMD

                                                                                                      @AnaMardoll @hswindell @DeekyMD Umm, you don't hang out with many of the Catholic right, do you?

                                                                                                        That's correct. All the Catholics I personally know in Texas are Catholics for Choice. Note the "personally". @NFRAggie @hswindell @DeekyMD

                                                                                                          ~@AnaMardoll @DeekyMD @hswindell I think it would be pretty unsettling to meet non-implanted embryos at any point in time. At least for me.

                                                                                                            It would seriously freak me the fuck out. Heaven in general does, though. #GiveMeSummerlandInstead @potsherds @DeekyMD @hswindell

                                                                                                              @potsherds @AnaMardoll @hswindell It's not like they'll be talking. Will they?

                                                                                                                They are imbued with full knowledge of King James English because that's how the Bible was written. NEXT! @DeekyMD @potsherds @hswindell

                                                                                                                  @AnaMardoll @DeekyMD I think it's these kinds of conversations that turned me off the whole idea of heaven.

                                                                                                                    For me, it was knowing all the people who wouldn't be there. I can't enjoy heaven while my loved ones are in hell. @emjb @DeekyMD

                                                                                                                      @AnaMardoll @hswindell Do old people go all Benjamin Buttons in heaven and get younger then?

                                                                                                                        Yes, everyone is exactly 27 and a half in heaven. NEXT! @DeekyMD @hswindell

                                                                                                                          @AnaMardoll @hswindell What if the mother dies at 24? She shows up in heaven and her embryo babies are old than her?

                                                                                                                            Yes, that is correct. But she becomes 27 and a half with them, so they're technically the same age. NEXT! @DeekyMD @hswindell

                                                                                                                              @AnaMardoll @DeekyMD @potsherds *dies laughing* *goes to Heaven and is three years younger*

                                                                                                                                @AnaMardoll to be frank, I'm waiting on them to go after infertility treatments an embryo storage. I'm cynical though.

                                                                                                                                  Oh, no, they already are going after IVF in order to control women. See the #RaptureReady quote here:… @drdonnaATX

                                                                                                                                    DISCLAIMERS: While everything I've just said is in line with how I was raised, there was some snark added.

                                                                                                                                      DISCLAIMERS: Christians are not a monolith. Some of them are lovely people. Many are pro-choice.

                                                                                                                                        DISCLAIMERS: My teasing non-belief in Jesus is in no way a condemnation of people who do believe in him.

                                                                                                                                          DISCLAIMERS: Many people find the concept of heaven meaningful and comforting. That I do not is merely my subjective preference.

                                                                                                                                            DISCLAIMERS: I have not met every Catholic or Protestant in Texas. (But I would like to party with the Catholics for Choice!)

                                                                                                                                              DISCLAIMERS: If you appropriate my religious traumatic childhood to troll Christians, you are causing me harm and are not my ally.

                                                                                                                                                @AnaMardoll @hswindell If abortion instantly sends souls to heaven, guaranteed, shouldn't Christians be for as many abortions as possible?

                                                                                                                                                  I've actually seen that argument, that it saves souls instead of (potentially) losing them to sin later. @FatWanderer @hswindell

                                                                                                                                                    TW for infertility on the following tweets, because several people have seriously asked about the Embryos in Heaven. (1)

                                                                                                                                                      (TW) (2) Having a failed IVF can be incredibly hard on a family and / or an individual person.

                                                                                                                                                        (TW) (3) There's a lot of personal shaming attached. What was wrong with MY genes? What did I do wrong to make unhealthy embryos?

                                                                                                                                                          (TW) (4) I don't want to say that it's "like a miscarriage", b/c I haven't had one of those, but I imagine there is overlap in feelings.

                                                                                                                                                            (TW) (5) For some people, the Embryos in Heaven is a comforting thing, like even though you couldn't save them here, they're safe in Heaven.

                                                                                                                                                              (TW) (6) But there is a LOT of appropriation from anti-choicer who demand that we all accept this framing. Which is the opposite of comfort.

                                                                                                                                                                (TW) (7) So, I had two failed IVF attempts for a total of 30 embryos. Some relatives think I have 1 baby in heaven, some think I have 2.

                                                                                                                                                                  (TW) (8) NOBODY in my life thinks I have 30 babies in Heaven because that's overwhelming to us. 1 or 2 is a manageable vehicle for grief.

                                                                                                                                                                    (TW) (9) I mourn for my IVF, but I mourn the loss of potential, not the loss of an "actual" child. That's my right, to frame my experiences.

                                                                                                                                                                      (TW) (10) Having people tell me I have 30 children in heaven freaks me out because I don't want 30 children. Never have. Not a matriarch.

                                                                                                                                                                        (TW) (11) And when anti-choicers appropriate my grief for their ideology which would KILL me (because #disability), then I get angry.

                                                                                                                                                                          (TW) (12) But that doesn't mean that some / a few other infertile people aren't comforted by that framing. Grief does diff things to people.

                                                                                                                                                                            (TW) (13) And it's important to also note that failed IVFers are often not given much of a support system. Even less than miscarriages.

                                                                                                                                                                              (TW) (14) Because many times, lots of people didn't even know you were pregnant or trying. Which can be comforting but can also NOT be.

                                                                                                                                                                                (TW) (15) So while it wasn't that way for me in IVF, I can definitely understand some miscarriage survivors feeling like 1 attempt = 1 baby.

                                                                                                                                                                                  (TW) (16) And, honestly, I think a lot of anti-choicers push that onto IVFers because they understand that concept applied to miscarriages.

                                                                                                                                                                                    (TW) (17) And I think that's everything I have to say right now about IVF and Heaven Babies. I will take questions now, lol.

                                                                                                                                                                                      (TW) (18) Will also add that basically EVERY movie/book that deals with IVF treats it like a joke or ridiculously easy.

                                                                                                                                                                                        (TW) (19) IVF was one of the most difficult, painful things I've ever done, and I've been through two back surgeries. No one does it 4 fun.

                                                                                                                                                                                          Third: It's time to talk about Senator Lucio and his repeated and hostile appropriation of the lives, bodies, and stories of infertile women and adoptive parents.

                                                                                                                                                                                            My sense is that Sen. Lucio filing SB42 when clearly 2nd is over but 3rd on the way is at best, publicity stunt, worst, dare to Gov. Perry.

                                                                                                                                                                                              @AnaMardoll His end-of-session 3 hr. adoption course before you can get an abortion bill. Ugh.

                                                                                                                                                                                                The following tweets are about Senator Lucio and brogressive / fauxgressive pushback on feminist activists. (1)

                                                                                                                                                                                                  (2) On filibuster night, Lucio was appropriating infertile women and saying our mothers "were pro-life" and using women as ideological tools

                                                                                                                                                                                                    (3) without their consent. And some feminists were all "behavior that is hostile to consent" and the pushback was that he

                                                                                                                                                                                                      (4) was just a nice, uninformed man who loves babies. Harmless. Not appropriative or predatory because all the sympathies for the menz.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        (5) Then in the second special session he went off on one, quoting Mother Teresa and appropriating holocaust, apartheid, genocide, etc.

                                                                                                                                                                                                          (6) and feminists were again on about hostility to consent and appropriation. And the pushback was that no, he's just a really devout guy.

                                                                                                                                                                                                            (7) Now Lucio has filed SB42, which FORCES women to take an "adoption class" before they can access legal abortion.…

                                                                                                                                                                                                              (8) and, I'm sorry (I'm not!) but this is HOSTILITY TO WOMEN AND THEIR BODIES AND THEIR CONSENT. And *maybe* people will see that now, but

                                                                                                                                                                                                                (9) the underlying problem is that EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. a feminist points out this _spectrum of behavior_ which is hostile to autonomy,

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  (10) people rush in to defend the man they don't even *know* because clearly he's a nice, religious, misguided, misinformed, whatever,

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    (11) as if that were a given, or relevant, or anything OTHER than rank male privilege in a society that values men and

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      (12) makes excuses for their actions. So excuse me if [collective] we are tired of having to [math] proof it out each. and. every. time.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        (13) Sometimes marginalized people are attuned to behaviors on the oppression spectrum that privileged people are not attuned to.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          (14) And that is why Sen Lucio is a bad representative and should feel bad. And why people should stop making excuses for him.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Free pass for religion! imagine. MT @AnaMardoll the pushback was that no, [Lucio]'s just a really devout guy.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              @NurfHurter @AnaMardoll Of course there'd be no free pass at all if he were Muslim/Hindu/Buddhist/Shinto/Wiccan/Pagan...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Srsly. I kept fantasizing that one of the citizen testimonies would break out the paganism and JAWS WOULD DROP. @Froborr @NurfHurter

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  @AnaMardoll Lucio gave such a sermon on filibuster night that I thought it was a tent revival. He clarified what the bill was really about.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Yeah, it was seriously gross. I mean, I joked that he was "stealth filibustering" but that was me trying to cope. It was awful. @bleu_ruby

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      "Stealth filibuster" is my new name for a silent fart. @AnaMardoll @bleu_ruby

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Fourth: We also need to talk about how the mainstream media (MSM) is aiding and abetting this narrative that people who are appropriating the lives and bodies of others for their agenda just rilly-rilly love baybees.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Texas wants women seeking abortions to take adoption classes first

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            A recently filed Texas bill would require women seeking abortions in the state to first go through a three-hour course on adoption.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              TX wants? Senator Lucio wants RT @zellieimani: Texas wants women seeking abortions to take adoption classes first

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                @scATX @zellieimani @sarablackthorne And I bet TX has a robust, humane adoption support network in place for birth parents, right? (cough)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Wish the media was pointing out the restrictive time window. This is about blocking access, not about adoption. @scATX @zellieimani

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Sen Lucio wants to make it even more difficult for women to access legal abortion; does so by pretending to give a fuck about adoption."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      ^^ HOW HARD IS THAT, MSM? cc: @scATX

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        This next series of tweets brought to you by Sen Lucio's "adoption classes" bill and the MSM pretending it's not about limiting access. (1)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          You don't get to "care" about a cause like adoption and infertile people only when it benefits your pet projects: that's appropriation. (2)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            If you "care" about adoption, then you will be pro-choice. It's as simple as that. (3)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Because infertile people and adoptive parents need life-saving abortion and the right not to slip into financial poverty. (4)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                There is this BULLSHIT meme in the media that only People Who Can't Get Pregnant adopt, and therefore abortion is separate. (5)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Fertile people adopt. THOSE PEOPLE NEED ABORTION ACCESS. Do not invisible them. (6)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Infertile people at risk of dangerous pregnancies adopt. THOSE PEOPLE NEED ABORTION ACCESS. Do not pretend that fertility is binary. (7)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      If you REALLY care about adoptive parents (current and would-be), you will ensure that they can stay healthy and safe and solvent. (8)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        And you would lobby for non-abortion related things to help adoptive parents, because you actually "care". (9)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Like making adoptive cheaper. And making children safer and more comfortable while waiting for adoption. (10)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            And passing laws that prohibit discrimination against LBGT or fat or disabled would-be adoptive parents. (11)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Rep. Dawnna Dukes, who actually adopted a child, supports choice, and introduced a Baby Moses amendment CARES about adoption. (12)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Is the MSM interviewing Rep. Dukes, awesome pro-choice heroine and adoption advocate? No, they are interviewing Sen. Lucio. (13)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Because Dukes is female and Lucio is male, but also because Lucio fits the cozy "pro-life people just care about BAYBEES" framing. (14)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You do not care about BAYBEES if you support legislation that will literally kill and maim and impoverish their adoptive parents. (15)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      MSM: Do. Your. Job. (16)


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