Today is my last day at work before I go on Christmas vacation.
When I came in this morning, I learned -- quite unexpectedly -- that I and everyone else in my group will not have our jobs come January 1st. We may have a job, depending on the individual being discussed and which groups in the company might want them for their skill sets, but whatever jobs we may or may not end up with won't be our current jobs.
This is deeply depressing for me, because after 4+ years of bouncing around crappy groups with abusive managers, I had the stroke of good fortune to be pulled on this team through the good auspices of a close friend. There is literally no one on this team who I do not love being around, and everyone here is objectively awesome, excruciatingly intelligent, relentlessly cheerful, and delightful to be around. More importantly, our manager was willing to let me work part-time -- a rarity in our company -- which meant that I'd finally found medical accommodation which meant I wasn't in constant pain all the time.
Now all that is going away.
I don't know that I will have a job next year. I don't know that the job will be something I have the skill set to do (my current skill set is a niche skill in our company, which has always made job-relocation difficult for me). I don't know that the job will accommodate my demanding medical needs. I do know that I wanted to work in this group for the next 10+ years, and instead I got about 6 good months. I'm devastated and deeply disappointed, and I genuinely did not expect this. Husband and Father have been worried about their jobs in a sort of hope the scary changes don't affect us kind of way, but I was confident that my group was taken care of and that there was nothing to worry about. (Surprise!)
Right now I'm in the process of trying to handle all this. At some point resumes will need to be sent out, but my physical limitations are weighing heavily on my mind right now. (And are not severe enough to qualify for government assistance.) On my best days, I can stay sort of low-level disappointed about my disability, but I can deal; on days like today, I just want to lay down and cry and rail at the universe for the shitty hand I feel I've been dealt. And it's difficult to remain calm and focused and motivated when this is still so surprising and upsetting -- it's hard to look for a new job, when you're in mourning for the old job you loved.
And, of course, we're worried about money. Because ours is a country without real safety nets and we've never tried to live on just Husband's wages before.
I don't guess there's anything to add to this, but I wanted to let everyone know what was going on.