Metapost: Lucidity

Content Note: Medical Issues

I've been trying to avoid making an Official Post about this on the grounds that ignoring it might make it go away, but now I think it's only fair to let you guys know, especially since there's going to be some upcoming posts on this anyway.

Most of you already know I had surgery a few weeks ago. What you may not know is that they sent me home from the hospital with a bag full of narcotics, and because my incision has been flirting with the possibilities of an infection, some of my drug dosage has actually been increased. And I don't really have a choice to not take this stuff because the alternative is a pain level that I simply can't cope with.

I thought I was doing pretty good all things considered, despite sleeping about 6+ extra hours a day and having a hard time focusing my eyes and not being able to type very well, but Husband has informed me that I have recently entered the "slurred speech" stage and apparently -- based on what Mom read on WebMD yesterday -- it's a miracle I'm lucid at all right now.

I really, really do not want to shut down the blog until all this is over, so I'm trying to just power through the best I can. I have a follow-up appointment at the hospital in July and I hope at that point we can dial back some of the drugs a bit. Until then, if I radically misunderstand a comment on the board -- which I'm increasingly fearful that I'm doing and have done -- I ask your forgiveness and I hope you can bear with me.

I know I can cope with all this, I'm just really hoping that you all can cope with me through this. (And I'm especially worried about Mom and Husband, but that's another story.)

Thank you.


Amaryllis said...


Take care of yourself, and don't worry about us. Just keep the blogging or commenting at at whatever level makes you happy, not more stressed.

(I know you don't want admiration, but if it were me, I'd probably be sulking with a book and refusing to talk to anyone either in person of online, so I continue to be impressed with what you do.)

My thoughts are with you and your family.

JenL said...

I hope things improve for you soon. In the meantime, take care of yourself - in whatever ways that make sense for you...

Silverbow said...

What Amaryllis said. Keep getting your sleep -- your body needs it to heal. And don't worry about us. We can entertain ourselves until you get back. :)

JonathanPelikan said...

So what you're saying is you had major surgery and are now swimming in drugs, at one point having been told that it may have killed a normal human being, and you're still up and writing big old literate lovely blog posts about stuff?

TL:DR on this thread: Ana is Awesome capital A. And Badass, capital B.

And please take care of yourself! Atheist completely-useless mental energies go out to your health and family.

Ana Mardoll said...

Thank you. I don't *feel* badass -- it usually takes me four hours to write a blog post and the three posts I've written since getting out of hospital have taken multiple *days* each and that makes me feel no end of frustrated, helpless, useless, and angry at myself. For instance, I wrote a Narnia post this week (Chapter 9) that rambles all over the place and is practically gibberish and I'm feeling really furious at myself -- eyes should focus, fingers should type, brain should think, spine should ache less.

(On the other hand, Chapter 9 is really awful, so maybe it's not just me? I hope not.)

And it's not like I'm blogging because I feel like I HAVE to; I blog because I ENJOY blogging. So I'm basically struggling with not being able to do enjoyable things -- blogging, reading, and writing are all right out. And that's irritating. I didn't even want to bring it up on the blog because OMG ANA WHINE MUCH except that I figured that if freaking HUSBAND couldn't understand what I was saying, I should maybe give everyone ELSE a heads-up on the coherency. o.O

Atheist well-wishes are very welcome, by the way. They're like the refreshing clear spring water of well-wishes, whereas all theist prayers / rituals have flavors. (See what I mean about coherency?)

cjmr said...

Coherent or not, it's quite poetic!

redcrow said...

Here, have a decent-sized lake of atheist well-wishes. And hugs.

Evan said...

{{Prayers and best wishes}}

I hope the flavor is welcome.

depizan said...

Hang in there! We can deal with a little incoherence. Or even a lot.

I hope your healing up starts to go better. Being medicated into incoherence isn't fun.

*offers hugs and good wishes*

Aidan Bird said...

You're doing an awesome job, Ana. Take care of yourself first. I'm sending lots of well-wishes your way. And if there's anything any of us can do to help you out, let us know. This community seems pretty awesome, so I'm sure I'm not the only one that wishes they could help you with this.

Feel better soon, and I really hope and pray the incision heals up and doesn't get infected.

Gelliebean said...

*sending hugs and good vibes your way*

Silver Adept said...

Yikes. Take care of yourself, Ana. We can make do on weeks of open threads, if need be. Or, if needed, I'll bet there are some guest posters that could fill the gap.

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