First, I want to thank everyone so much, so very very much, for all the kind things said in that thread. I'm planning to print that out and post it on all the wall space around my computer for the next time I'm feeling down. Thank you, a thousand times over.
Second, I feel that I owe everyone some background. I found out two weeks ago that Husband would have to travel for two days next week for work. I figured I'd be all better from spinal surgery by then and he didn't really have a choice so... yeah. Yesterday I found out that the two days next week (starting this Monday) will be four days, and I simultaneously noticed that I still can't get out of bed or go to the bathroom without help. So I'm a little on edge worrying about that. I also just found out from my Mom that four of the eight medications I've been on for almost three weeks are powerful depressants that have a cumulative affect over time. So apparently I'm very sad right now, and I apologize that got dumped on you.
Husband and I had a long talk about all this last night, and I had some topical dreams as well and I've come to the semi-following conclusions:
#1. I need to recognize my depression and deal with it. That means walking away from comments if they're too much for me to deal with and not fretting over "but the space safeness!" while I go gather spoons. I apologize in advance if this policy hurts the commenters with fewer spoons available -- I hope I can ask everyone to be extra vigilant and helpful about safe space moderating.
Recognizing depression also means walking away from the blog schedule for the moment and taking time to read and recharge and sleep. We're entirely pre-posted through to July 8th, and after that we might have some open threads while I catch up. I have a whole thread of you wonderful people reassuring me that that's okay so I'm going to go on a limb here and believe you. (That's hard for a workaholic like me!)
#2. And I really do mean that I'm going to have to shut down the computer today and stop pre-posting like lives are at stake here, and I need to go get some perspective. I have been amazingly (and unhealthily) wrapped up in this thing where I've not "missed" a Twilight day since I began in 2010 (except for that one week where I found out Dad had cancer) and I've got to recognize that this isn't some kind of contest against myself and that worlds won't end if I miss a post or two per month. Or if I post something different that day!
#3. With regards to schedule change-ups, that also means that some days there will be posts about other things instead of the regular things. There may be Disney posts on "Twilight days". There may be Hunger Games posts on "Narnia days". This hurts my schedule-loving soul, but it ensures (I hope) that I can't be burnt out by any one topic or any one fan base getting to me. (Speaking of fan bases, I am never mentioning ASOIAF again. No offense, ASOIAF fan base! It's not you, it's me. Husband is disappointed, but okay with that.)
#4. Twilight I do intend to change up so that one chapter is covered in a month-or-less, depending on richness of content. This is merely because I want to get to Breaking Dawn someday and some weeks it's hard pointing out the same flaws as the last week. (At least Left Behind has phones to mock!)
#5. I realized yesterday that I have needs that I've been neglecting in favor of the blog, specifically, reading and writing. Last night it hit me that these things are not an either/or with blogging. The reading results in reviews, which I've always just seen as "filler" posts, but which I now think can be conversations in their own right.
My fictional writing I have hesitated to share with the board because it feels very personal and what if I fail and who wants to read that anyway, but I have a whole thread of people saying they'd read what I wrote on freaking-potato-farming, so I'm going to take a risk here and fold some writing exercises into blog posts. This way, I can get some writing done, I can still feel good about marking off the days on my Blog Calendar and providing content, and maybe we can all still be happy. I hope so.
#6. I have revised the Comment Policy. Here are the relevant new bits:
This is a safe-space, single-person blog run by a woman with a full-time job and an all-the-time disability. My goal is to "cheerfully read too much into things" into order to have a jumping-off point for feminist discussions about modern society and privilege.
If you find that a piece of art you love is being discussed here as problematic, read this first. Know that I'm not judging you, nor am I condemning the author or the work. Recognize that I am only using this work as a starting place to discuss something deeper in our society. Please leave behind any baggage you may be holding from other discussions where someone else, somewhere else did unfairly judge you. Read this and think about how your post may affect others. And then, I encourage you to join the conversation, and thoughtfully discuss social issues.
Thank you all, again. I'm going to go take a break for the rest of the day, but I love you all. And I am sorry for the meltdown and changes and everything else. Thank you for sticking with me through all this. Thank you.