Film Corner: Anna and the Apocalypse

There's something on Amazon called "Anna and the Apocalypse" and it's apparently a...zombie musical? They've already done the trope of the radio announcing a lethal pandemic and they turn the radio off because it's boring, and this feels very pre-covid, lol. They're....they're singing in school. The teachers are all garbage, but that's pretty standard television school fare. A girl is coughing in the background of the chorus--ominous. I'm sorry: apparently it's a CHRISTMAS zombie musical.

Kissmate is digging the songs so far, but it's very high school. There's a perfect queer baby, though, so we're rooting for her. One of the girls sang an Unapproved Sexy Santa Song at the school musical and I love her for it. The principal is having kittens. Ah, now the protagonist is dancing in the streets and singing along to her earbuds while zombies eat screaming neighbors in the background.

They noticed the zombies when a zombie in a Frosty The Snowman costume chased them, but she took his head off with a playground see-saw. Meanwhile, the queer baby has the highest kill count so far and we love her to pieces. The Sexy Santa Song Girl is having an argument with the Terrible Principal over whether an apocalypse should feature compassion or brutal triage. I'm most upset that the protagonists aren't cleaning the blood off their hands and faces.

The 4 students at the bowling alley want to get to the survivors at school, so they are...walking as a team under a plastic ball pit. The school Bully Jock Handsome Jackass has saved them. The queer baby isn't impressed with him. He and his mates have been Lost Boying around town killing zombies and looting. ....dammit, I like them. That was the first song I've liked and it isn't just because I have gender envy from this beautiful asshole, lol.

The survivors at the school--mostly parents who were present for the talent show--are getting antsy and prepping to leave. Not sure that's the best idea. Like. Can I just. This man has the voice of an siren and the face of an angel.

The group of students are walking through a Christmas tree store, have been attacked, scattered, and have been trimmed to a more reasonable cast number. The students arrive at the school to learn that the Terrible Principal killed all their parents and loved ones by letting zombies into the school to keep them there. He locks the students in the zombie cafeteria and whistles for the zombies' attention. I'm pretty sure the gorgeous boy just shared something personal and immediately died via Heroic Sacrifice Cutaway, so I'm pretty upset.

I will never understand the whole "Leave him, he's not worth it" when the he in question is a human intelligence that has devoted itself to your personal destruction and multiple murders. It's like "we briefly defeated him in a non-permanent manner, I'm sure he'll never bother us again!" The protagonist fights a horde of zombies--while singing!!--to save her dad, and only at the end does he reveal he's been previously bitten and can't go with her. "YOU COULD'VE MENTIONED THAT EARLIER," Kissmate and I bellow.

Oh, good! The gorgeous boy is alive! And then the queer baby saved everyone, as is right and proper. They drive into the sunset.

Well, that was certainly a movie! Kissmate liked it a lot. I think I wasn't quite in the right frame of mind to embrace some of the zombie parody silliness, but maybe next Christmas. Still, the queer girl survived so 10 out of 10. 5 stars. Give more queers surviving things.


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