Film Corner: American Psycho

American Psycho

I've never seen AMERICAN PSYCHO before and it's on Netflix. Should I? Okay, I'm watching it. This movie is 19 years old and I feel old. Blood or possibly raspberry jam is being sloshed over the credits. Aw, man, I remember when every dish on the Food Network looked like this and it was new enough to be awesome.

I...I hate all these people. Is that going to be a problem? "Only $570" for lunch, oh my god. Christian Bale's nice smiley character is telling the nice bartender that he wants to kill her, so I don't like him either. His multi-lotion skincare routine is probably supposed to be alarming but I'm just like "so basically what a lot of women go through, huh. that's rough, buddy."

@SMLXist. I'm glad you decided to watch it! I hated it for my first viewing, and it took a second to understand that it's a female-directed satire meant to skewer the toxic-est of masculinity (i.e., the book itself).

*perks up*

Oh god, this pretentious man thinks he's a *special* sociopath when in reality he's just a boring shitty rich white cis man so far who thinks sexually harassing his administrative assistant makes him edgy. I was gonna complain that he doesn't actually seem to be doing any work, but apparently his dad owns the company. His fiancee (Reese Witherspoon) is giving him a hard time for refusing to marry her. Honey, you can do better than him. Everyone is rich, attractive, adulterous, and pretentious. So that's a thing, I guess.

I'm howling laughter at the business card scene and I do not think I'm supposed to be?

Like?? I just?? Hate them all so much?? Like, my hatred was hot and red when he was yelling at the dry cleaning lady, but now it's cold and viscous and I just want to drop him in the ocean. He's the worst but they're also all the worst? "If you're so hungry, why don't you get a job?" Oh my god. I hate him so much, can we set him on fire, is that an option.

Oh shit. He really does think he's a *special* awful white man, what the blinking fuck nuggets. "What does the Grinch want for Christmas and don't say breast implants again" honey literally why have you not set him on fire why why why why. There have been TWO Donald Trump references already, and I-


We've gone full Jim Carrey, he's Jim Carreying. REALLY NO ONE NOTICES THE BLOOD STREAK HE'S LEAVING EVERYWHERE? The apartment is going to kill me with straight up rage for how much everything cost. Willem Dafoe is somehow NOT the villain in a movie? He's so nervous! I thought you were a *special* shitty white guy, huh, baby? WHY YOU SO NERVOUS THEN? *stomps on his face*

WHY YOU ACTING SO CLEARLY GUILTY, HUH? Maybe you're not a special shitty guy after all and you're just a regular shitty guy who thinks he's special. *stomps stomp stomps* I'm actually super happy that he's bad at this and this isn't some kind of love letter homage to serial killers like I was afraid it would be.

"So. Don't you want to know what I do?"
"No? Not really."

Oh god, I hate him so much and I love the sex workers who aren't impressed by him but I'm so fucking nervous for them. FUCK. Okay, they left alive at least but jesus. These men are just the woooooooooooorst, set them all on fire.

Oh no, oh no, oh no, honey, you have profoundly misunderstood many things. I do like the Columbo thing Dafoe has going on. I cannot get over how he thinks he's a Special Genius because he can fake being nice for a few minutes. I'm so scared for his secretary. Oh no, his fiancee. Oh no. I do like that approximately 70 billion people have sent me Sady Doyle's excellent piece on this movie during this thread, which tells me that I'm following / followed by the best people. Oh, thank god his secretary got out safely.


Well, that was, uh. That. Huh. That... huh.

I mean, needless to say Sady's piece is spot-on.

When do the rose petals happen? Or is that another movie with "American" in the title. I think that's American Beauty, it's fine, it's all good. I've missed a lot of films, that's all. Every time I see their closets, *I* want to commit a murder. God, just the sheer amount of MONEY in this film. Is this elderly blonde woman God? Is she going to smite him? She *looks* like she could smite him.

YES, GOOD SECRETARY. WEAR PANTS. INVESTIGATE. CALL THE POLICE. BECOME A FEMINIST. I am loving the fact that every white guy he knows mixes him up for *other* white men because they all look the same. The...? Fuck...??? Okay, I don't understand. Is Paul Allen dead or isn't he?? I mean, the larger point--that rich white 1%ers are terrible--is well taken.

Nope, I've decided that they're all dead and the lawyer guy is Satan and the realtor lady is God. Fuck you, I do what I want. Well, not fuck YOU, the reader. Just a sort of general "fuck". No realtor lady would be like "there was no ad in the Times", she would sell him that fucking apartment and he would like it. Ergo, she was not a realtor and was instead God. Also I remember it was established that everyone kept thinking Paul Allen was other white guys, like they do with Bateman, so they're all just interchangeable.

Anyway, Sady's article was good. Do I recommend *watching* the movie? Eh. Maybe just the business card scene. I don't regret it, but I don't think I'd watch it again the way I did Silence of the Lambs.


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