Metapost: That Thing Where I Talk About My Back (Sorry!)

[Content Note: Medical stuff]

I never know how much ya'll want to know about my medical stuff, and honestly that doesn't parse well with my depression cycles where I'm just genuinely not capable of judging my own relative worth to people. (I'm frequently astonished to find that you don't all hate me, which is a very strange feeling when it hits! It's like a very confusing Christmas morning sprung on me in mid-July.)


I haven't posted a Narnia for awhile, obviously. About eight weeks ago I started getting a new pain in my shoulder-blade area. On a scale of 1 to 10, it was an 8 at all time except for when it was spiking up to a 13. Yeah, I went off the scale, but the pain demanded it. It was a weird pain, too: not the usual muscle pain I've lived with all my life, but a weird new burning sensation. And I mean like an actual physical burn on my skin, the sensation of when I burn my fingers cooking.

Muscle treatments didn't help. My usual medicines didn't help. Strangely, what did help was surface stuff; light feathery touches and cool lotion. I kept asking people to check if the area was red (no), inflamed (no), puffy (no), rashes (no), anything to explain why my back and my skin hurt in this one area. Nothing. I kept thinking it would go away, but it didn't. It got worse. Finally I checked my calendar and saw that it had been 8 weeks. And friends on Twitter told me to go in and see a doctor because it sounded like nerves and nerves was bad.

I went to the doctor. She listened. She couldn't really do anything because I can't afford a slew of random fishing-expedition tests, but she listened. She agreed it sounded like nerves. She prescribed pills for me. This is my... gosh. Fourth or fifth heavy medication that I will need to take daily. Multiple times a day, in fact, which is a tricky thing for me to juggle. I'll have to set an alarm reminder on my phone. It's okay, I'll manage. Mostly I'm just worried about side-effects; apparently this new stuff is supposed to make me sleepy, which is really the last thing I need right now. But I'm sitting here looking at the bottle and probably "not in searing pain" outweighs "sleepiness". It's a close call, though. I hate how much sheer time goes into being disabled.

Anyway. Sorry, that got long! That's why I've not been posting lately. Because pain and stuff. :)

In the category of "good news": my editor emailed my manuscript back to me, and she's literally just the sweetest, and it was like sunshine opened up. Literal sunshine, in fact, because it's sunny right now and there's a breeze for the first time in months and all the house windows are open and it's autumn and that's my favorite season after spring and those things are good. So good.

I know a lot of ya'll are doing badly. So much love and hugs to you all. And special love and hugs to Chris, who is a sweetie to do the open threads for us because the posts got too overwhelming for me. Chris, I love you. <3

Anyway, sorry, I'm rambling. I'll try to keep everyone updated as I get used to the new nerve meds. I'm also pretty active on Twitter, because I can use it from my phone when I'm stuck lying in bed. Take care, everyone.


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