I am sitting at my desk crying right now.
Blogging is such an important part of my life, but I can't even look at the new Blogger interface without it physically hurting.
Even writing this stupid post hurts. It hurts my eyes and my
head and I don't know what to do. I feel so lost and upset and angry. Do
you know that Google did not even email us to warn that this would
happen this week? You can't sign up for Blogger without an email
address. They could have told me in advance. They didn't bother. And now
my head hurts and I don't know what to do to fix all this.
I've spent most of the day looking for Blogger alternatives. Many of them aren't easy to migrate to. Not all of them support Disqus. Most of them charge real world money for things Blogger offered for free -- like the ability to use the custom domain that I own. Most of them are apparently deeply insecure to hacking and DOS attacks.
Even WordPress, I think. I can't be sure. I can't figure WordPress out, I can't work out how to change the template to anything even remotely resembling the one we have. The template I spent so much time on. That I love so dearly. That makes my site look like mine. Gods, I know it seems like such a stupid thing, like a truly classic "first world problem" of zero magnitude whatsoever, but this was my space and now it hurts me to be in it. I feel like I can't even breathe, that's how lost I feel right now.
I have searched high and low for a way to make my blog useable. I can't find a Stylish plugin that would fix all this. I can hardly find any that don't also change how the front page looks to me. It seems like no matter what I do, I've lost my blog, the way it looks and feels. Two years worth of work. Over a thousand posts. More wonderful comments than I can count. I survived a surgery with this blog. I don't know how I can do this. I don't know what I should do.
I have to walk away from this for the moment. I have to ... figure out how to fix this some how. But I feel so helpless at the moment.
I'm so damn tired of living with a disability. Someone parked in my assigned medical parking today and I had to walk all the way from the non-medical lot. I was so hurt and sore when I got to my desk and all I could do this afternoon was cry because I am so fucking sick of this body I didn't ask for. I try not to be that way. I try not to think that way. I try to remind myself how lucky I am.
But I didn't want ... the last thing I needed today, was to have one more disability dropped onto me. Whether it's something wrong with my eyes or something wrong with my brain, I didn't need for my one truly safe space to turn around and hurt me.