Twilight: In Which I Have Questions

Content Note: Scam Artists

Twilight Recap: Bella accepted a ride home from Edward with the understanding that Alice will bring her truck by later. Edward has stated that he will not be in school tomorrow (Friday) and cannot join the beach outing on Saturday.

Twilight, Chapter 6: Scary Stories

Every so often I like to check in with my readers. How are you, dear readers? Are you enjoying these deconstructions? You can't actually answer that while I'm typing this post, of course, though you can answer in the comments and I hope that you will. But since I'm typing right now and you can't answer at the moment, I will come up with imaginary answers for you.

Ana, you are saying to me in my head, we like these Twilight deconstructions very much. It's very pleasing to see you call out Edward and Mike and Tyler and Eric for their creepy, abusive, territorial behavior. And we are very much looking forward to seeing you do the same for Jacob. But, Ana, you continue, making sad frowny faces in my head, it's disappointing to us that we've not seen many counter-examples of every single girl in Forks also being creepy, abusive, and territorial in their behavior.

Well, dear readers, today is your lucky day! Because this is the chapter in which every single girl in Forks is portrayed as a terrible human being! Yay!

But wait! Pause that Happy Dance. Here is the problem. All that creepy-abusive-territorial behavior by Edward-Mike-Tyler-Eric was behavior that I think -- and you really must suspend your skepticism for a moment and bear with me here -- was meant to be romantic. I know, I know, the behavior was not romantic and it was in fact creepy-abusive-and-territorial. But I think it wasn't meant to be.

And so now here is a problem with the Girls of Forks. Their behavior may be creepy-abusive-and-territorial. Or it may be confused-concerned-and-frustrated. I'm not entirely sure! I mean, I'm pretty sure that I'm supposed to hate the girls of Forks, but I'm not at all sure that I do! Even a little bit! So that's going to make this chapter a little tricky to deconstruct! But we're going to do our best.

But, I'm going to be honest with you, dear reader: I have a lot of questions I need your help with in this chapter.

   AS I SAT IN MY ROOM, TRYING TO CONCENTRATE ON THE third act of Macbeth, I was really listening for my truck. I would have thought, even over the pounding rain, I could have heard the engine's roar. But when I went to peek out the curtain -- again -- it was suddenly there.

Ana's Question 1: When is it? Now don't laugh, but I honestly don't know. When Bella first started school, I believe we decided it was January and I believe she mentioned reading one of the Bronte sisters in English class. Now we've had an indeterminate number of days while Edward gave her the silent treatment (between The Parking Lot Incident and The Fainting From Blood Typing) and Bella is apparently reading Shakespeare's Macbeth and the weather in Forks is nearly sixty degrees Fahrenheit. Is it February? March? April? I couldn't begin to guess and that makes me sad.

Ana's Question 2: Why Macbeth, and why Act 3? A quick glance at SparkNotes -- yes, Ana has an English degree but doesn't have the Shakespearean acts memorized for each play, feel free to gently mock her in the comments for her eroding memory -- tells me that Act 3 is the act where Macbeth and Lady Macbeth start to express a certain weariness with the whole murder thing and "seem shocked and dismayed that possessing the crown has not rid them of trouble or brought them happiness." Is it too much to hope that this is some sort of character allusion in Twilight, that possessing vampire blood has not rid the Cullens of trouble or brought them happiness?

Ana's Question 3: Why the silent truck? Is this meant to convey that Edward and/or Alice actually carried Bella's truck to her house, or is it meant to convey that rain in Forks is just that loud, or is it meant to convey that Bella's habit of listening to music in her headphones painfully loud (stay tuned!) is permanently damaging her hearing, or is it just a quick narrative conveyance to get back on track with the plot?

Anyway. Bella goes to school the next day.

   I wasn't looking forward to Friday, and it more than lived up to my non-expectations. Of course there were the fainting comments. Jessica especially seemed to get a kick out of that story. Luckily Mike had kept his mouth shut, and no one seemed to know about Edward’s involvement. She did have a lot of questions about lunch, though.
   "So what did Edward Cullen want yesterday?" Jessica asked in Trig.
   "I don't know," I answered truthfully. "He never really got to the point."
   "You looked kind of mad," she fished.
   "Did I?" I kept my expression blank.
   "You know, I've never seen him sit with anyone but his family before. That was weird."
   "Weird," I agreed. She seemed annoyed; she flipped her dark curls impatiently -- I guessed she'd been hoping to hear something that would make a good story for her to pass on.

Ana's Question 4: Jessica, Interested or Nosy? Jessica is, I suppose, the closest thing Bella has to a friend in Forks, but we're never really clear on the nature of their relationship. The book introduces Jessica as a nice, talkative girl who wants to be friends; the movie portrays her as the reigning Queen Bee who likes to keep her friends close and her potential rivals closer. She's interested in Mike and clearly hopes to get his leftover attention by being near Bella, but she also seems to be making an attempt to be friends with Bella regardless of the Mike-stuff, as seen with her inviting Bella to go clothes-shopping with her.

Jessica's teasing of Bella about yesterday's fainting makes Bella uncomfortable, but we're not sure how clearly Bella conveys that to Jessica. Jessica's prying about Edward's beckoning at Bella over lunch causes Bella to shut down the conversation, but since we rarely see Bella speak to Jessica in a manner that isn't hedging and wary, it's hard to say if this is unusual. Bella's "guess" of Jessica's motives isn't a particularly charitable one, but I'm still on the fence about whether or not we should take Bella's pronouncements as gospel, considering how horribly wrong she is about, for example, Edward's All-Consuming Lustful Hunger For Her Specialness when she really thinks he hates and despises her. Although, now I say that, I kind of think Bella's explanations for Edward's abusive behavior make more sense because in my experience lust doesn't usually turn a man into a raging jackwagon, so maybe I should take her guesses as gospel. You can see why I'm confused.

So! Readers! Jessica? Genuinely interested and frustrated that Bella refuses to communicate with her in a non-stonewall-y fashion or nosy gossip queen miffed that Bella isn't baring her soul so that she can pluck juicy nuggets for the rumor mill? You decide!

As an aside, I have curly hair, and while I do flip it at times, I almost never do so out of impatience. Usually that particular gesture means I'm trying to clear my thoughts and look at something from another perspective. Take that for what you will.

   The worst part about Friday was that, even though I knew he wasn't going to be there, I still hoped. When I walked into the cafeteria with Jessica and Mike, I couldn't keep from looking at his table, where Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper sat talking, heads close together. And I couldn't stop the gloom that engulfed me as I realized I didn't know how long I would have to wait before I saw him again.

Ana's Question 5: Buh. Why are only Edward and Emmett off hunting? Don't the Cullens hunt together as a group? What kind of excuses does Carlisle give the teachers at this school that half of them can show up and half of them can take off on a whim? And why the sudden heart-tearing realization that Bella doesn't know when she'll see him again? Monday is a pretty decent thing to hope for, and they have a standing date for him to drive her into town on Dance Weekend, which admittedly I have no feel for when that is.

   I intercepted a few unfriendly glances from Lauren during lunch, which I didn't understand until we were all walking out of the room together. I was right behind her, just a foot from her slick, silver blond hair, and she was evidently unaware of that.
   ". . . don't know why Bella" -- she sneered my name -- "doesn't just sit with the Cullens from now on," I heard her muttering to Mike. I'd never noticed what an unpleasant, nasal voice she had, and I was surprised by the malice in it. I really didn't know her well at all, certainly not well enough for her to dislike me -- or so I'd thought.

Ana's Question 6: Lauren, Horrible Blonde Girl or Blonde Horrible Girl? Have we seen Lauren before this moment? A brief search through Twilight tells me that the only previous mention of Lauren was her description as "a standoffish girl who had always ignored me at the lunch table" and Bella's suggestion that Lauren should group up with Tyler for the dance. If only the previous description of Lauren had mentioned that she was blonde and then we could have known in advance she was a terrible horrible person! Just like Rosalie!

Because I'm determined to get my money's worth out of the Twilight Official Illustrated Guide book that I bought, I pulled up Lauren's profile, and... well, let me just quote the relevant bits here:

NAME: Lauren Mallory

HAIR COLOR: White-blond

EYE COLOR: Green

HEIGHT: 5’6”

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION: Lauren has silky, straight, silvery blond hair, which she initially wore long. Just before senior year, she cut her hair very short.

PERSONAL HISTORY: Before Bella Swan moved to Forks, Lauren Mallory was the most sought-after girl in school. She had dated Tyler Crowley and Mike Newton in her sophomore year. When Bella started attending Forks High, it was difficult for Lauren. Despite the fact that Lauren was in fact much prettier than Bella, many of the guys at school were intrigued by a new face.

Sometime during the summer following her junior year, Lauren was approached by an alleged modeling agent in a mall in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. He told her she was a natural model, and Lauren agreed with him. The agent told her that if she cut her long hair into a shorter, edgier look and had some high-quality headshots taken, her future would be assured. Lauren followed his instructions -- spending three hundred dollars on a haircut and fifteen grand on pictures taken by the agent’s partner -- and never heard from the agent again.

I... honestly don't know what to say about that. Is that even mentioned in the books anywhere? A quick search through the collection tells me that Lauren's new hair style is mentioned in "New Moon", but I never could find an in-text explanation for it. So I guess this little comeuppance is included in the illustrated guide as a bone for the fans? But why would something that causes Bella confusion in-text -- she wonders why Lauren would cut her hair and speculates that the student body scalped her in retribution for being such a horrible person -- be hidden away forever in the special illustrated guide?  Because when someone strikingly beautiful is abused and humiliated, it makes my day to hear all about it!

I know there's a long and time-honored tradition in YA media for the Popular Pretty Person to get their comeuppance, but (a) time-honoredness doesn't make certain traditions less odious and (b) if the popular pretty people of the series whose attitudes of grandiosity may very well need some fine-tuning once out of the small pond of high school and into the bigger ocean beyond are going to get narrative comeuppance for their sins, I would think that Ms. Beautiful Swan and her backup dancers The Sparkly Cold Ones should maybe not be throwing stones in that shiny glass house of theirs.

Also, if we're counting, Lauren is now on my List Of Twilight Character I Feel Sorry for, right up there with Leah. Which is odd because, best I can tell from my quick searches, Lauren is genuinely a really terrible person. But she's so blatantly a terrible person that my mind reels away in rebellion and I feel sorry for her being puppet-mastered into Libby Lauren. You see what I mean about this chapter being difficult for me to deconstruct. 

   That night at dinner, Charlie seemed enthusiastic about my trip to La Push in the morning. I think he felt guilty for leaving me home alone on the weekends, but he'd spent too many years building his habits to break them now. [...] He seemed to approve. I wondered if he would approve of my plan to ride to Seattle with Edward Cullen. Not that I was going to tell him.
   "Dad, do you know a place called Goat Rocks or something like that? I think it's south of Mount Rainier," I asked casually.
   "Yeah -- why?"
   I shrugged. "Some kids were talking about camping there."
   "It's not a very good place for camping." He sounded surprised. "Too many bears. Most people go there during the hunting season."
   "Oh," I murmured. "Maybe I got the name wrong."

Ana's Question 7: Charlie, Understandably Absent or Absently Understandable? No, I don't know what that question means either, but now that I've brought it up, can we talk about Charlie? I would like to.

Now, you all know that I'm against parent-shaming, right? I'm not a parent, I'm never going to be, and I think parents need a little more support from random strangers like me and a little less policing of their every move. I feel that very strongly. But Charlie is not a real person. Charlie is a character in a novel, and -- more specifically -- he's a Father in a YA romance novel. This means that he is essentially going to be either dead or really, really absent all the time.

Viewed in that light, as a YA romance novel Father, Charlie is actually a pretty stand-up guy. He does not, for example, use his magical sea-trident to destroy Bella's computer where she keeps all her vampire research while bellowing through his wavy beard that no daughter of his will ever go to Italy or whatever. Nor does he foolishly stumble his way into an empty castle, make himself at home, and then get himself taken prisoner by an enchanted beast-prince so that his daughter then has to set out on an adventure to rescue him.

But even given all that, I'm not prepared to give Charlie the gold medal in parenting. I don't demand that he rearrange his work hours to be home in time to help Bella with dinner and be there every weekend to hang breathlessly at her elbow on the off-chance that she might put down Jane Austen and play Pictionary with him, but some middle ground would be nice. I'm fairly certain that the only Bella-Charlie interaction in the book has been (a) nearly-silent car rides and (b) nearly-silent dinners. There's room in every family for nearly-silent people, of course, and I don't expect the Swans to be chatterboxes on my account, but I'm just not feeling any attempt on either party's part to be... what? A family? Friendly? Something.

Am I being harsh? Is it perfectly normal and understandable for Bella and Charlie to treat each other like silent roommates? I don't know. But it seems... odd to me. Especially when Charlie will later turn around and suddenly intensely care about the state of Bella's hymen. WHY DO YOU CARE, CHARLIE?

   I meant to sleep in, but an unusual brightness woke me. I opened my eyes to see a clear yellow light streaming through my window. I couldn't believe it. I hurried to the window to check, and sure enough, there was the sun. It was in the wrong place in the sky, too low, and it didn't seem to be as close as it should be, but it was definitely the sun. Clouds ringed the horizon, but a large patch of blue was visible in the middle. I lingered by the window as long as I could, afraid that if I left the blue would disappear again.

I wanted to blow by this as I do all scenery descriptions, but then it hit me that it was one of the few pieces of Bella-character-building that we get. So drink that in.

I actually do think this paragraph is pretty good. It conveys Bella's passion for sunlight, her yearning for home, and her hovering depression momentarily lifted. I kind of wish we had more of this. 

   The Newtons' Olympic Outfitters store was just north of town. [...] In the parking lot I recognized Mike's Suburban and Tyler's Sentra.

Ana's Question 8: Why does everyone in this universe have cars? When I was a teenager, we didn't all magically get cars after our sixteenth birthdays. And Tyler has a Sentra? His parents had to sell "their" van that Tyler was driving to school "for parts", that's how damaged it was. Bella told us that in chapter 4. Why would they buy him another car so soon and let him drive it?

   Jess was there, flanked by Angela and Lauren. Three other girls stood with them, including one I remembered falling over in Gym on Friday. That one gave me a dirty look as I got out of the truck, and whispered something to Lauren. Lauren shook out her cornsilk hair and eyed me scornfully.
So it was going to be one of those days.
   At least Mike was happy to see me.
   "You came!" he called, delighted. "And I said it would be sunny today, didn't I?"
   "I told you I was coming," I reminded him.

Ana's Question 9: Why is Bella here? Earlier I speculated that Bella pretty much had to come because she doesn't want to fall out with the one group of kids that sort of like her at school, but this chapter turns the tables on that and suddenly informs us that, no, the girls of the group pretty much all hate Bella for the uncontrollable lust she stirs in their men. So since Bella does not want to be here anyway and since her presence just riles the men up in ways she wants to avoid and riles the women up in ways she doesn't want, why is she here at all?

I want to stress I don't mean that in a judging way. I think Bella is probably navigating the social framework at school the best she knows how: by going along and not making waves. Telling Mike no to the beach invitation would have been hard and uncomfortable (as seen with the turning down of the dance invitation), and so Bella didn't. She'd rather suffer the hard uncomfortableness of coming (which she doesn't want to do) and being flirted with (which she doesn't want to happen) and being hated on by the girls (which she doesn't enjoy) than to have to assert herself directly to Mike. I get that, I do, and it's hard not to immediately blame her. Bella has already turned down three guys for the school dance; she probably is trying really hard to not get a reputation as stuck-up or inaccessible.

So I can actually see a lot of good reasons for Bella to come along to the beach, but I'm not sure those reasons are given in the text or if I'm just extrapolating. So I'd like to hear why you think she's here, subjecting herself to so much misery. Points off if anyone says she's here because the plot demands it. *stern look*

Anyway, moving on to actually address the quote above, apparently unnamed girls in the party are now being snotty about Bella because she keeps beaning them about the head and falling all over them in gym class. I think I'm supposed to want to chide the girl for being insensitive to Bella's disability, but since I cannot honestly imagine Bella offering a genuine apology for falling over said girl, I'm not sure whether I should give her a pass. What do you all think?

   "We're just waiting for Lee and Samantha . . . unless you invited someone," Mike added.
   "Nope," I lied lightly, hoping I wouldn't get caught in the lie. But also wishing that a miracle would occur, and Edward would appear.
   Mike looked satisfied.

Oh, Lee. *sad trombone* The Twilight Illustrated Guide tells me that you're dating this Samantha person, and since you're not a Cullen I have to assume that means she's not just like a sister to you. My heart is broken, for yea verily you were the last shining hope for a decent love interest in this novel.

Ana's Question 10: Why has everyone in Forks High School pair-bonded? My first boyfriend was in college, unless you count That Guy I Held Hands With For A Week In Church My Sophomore Year And Then He Went And Held Hands With Another Girl Instead. 

   "Will you ride in my car? It's that or Lee's mom's minivan."
   "Sure."
   He smiled blissfully. It was so easy to make Mike happy.
   "You can have shotgun," he promised. I hid my chagrin. It wasn't as simple to make Mike and Jessica happy at the same time. I could see Jessica glowering at us now.

Ana's Question 11: Jessica, who is she glowering at and does she have a point? I like to think Jessica is glowering at Mike, and with good reason. He's promised to go to the spring dance with her, which I like to think was extended and accepted as a romantic overture. As such, I do think Jessica has something of a good reason to sort of expect Mike to pay attention to her and not keep drooling on Bella's shoes. I mean, I don't think this dance is one that people just can't attend if they don't have a partner; if Mike really isn't into Jessica, it seems wrong for him to hedge his bets like this. He needs to have told her that it was sweet for her to ask, but he's planning to go stag. That's my opinion; I'm open to others.

I think, though, the narrative is supposed to mean that Jessica is glaring at Bella. And I'm not sure if that's justified. I mean, within the narrative Bella is totally innocent, but I do feel like she could be going an extra mile to clarify to Mike that she is not interested. "You can have shotgun," can be easily followed up with a cheery, "Oh, thank you, but I was planning to sit with Angela!" *flounce* I'm not going to sit here and say Bella is required to do so, but I do think her general practice of making faces in her head and being generally silent while the plot wheels her from place to place is not helping her achieve her goals.

   The numbers worked out in my favor, though. Lee brought two extra people, and suddenly every seat was necessary. I managed to wedge Jess in between Mike and me in the front seat of the Suburban. Mike could have been more graceful about it, but at least Jess seemed appeased.

Ana's Question 12: Are we supposed to view Mike as a jerk? I really can't tell anymore.

Answer these things! Or don't! Life is short!

109 comments:

Nathaniel said...

"Is it too much to hope that this is some sort of character allusion in Twilight, that possessing vampire blood has not rid the Cullens of trouble or brought them happiness?"

Yes.

"Why the silent truck? Is this meant to convey that Edward and/or Alice actually carried Bella's truck to her house, or is it meant to convey that rain in Forks is just that loud, or is it meant to convey that Bella's habit of listening to music in her headphones painfully loud (stay tuned!) is permanently damaging her hearing, or is it just a quick narrative conveyance to get back on track with the plot? "

I think we all know what the answer is. Always.

"But she's so blatantly a terrible person that my mind reels away in rebellion and I feel sorry for her being puppet-mastered into Libby Lauren. "

I'm a huge character person. Meaning that if you can give me some good characters in your writing, I'm willing to forgive quite a whole lot else.

In this book, we have reader inserts, Mary Sues and plot driven puppets.

"Especially when Charlie will later turn around and suddenly intensely care about the state of Bella's hymen. WHY DO YOU CARE, CHARLIE?"

Because every man is in a latent state of vagina panic. In Meyer's world anyways.

"Why does everyone in this universe have cars?"

Because just the author is incapable of coming up with real characters, she is equally incapable of doing credible world building. Even when its supposed to be our world.

"Why has everyone in Forks High School pair-bonded? "

Cause Twilight is aping every crappy high school movie in existence.

thepsychobabble said...

Question 4: When I read the book, I always felt bad for Jessica. I thought she got hosed a lot. Mike treats her like second or third choice, at least when Bella is around. Bella wants to be her friend, but only when Bella needs/wants something.

Question 8: They all have cars because Forks is (it appears) a rural area. Chances are, public transportation is non-existent. I know that it was pretty normal in my rural-growing-up-area to have a car, or at least the regular use of one, after you got your license. Mostly because your parents didn't want to drive you all over anymore. They weren't always nice cars, most of the time they were "safe, maybe reliable, but not very pretty" cars.

Question 9: I think Bella is there because she feels guilty for turning down everything else. This is her olive branch, meant to appease Mike and the other kids, before they decide she's a stand-offish jerk.

Question 11: Jessica might be glowering at one or both of them. I don't think either one of them does a very good job of being friends with Jessica, imho. Whether she's justified in that glowering or not, is a different question. But I can understand the "Screw you, Mike, for drooling all over Bella AGAIN," and the "Screw you Bella, for not giving up shotgun so I can sit next to the guy that YOU KNOW I like!" feelings she might be having.

Omskivar said...

RE: #8: That was my mom's exact reasoning for giving me her old car. "I'm sick of driving you everywhere, just take it and be back by ten!"

chris the cynic said...

Correction:

Oh, Lee. *sad trombone* The Twilight Illustrated Guide tells me that you're dating this Samantha person, and since you're a Cullen

I think there should be a negation in there: "since you're not a Cullen..." And damn it I thought there was one other thing, but I can't remember what it was.

-

I'd never noticed what an unpleasant, nasal voice she had

Why is it always the unpleasant people with the unpleasant voices? I can think of a couple of people whose voices really really grate one me that I still look forward to listening to because what they have to say with those voices is worthwhile. Similarly there are people with wonderful voices who are hideously unpleasant.

I mean the simple answer is that the story is setting up good=beautiful/melodious/pleasant to the senses, and bad=not those things, except that it doesn't quite seem to be doing that. For example:

Lauren was in fact much prettier than Bella

This objective standard of beauty of which you speak, it does not exist. This also, by the way, goes against the cornerstone of Meyer's explanation for why everyone is lusting after Bella so much. The explanation, you'll recall, is that Bella, though quite plain, has gone to a place so provincial that her plainness outranks everyone else.

But taking that at face value, Lauren is objectively more pretty, then we're saying that pleasing to the senses =/= good by having her be a jerk except that her voice sucks. So really it is all about superficial qualities. It seems like it tried to go for the message that appearance isn't everything but undercut it by saying that while how you look might not be important how you sound is.

Why the silent truck?

Don't know. At the very least she should have heard the Tardis sound.

When is it?

Time flows in impossible ways in Twilight. That said I believe it's one week to the spring dance. So presumably it will be spring then. That would put this in mid March. Mind you it's also a few short weeks since mid January, so... yeah.

Why is Bella here?

I'm gonna go with path of least resistance. Refusing would have taken energy she didn't have or didn't want to expend. Though it should be noted that she felt guilty about turning some of the boys down, as I recall, so this could also be explained as making it up to them

Brin Bellway said...

Are you enjoying these deconstructions? You can't actually answer that while I'm typing this post, of course, though you can answer in the comments and I hope that you will.

My first thought this morning (that wasn't of the "are you sure it's time to get up?" type) was "hey, it's Saturday, that means Twilight". So you know.

Oh, Lee. *sad trombone* The Twilight Illustrated Guide tells me that you're dating this Samantha person, and since you're a Cullen I have to assume that means she's not just like a sister to you.

*headscratch* You mean he's not a Cullen?

Why has everyone in Forks High School pair-bonded?

I really can't say. I haven't a clue what normal teenage romantic development is. I get the impression that I'm very not it, but that's all I know.

chris the cynic said...

Also, pretty much unrelated to everything except for it involving Twilight, I wrote a thing today on how Breaking Dawn Part 1 differs from Moneyball which may or may not be accurate since I haven't actually seen Breaking Dawn Part 1. Why would I write such a random thing? I blame Amazon.

darchildre said...

Okay, compared to all the rest of this section, I realized that this is a tiny thing but it is a pet peeve of mine: rain that falls hard and heavy enough so that it could potentially stop you from hearing things outside is just not that common in western Washington. We really very rarely get "pounding rain". We get "constantly falling everything is always damp and there's moss everywhere gentle rain".

I don't know, it bothers me.

gyroninja said...

Ana's Question 2: Why Macbeth, and why Act 3?

Because referencing Shakespeare turns your writing into deep literature.

Also I'm reminded of something I read where when asked to choose a random number between 1 and 4, the majority of people pick 3.

How this is relevant is left as an exercise to the reader.

Ana's Question 3: Why the silent truck?

I think that it's supposed to show that Bella is totally engrossed in her reading because she's deep and loves Shakespeare.

But the image of Edward and Alice carrying her truck is so hilarious that I'm declaring it canon.

Ana's Question 6: Lauren, Horrible Blonde Girl or Blonde Horrible Girl?

You know, if it was just the text, I would say you're reading too much into this. But jez, that Guide entry... Is that the character description for Lauren, or for Lauren's hair?

So yeah I think she's evil because she's blonde.

Ana's Question 7: Charlie, Understandably Absent or Absently Understandable?

I'm pretty sure this is just bad writing, like Renee's unhelpful character description. It's understandable that Charlie and Bella would be awkward since it's been years since they lived under the same roof, but I don't think they're supposed to come off as distant as they do. I mean, we know that Charlie was willing to take trips to California on his policeman's salary just to meet Bella, so obvious he still cares about her.

(Also considering how much Bella apparently looks like Renee, and how Charlie is still infatuated with Renee, I kind of want to imagine that a part of the reason things are so awkward is that Charlie can't look at Bella without thinking about his messy divorce).

Ana's Question 10: Why has everyone in Forks High School pair-bonded?

It might be presumptuous, but I think it might be because Meyer's conservative upbringing leads her to believe that men and women should be married as soon as possible. Or it could just be a shitty high school romance trope.

(I remember reading someone suggest a corollary to Clarke's Law; That any sufficiently bad writing is indistinguishable from sexism. I don't think I ever realized how true it was before reading this damn book.)

Ana's Question 12: Are we supposed to view Mike as a jerk?

I... don't think so? I mean I think that might require a level of subtlety that this book just simply does not seem capable of. I mean, Edward acts like way bigger of a jerk but we're supposed to view him as the ideal man. Also I'm willing to give more of a benefit of the doubt to Bella's human suitors, because I was 17 once and I sure as hell didn't know how to talk to girls. Whereas Edward, who should have 80 years of experience at this, really has no excuse.

Ana Mardoll said...

LOL, yes, thank you. I'm on the road at the moment and can't correct it, but you are correct that there should be a NOT in that sentence.

Ana Mardoll said...

Brin, the fact that Saturday means Twilight to you put a grin on my face that the "D" key simply cannot accurately convey. :D

Ana Mardoll said...

It would bother me too. I used to live in Kentucky and we got that rain all the time and the pounding noisy stuff almost never so I understand your peeve. They are very different kinds of weather.

Ana Mardoll said...

Ha, this comment made me laugh. I like the suggested rule of writing.

gyroninja said...

Curiously enough, I know exactly what you mean when you discuss feeling sorry for Lauren. Having run into horrible characters myself before, if they're executed in a certain way- i.e. clearly horrible- my mind tends to translate it as thus.

Character is being horrible on text. Actual 'real' character's soul is upset at being forced by the author to be horrible on text.


This is how I like to imagine Edward, actually.

Oh no, the author is making me spend more time with Bella! Doesn't she realize that at any time I could lose control and murder her, putting my entire family in danger? Maybe if I act like a big enough asshole, she'll go away.

"Hey Bella, try not to fall in the ocean."

"*swoon*"

Shit, it isn't working, she only loves me more now!

Feel free to imagine a meta-Bella who is appropriately repulsed by Edward's behavior, but it required by authorial fiat to crush on him anyway.

chris the cynic said...

I don't think we're supposed to see Mike as a jerk because Mike is written as so much like Edward that if we saw Mike as a jerk we'd presumably apply the same standard to Edward and say that Edward is a jerk, an even bigger jerk, and that can't happen because Edward is perfect dontcha know?

-

I'm sort of picturing it now as this hilariously un-self aware place where -everyone- is secretly a vampire or a werewolf or a lizard-person or something, all trying to hide their non-human status from each other.

I didn't bring this up in the superhero movie thread, but I've long had an idea for a setting where there are people with all sorts of superpowers, and all sorts of shady organizations dedicated to hunting them down, and in every case they're convinced there's only one superpower. So the people who can teleport and the organization that hunts down teleporters are convinced that the only supernatural power in existence is teleportation. The people who have telekinesis and the organization dedicated to dealing with them are convinced that telekinesis is the only superpower. And in spite of the fact that whoever they are they know that one superpower is real, they're completely unbelieving of the rest. Even more so than the general population because if such a thing existed then surely they'd know about it. Right?

Plot happens when people from different spheres crash into each other in a way that's undeniable.

The basic reasoning being that if it's possible to hide something from the rest of the world so that no one who isn't let in on it knows about it, why not two things. So in Twilight the world at large doesn't know vampires are real, but if that's possible then shouldn't it also be possibly to hide the Lizard people from the vampires?

Laura said...

Nor does he foolishly stumble his way into an empty castle, make himself at home, and then get himself taken prisoner by an enchanted beast-prince so that his daughter then has to set out on an adventure to rescue him.
May I defend Beauty's father here? He is admittedly portrayed as foolish to choose the Spooky Looking Path instead of the Sunny Path (in the traditional victim-blaming "it's his fault he went somewhere dangerous" way), but he is being chased by wolves when he takes refuge in the Beast's castle, and he only makes himself at home because some of the castle's inhabitants have explicitly invited him to do so.

Are you enjoying these deconstructions?
Very much!

I am utterly baffled by the inclusion of "Ha ha ha Lauren's family was scammed out of *fifteen thousand dollars* by con artists, hooray!" in the illustrated guide. That's... like the author is punishing a character for the sin of being written to be disliked.

Ana Mardoll said...

LOL, good point. I've got a decon coming up on the original tale, and I accidentally conflated that story with Disney's adaptation.

Kit Whitfield said...

Points off if anyone says she's here because the plot demands it. *stern look*

What, so I can't talk about how the book shapes itself around and expresses itself through plot needs? *walks off with head hanging disconsolately*

Ana Mardoll said...

LOL, you know, that is a very good point! I retract my previous statement! ;)

Amarie said...

Hey, guys!

First, I want to apologize that I'm not posting a lot...here, or on my own blog. I'm neck-deep in college work and I'm staying overtime at my job more and more. I am SO sorry!! D:

However! I am going to TRY and say (ooohhh, I have a L.O.T to say) what I want to either on Sunday or Monday.

I love you all and I can't wait to hang out with you guys again! :D

Sabayon said...

As for when it is, if it's 60 degrees out that means it is at least April. Now about the silent truck, in all the ten years I lived in Western Washington the rain never, not even once, could have been accurately described as "pounding" so I think we need to consider the possibility that Bella had a severe migraine that she neglected to mention (there re many points in the text where she downplays or laughs off serious health problems or concerns, so I think that's a good theory). I know sometimes when I get migraines I focus on one specific noise, especially if it is a constant one (such as a lat Spring drizzle), which functionally drowns out everything else. Alternatively, perhaps she passed out briefly; that happens too.

jp said...

**Character is being horrible on text. Actual 'real' character's soul is upset at being forced by the author to be horrible on text.

This is how I like to imagine Edward, actually.**

Isn't that kind of how Robert Pattinson describes reconciling himself to playing Edward? Too lazy to look it up but I recall in a few interviews he's offered his own opinion that Sparkleboy is a real jerkwad. So meta-Edward and actor-Edward at least have something they can bond over in imaginary-land.

Yes, Ana, love these decons! I'm on Team "Wakes up on Saturday and goes 'Oooo! New Twilight snark!'"

The "everyone is coupled up" theme bugs me too, and I agree with those who attribute it to Meyers' fundie background (humans belong in hetero-normative couples, and the sooner they get on with it, the better for everyone). Plus lazy writing; by the time Jacob's previously non-existent sister enters one of the books, apparently for the sole purpose of providing a girlfriend for Jacob's barely-characterized room-mate, I am gnashing my teeth.

Yamikuronue said...

When I was in high school my mom drove me to school every day. That wasn't seen as unusual, though many of my classmates drove themselves. Why does not one of the students have that option? Literally not one of them is driven to school by a parent. Wouldn't it make more sense for Charlie to take Bella to school when it's so icy she's likely to get hurt getting in her car?

Though someone did mention insurance: it's possible Tyler's got really nice insurance where they pay for a rental car while yours is being fixed/replaced/whatever and this new car is a rental. I had to opt out of that to save money but it's out there.

Majromax said...

@Patrick Knipe:
I'm sort of picturing it now as this hilariously un-self aware place where -everyone- is secretly a vampire or a werewolf or a lizard-person or something, all trying to hide their non-human status from each other.

Isn't that pretty much the plot of every Paranoia game ever?

@Ana:
Ana's Question 10: Why has everyone in Forks High School pair-bonded?
Curse you! Now I can't stop imagining David Attenborough's "Life of Vampires", describing how the humans of Forks, upon reaching the first blush of sexual maturity, naturally form pair-bonds for protection from the predators in their midst.

Instinctually, they gather in large, herd-like groups for safety in numbers. Their predators are fearsome, but few., preferring to take prey isolated both physically and socially.

The allure of the outsider -- exotic genetic material for the small group of humans in this remote location -- is tempered by battle-worn wariness. The appearance of weakness and vulnerability is too tempting for a predator to resist, and a newcomer's disruptive ways can cause a rift in the community.

What will become of Bella Swan, a newcomer to this strange and exotic land? Will she learn the ways of her herd, or will she become shun and outcast, easy prey that will not be missed?

Joanne said...

Although I'm not a big commenter, I certainly look forward to these deconstructions. I haven't read Twilight, but I'm working on writing a YA supernatural romance, so I kind of feel like I ought to, to get a feel for the biggest recently published book in the field. So I appreciate that these deconstructions let me avoid actually reading it, while getting the benefit of understanding it.

I don't have a whole lot else to say about this one, except that I grew up in rural Western Washington, in a town not too dissimilar to Forks, and the idea of all the teenagers having cars is a little weird, but not too strange. When I was a teenager, my older brother and I shared a 15 year old Toyota Tercel hatchback, which my parents never drove- they had their own cars, and the whole point of having a car that we could use was that we could drive ourselves and our younger siblings around. I definitely wouldn't have said that it was MY car, though some of the other teenagers I knew did have their own cars. I do get the impression that Meyer thinks of all her (human) characters as solidly middle class, which is strange for a rural town- there ought to be a fair number of families who are quite poor.

Her grasp of Washington's weather isn't that great, either. Forks is on the coast next to the Olympic Rainforest, which means that its temperature varies about 30 degrees throughout the year, between about 40 and 70 degrees, maybe with a few spikes hotter in the summer and colder in the winter, and the rain is constant and drizzly, almost never "pounding" or loud. Just because its 60 degrees doesn't mean its not still winter, though- we had some 60 degree weather here in Seattle in January, and I doubt it was that much colder, if at all, in Forks.

Meow said...

Lurker post ahoy!

I've been ninja-ing about for a while but there is something here I have to comment on. When I read Twilight I really did think Alice carried Bella's truck to her house. I didn't dwell on it.... My brain was pretty numb by then. I just thought, "oh, that's weird," and moved on.

But I just had a funny idea about that situation. A while back a sort of 'who can out the Cullens first' competition among the family was mentioned. I can't remember which post it was. My new official cannon is this:

Alice, realizing that Edward is winning, decides to lift Bella's truck over her head and dance down the street with it on the way to her house.

Meow said...

This is the post I mentioned above: http://www.anamardoll.com/2011/09/twilight-gaslighting-101.html

Ana Mardoll said...

Yay! Looking forward to it and DEFINITELY miss you. But college busy-ness, I definitely understand. :)

Ana Mardoll said...

Curse you! Now I can't stop imagining David Attenborough's "Life of Vampires", describing how the humans of Forks, upon reaching the first blush of sexual maturity, naturally form pair-bonds for protection from the predators in their midst.

Wow. I LOVE THIS. This needs to be a thing. Is this a real thing in the real world? If not, it needs to be written.

Ana Mardoll said...

Alice, realizing that Edward is winning, decides to lift Bella's truck over her head and dance down the street with it on the way to her house.

I literally laughed out loud at this. NEW HEAD CANON. Ha.

Ana Mardoll said...

Also! *LURKER HUGS* to all the lurkers. I can't tell you how happy I am that I'm making so many people's Saturdays just a little bit funner. That is so very very very awesome for me. :D

chris the cynic said...

Well looking at Stealing Commas I find it here. Which tells me that it was in this thread. Assuming we're thinking of the same thing.

And that reminds me that I have once again forgotten to send in my submission for this Week in the Slacktiverse. Not that I've written that much this week anyway.

I should do that now, better an hour and a half late than even later.

gyroninja said...

But I just had a funny idea about that situation. A while back a sort of 'who can out the Cullens first' competition among the family was mentioned. I can't remember which post it was. My new official cannon is this:

Alice, realizing that Edward is winning, decides to lift Bella's truck over her head and dance down the street with it on the way to her house.


Oh gosh. The vampire who does the most outrageous thing without tipping off the authorities wins.

Edward: Ha, Alice! You'll never guess what I got away with today!
Alice: What?
Edward: I just kidnapped the police chief's daughter and drove her to Seattle.
Alice: And he didn't ask any questions afterward?
Edward: Nope.
Alice: You bastard! How am I going to top that?

gyroninja said...

This also would explain something else that really, really bugs me about Edward. I look at his back story (100 year old vampire, moving from town to town, deep dark secret, etc), and his personality (controlling passive-aggressive asshole), and I just can't reconcile the two. It seems like the first time he treated a girl like he treats Bella*, Alice or Jasper or whoever would pull him over the next day to say, "Listen shithead, her parents and her friends are getting worried about her and asking lots of questions about us now. We just got here, and if we have to move again this soon, I'm taking it out on your hide."


*I know the actual answer to this specific objection is that, oh, but the way he feels about Bella is different from any other woman he's met in eighty-plus years, because true love, but we all know that's lazy storytelling at its finest. D:

Ana Mardoll said...

12) Is Mike a jerk? Absolutely. At least, out here in reality. Are we supposed to see him as one? Maaaaaybe. If 11) above applies, then he's only a jerk because he's being blatant.

Interesting. We've been comparing Mike to Edward all this time because they are both jerky in similar ways, but Edward is ONE TRUE LOVE struck and doesn't have a wandering eye. Is Mike's literary flaw that he was willing to settle for Jessica when Edward (off-page, and prior to the novel) supposedly turned her down?

Now imagine it with "Weapon of Choice" playing in the background

OH. MY. GOD.

Ana Mardoll said...

I'm pretty sure that Bella compares her relationship with Edward to both Romeo and Juliet and Wuthering Heights, while simultaneously considering it beautiful true love. Yeah, I think it's too much to hope.

Ah, man. I was totally running with Patrick Knipe's awesome ideas (and thank GOODNESS I'm not the only one who struggles to remember what happens in which act of the plays because I thought it was just me) but you're right -- we don't have a good track record of the name-dropped literature being actual read or understood. I haz a sad now.

chris the cynic said...

Lauren is sitting on the side of the road, dejected. Her previously long hair now short. Bella pulls up in her truck and gets out.
Lauren: (her voice is soft, weary) Hey Bella, I'm not really up for a standoff right now.
Bella: That's ok. I'm not looking for one.
*Bella sits next to Lauren*
Lauren: I've had a bad... week? Month? I don't even know. Everything seemed to be going so well and then it just...
*Lauren hangs her head*
Bella: I know.
*Lauren looks up quickly*
Lauren: You know? How could you know?
*Bella holds up a book*
Bella: It's in the guide.
Lauren: Can I see that?
*Bella hands it over*
Lauren: This is more than half my description. It's like it's the only important thing that ever happened in my life is getting ripped off. What the hell was the point of all this?
*pause*
Lauren: Please tell me it's relevant to the plot.
Bella: It doesn't seem to be.
Lauren: Fuckernutter.
*silence*
*Lauren goes back to hanging her head*
Bella: Lauren?
Lauren: Yes?
Bella: I know we're supposed to hate each other, but if there's anything I can do...
Lauren: That's very sweet, but I don't think there is.
Bella: Well is there anything you've been wanting to do?
Lauren: (even sadder) That's the worst part.
Bella: Sorry.
Lauren: No, you don't have to- it's not your fault. You couldn't have known.
*silence*
Lauren: It's just... I've always wanted to go to Italy, and I saved up enough to get there, but then this guy comes along and he really had me convinced I could be a model. I... I checked. I looked at his website, I scoped out his office, I didn't do as much as I should but he really looked legit and one of the things he said was that he could get me working in Italy. Venice, Florence, Milan, everything I'd ever wanted. So *sniffle* when I needed some money up front I took it out of my savings for the Italy trip because I was going to go there as a model anyway. And-
*Lauren looks at the ground in silence*
*Bella tries to reassure her with a hand on the shoulder*
Lauren: and now I don't have enough to go. I've been looking forward to it for a year.
Bella: Then the solution is obvious.
Lauren: No, it isn't.
Bella: We'll get you to Italy.
Lauren: How?
Bella: In my truck.
*Lauren just looks at Bella*
Bella: I'm serious.
Lauren: You do realize there's an ocean in the way, right?
Bella: You think in such two dimensional ways.
*more of Lauren just looking Bella*
Bella: What? The surface of a sphere is a two dimensional surface. It's not Euclidean but it's... never mind. Let me show you.
*Bella stands up and offers Lauren a hand*
*Lauren doesn't respond*
Bella: I promise I won't bite.
*Lauren accepts and they go to the truck*
*Bella opens the panel in the driver's side floor*
*Lauren looks down the shaft, then under the truck, then back down the shaft*
Lauren: How is this possible?
Bella: Oh that's just the start. Down the ladder, down the hall, hang a right, another hall, and we can start this truck on it's way to Italy.
*Bella starts climbing into the truck*
Bella: Where did you want to go first?
*Bella disappears into the truck*
Bella: You coming?
Lauren: (to herself) What the hell. (to Bella) I'm coming.
*Lauren disappears into the truck*

Futon Fighter said...

The answer to a lot of your questions on how to interpret the various minor characters is in the leaked version of Midnight Sun (Twilight from Edward's POV). When I was reading Twilight, however, I presumed that Bella - being higly introverted - was merely sensitive to intent and so even if the character seemed to be being nice she got a sense that they weren't. Midnight Sun seemed to bear this idea out.

Only Angela is genuinely nice amongst Bella's school friends.

Also, due to SMeyer's issues there is a tendency in the series for all blondes to be bitches or ice queens or both. They also tend to get some kind of comeuppance. Exception to this is Leah in the later books who is Native American and bitchy - however this is a plot contrivance that SMeyer intends to carry over to any future Twilight-related books which will likely centre on Jacob, Rennesme and Leah (and I can only assume The Volturi).

Ana Mardoll said...

Chris, that's so sweet. Bella and Lauren and Truck, for the win!!

*does a double-take at the comments*

Fifteen thousand?!? For some reason I was thinking fifteen hundred. 1,500. Not 15,000. Good grief.

Ana Mardoll said...

Only Angela is genuinely nice amongst Bella's school friends.

The official reason for this, at least as far as I can tell, is because she's Sarah Plain And Tall.

NAME: Angela Weber

HEIGHT: 6’1”

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION: Angela is tall and has honey-colored highlights in her hair.

PERSONAL HISTORY: Angela Weber was born and raised in Forks. She is the only daughter of a Lutheran minister and his wife. Her twin brothers, Joshua and Isaac, are eight years younger than she is and are very loud and demanding of attention, but Angela dotes on them. Angela’s unusual height made her self-conscious, and she developed into a shy, reserved person. She was a good all-around student and well liked despite her shyness, thanks to her kind, sweet nature. Angela started dating Ben Cheney during her junior year. She was accepted to the University of Washington, where Ben also planned to attend.

---

*sigh*

Ana Mardoll said...

Also, thank GODS she was accepted at the same college as her high school boyfriend. Wouldn't want her to pair-bond with someone she didn't know in high school.

chris the cynic said...

So, apparently, I read it right and then concluded that I must have read it wrong because I convinced myself that though I initially thought it said fifteen thousand it was actually fifteen hundred.

I do not believe 15 thousand. Clearly she was told that it would be a smaller amount (1,500) and then via shadiness and fraud was charged for ten times that much. It will all work out in the end as either:
A) The obvious fraud will be recognized as such and therefore Lauren will be reimbursed
or
B) Lauren and Bella will rob an evil vampire bank while in Italy liberating a large quantity of diamonds which they will sell at far below their market value so that Lauren can get back the money she has lost while simultaneously pissing of De Beers.

Or, I suppose, both.

Loquat said...

7. Charlie

I'm going to invent some backstory for Charlie and say he had either a female relative or good friend - let's call her "Daisy" - who got pregnant in high school by her ZOMG TRU LUV boyfriend and dropped out to be a teen mom, and the boy dumped her because he couldn't take the stress of taking care of a baby, and her life has been a struggle ever since. And Charlie was content to let Bella do her own thing as long as she seemed to be keeping her mind on her studies, but once she starts mooning over a boy he starts worrying that she'll be Daisy all over again and HE WILL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN.

bekabot said...

"As for when it is, if it's 60 degrees out that means it is at least April."

Hate to disagree, but I've lived in western Washington for years, and though 60℉February days are unusual around here they're not nonexistent. Right this minute I'm sitting in a dim room looking through a large window at a dim February day, and the thermometer outside the window says the temperature is 52℉. A few days ago the temperature actually did break 60℉in a few places (recently we've had some unseasonably-but-not-bizarrely warm weather). Of course, this is 2012 and not 2005. Maybe the temperature didn't rise above 60℉in 2005 until April in 2005 — I don't recall, and I'm physically restraining myself from trying to find out. Off the top of my head, though, I remember there being some pretty warm days in February that year. They may not have topped 60 degrees but they were at least in the high 50's. Which of course has no bearing on anything one way or the other. The Twilight 2005 is not identical with Earth 2005, and there's no reason to think that the western Washington weather of Twilight corresponds to the western Washington weather of Earth except that a) the books say so, and b) Bella's reported experiences (squashy green stuff everywhere) seem to bear out what the books say.

About the rain, though, everybody's right: rain in western Washington doesn't pound, it sifts or mists, and is soft, not loud.

"I hurried to the window to check, and sure enough, there was the sun. It was in the wrong place in the sky, too low, and it didn't seem to be as close as it should be, but it was definitely the sun. Clouds ringed the horizon, but a large patch of blue was visible in the middle."

This description struck home to me, because it's pretty accurate: one of the reasons I have for thinking that season Bella's describing here is still winter and not (yet) spring is that the sun's still skewed far enough to the south that its position strikes Bella as weird. If this were an April day Bella would not (IMO) open her eyes to an immediate realization that the sun is busy shining on the other side of the world, and that what she's getting is the overflow.

bekabot said...

Sorry about the garbledom above. I hope the message was understandable though imperfectly transmitted. I'm fighting the aftermath of a bad cold, but, still, no excuses.

Ana Mardoll said...

Made sense to me. :) It seems kind of March or February to me, but maybe one of those unusually warm days? Tough to say.

Someone did point out to me in email that Arizona gets pounding rains, so that may be the source of Meyer's rain experience.

Patrick Knipe said...

I'm pretty sure that Bella compares her relationship with Edward to both Romeo and Juliet and Wuthering Heights, while simultaneously considering it beautiful true love.

Wait, really? She does this?

*sigh*

Is it really too much to ask for that there is some glimmer of self-awareness here desperately trying to break out? The idea of someone unironically taking Wuthering Heights of Romeo and Juliet as a serious depiction of true love is kind of... Disappointing.

Now, Bella is definitely the sort of teenager (i.e. like me) who would unironically compare their romantic bonds with those found in stories. That's perfectly fine, but what is confusing is that this is Bella, who is apparently really into this sort of literature and gets it pretty well. It's hard to 'get into' Wuthering Heights and Romeo and Juliet and not pick up on all the bad things that happen.

Indeed, Romeo and Juliet is basically a cliche at this point. A boy says: "You and me are like Romeo and Juliet!" The girl replies, "You know they both die at the end, right?"

Research is really good: if you want to make your character as someone who is good at her literary understanding, then demonstrating them grasping the material in a well-rounded way is a good, good idea.

Ok. I should clarify: people should not be expected to brutally analyse every text reference they make in their novels, rooting out the hidden meanings and the like. That's a lot of work, and whilst it'll probably help, for singular references it's a lot of trouble for such a thing.

What I would like is for people to take the ten minutes to visit Wikipedia and read up.*

*I admit, I do this all the time. Obsessively. So it might just be my own preference. I tend to second-guess myself far too much, and the moment I have the chance it's off to research~!

I'm lucky I don't have one of those shiny new space phones, otherwise I'd probably wiki mid-conversation.

Nathaniel said...

I just read that article. And instantly regretted it. The presumption of that woman has actually made my stomach curdle.

Patrick Knipe said...

So she admits Heathcliff is pure evil... So she's aware of that?

And Bella makes this comparison in text?

She had to have known- alright! I think I can provide rationale on this.

Clearly he's a Heathcliff -now-, but through the purifying power of true love, she will redeem him!

But Twilight doesn't really read as a redemption tale, huh.

Silver Adept said...

@Ana Mardoll -

You're welcome. I thought that would be a nice addition to the mental picture.

I'm not sure that Mike's literary flaw is that he settled for Jessica. I think his literary flaw is supposed to be that he's the playboy with privilege who chases the chaste heroine and can't catch her, but because everyone must be paired off in the end, he gets Jessica. (Possibly because she's the most worldly and won't mind his roving eye, or because she's so phenomenally jealous that she'll keep him in line with an icy stare every time he thinks about philandering openly.)

Lauren being defrauded like that, and only in the guide is writing out a revenge for a character that most people won't remember. One thinks there is another reason for such things appearing.

And Angela's "unusual height" at 6'1"? Thfffffffftah-ha-ha-ah-hahahahahahahahahaha! Last I checked, the average height of a woman in the United States was just short of six feet. A woman at 6'6" or 6'8" (approx 2m) is unusually tall. (A man of that height is also unusually tall, but becoming less so with time.) Now, if Angela were unusually tall early on in life and made fun of for it, that could cause a shy development, but from my (slightly thundercloud-colored) recollection, it was usually something related to physical beauty, not physical height, that was the schoolyard insult. Faaaaaail, S. Meyer. Not everyone beautiful is lithe, petite, fair-skinned and blemish-free . Surely you could even see that in Hollywood (or in an Or So I Heard way about porn and male preferences).

Timothy (TRiG) said...

I'm thinking the silent truck is supposed to be a sign of vampire grace. They move easily, quietly. They're almost elvish in that. So it would make sense that they'd drive quietly too.

But a dancing Alice using the truck as an umbrella is a much better image.

I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain.

TRiG.

redcrow said...

>>>How are you, dear readers? Are you enjoying these deconstructions?

Oh, I do enjoy them, and, yes, I'm still around, but due to being in a very bad place emotionally, creatively and political-climate-wise lately I can't force myself to come up with anything to say. It's either leaving really silly comments with occasional filking or nothing at all - and most of the time "nothing at all" wins. It's easier to press a "like" button than enter the discussion. Sorry about that. Things most likely won't get better any soon, but I didn't stop reading - just went into lurking mode.


"Oh no, a girl who isn't Alice The Sparkly has *short hair*?! Probably someone either shaved her head for being nasty or tricked her into it as a part of the scam!"
In my head-AU, Lauren simply got a haircut. Because she wanted to. Everything else was just gossip - there were some urban legends resurfacing about fake model agensies and the like lately, and the haircut probably *was* expensive... People jumped to conclusions, especially those who didn't like Lauren.

Makabit said...

Where does a high school girl from rural Oregon get fifteen thousand bucks to blow on headshots?

Makabit said...

"Rhett had a mean streak and cheated with hookers." I have to object here. Anyone attempting to live with Scarlett O'Hara is going to need some sort of self defense mechanism. And given everything, I really think that Dan Savage would have given Rhett permission to take up with Belle Watling.

...and sweet Gilbert was much more of a Jacob than an Edward. (Also the only man on this list I would consider touching with a bargepole, let alone marrying.)

Jenna Moran said...

[QUOTE]Where does a high school girl from rural Oregon get fifteen thousand bucks to blow on headshots?[/QUOTE]

She's a highly-trained assassin. It didn't come up in the Official Illustrated Guide because there wasn't really room to cover [I]everything.[/I]

gyroninja said...

And Angela's "unusual height" at 6'1"? Thfffffffftah-ha-ha-ah-hahahahahahahahahaha! Last I checked, the average height of a woman in the United States was just short of six feet. A woman at 6'6" or 6'8" (approx 2m) is unusually tall. (A man of that height is also unusually tall, but becoming less so with time.)

Hmm? No, I don't think that's right at all. Everywhere I can see puts the height of the average American woman at somewhere between 5' 4" and 5' 5". So 6' 1" is pretty tall for a woman.

Silver Adept said...

Ah, shoot. Fail on my part, them. Thanks for fact-checking me. I still think that unusual height would not have been the reason for shyness, but something else developing (or not developing).

Ana Mardoll said...

I honestly don't know how to say this without coming off badly, but I've been thinking for a while now, Ana; from what I can see, you cut the female characters additional slack compared to the guys when we don't have hard evidence or whatever to go on.

Oh, no, I definitely see it too and I think I remarked on it a bit in the OP, but I'm not sure what to do about it at the moment. A major problem is that I prefer to criticize people for what they DO rather than what they THINK, and in the world of Twilight -- at least so far -- the men are the doers and the women (Bella) mostly just think at them.

The one thing I can really see Bella doing in today's section is she showed up at the beach get-together. And I can't even figure out the in-text reason for this, which makes it hard to criticize.

The other female character include Jessica, who maybe gossips and glares? Which may or may not be a bad thing? Lauren, who is dreadfully awful, but so very very very dreadfully awful that I can't not feel sorry for her (plus, she says what many of us are thinking about Bella, lol!), and Angela who doesn't do anything but look shy. Well, and there's unnamed girl who snarks at Bella for beaning her on the head in gym.

It's just not at the same level as picking up a girl against her will or cornering her by her truck to ask her out to a girls-choice dance or being all excited that a girl is fainting so that you have an excuse to touch her. :/

But I have high hopes that Alice will do lots of things that need criticizing. Which is a shame because I like the idea of her character. *sigh*

Ana Mardoll said...

*hugs* Lots of emotional support on the creativity and crappy politics issues. I'm trying to ride it out myself, too. *hugs*

And, yeah, is Alice the only girl with "pretty" short hair??

Ana Mardoll said...

She's a highly-trained assassin. It didn't come up in the Official Illustrated Guide because there wasn't really room to cover everything.

Huh! I'm collecting a LOT of new head canon this weekend. :D

Ana Mardoll said...

Hmm? No, I don't think that's right at all. Everywhere I can see puts the height of the average American woman at somewhere between 5' 4" and 5' 5". So 6' 1" is pretty tall for a woman.

Maybe this is a mean/median/mode thing? The average in the US is (or was, no idea how old those numbers are) 5'4" which happens to be my height, but almost all the women I know are significantly shorter or taller than me. Husband is 6'2" and it's not terribly unusual for us to meet women his height.

Maybe it'd be remarked on in school, though. Kids can be rough.

Amaryllis said...

If it's Saturday, it must be Twilight, (even if I don't get to it until Sunday).


My niece is 6', and I know she considered herself unusual. Although she didn't mind, because the basketball scholarship definitely helped with college.

Her brother is 6'6" and decided early that he had no interest in basketball whatsoever. I broke the high scholl coach's heart every time he looked at him.

But even in a tall family, my niece and nephew stand out. I should say, my husband's niece and nephew; my side runs to short.

-----
Hi redcrow, it's good to hear from you. I'm sorry you're going through a tough time, and I understand completely about not having the energy to post much. Take care of yourself.

----
All I have to say about Scarlett and Rhett is that they deserve each other. Very unpleasant people both of them.

----
Is it perfectly normal and understandable for Bella and Charlie to treat each other like silent roommates?
I don't know about normal. But even "silent roommates" is better than "silence punctuated by fights that would do credit to a two-year-old in a tantrum." Er, not that I have any experience with that kind of thing, of course.

In the ordinary way, a father and a seventeen-year-old daughter would be beginning to disengage, as she starts moving toward an independent life. I get the impression that Charlie and Bella are already disengaged, that his occasion visits weren't enough to maintain much of a family connection, and neither of them has the faintest idea how to go about re-establishing one.

----
Why did Bella go to the beach party? I don't know about her, but I was glad to have a setting that wasn't either school or Charlie's house. Do the teens of Forks act differently when they're out on their own?

----
Why has everyone in Forks High School pair-bonded?
Pair the Spares, everyday~ Everybody's got to get into their Regular Approved Relationships or else it would be bad, donchaknow. Some good old fashioned conservative values sneak into the story.


I don't know, is Forks the kind of place where a fair number of people get married within a few years of completing high school? Then I could see it. If they're all planning to go to college or otherwise delay marriage, then not so much.

Because there's a kind of conservativism which frowns on dating until it's time for "courtship," a serious relationship with the expectation that it'll end in marriage. Until you're ready for marriage, you should be focusing on education and getting yourself ready for adult life, not getting distracted with dating or tempted by sex.

And then there's the "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" crowd, which recommends "group dates" as a way of evaluating how a potential partner acts with people in general, rather than trying to impress a love interest on a private date. Maybe this beach party is Forks's version of a group date, since the guys at least don't in fact seem to be particularly in any of the girls they're with.

-----
In my head-AU, Lauren simply got a haircut. Because she wanted to. Everything else was just gossip - there were some urban legends resurfacing about fake model agensies and the like lately, and the haircut probably *was* expensive... People jumped to conclusions, especially those who didn't like Lauren.
Duly head-canonized.

Ana Mardoll said...

Her brother is 6'6" and decided early that he had no interest in basketball whatsoever. He broke the high school coach's heart every time he looked at him.

When I was growing up, there was a young black man in our church who was 6'6" or thereabouts. It eventually started to frustrate him that everyone he met assumed he was a basketball player.

chris the cynic said...

I don't know, but I'm definitely leaning toward bank robbery to make up the loss.

Lauren: I can't believe I lost fifteen hundred dollars.
Bella: Thousand.
Lauren: What?
Bella: Fifteen thousand dollars.
Lauren: No...
Bella: The guide says Fifteen grand.
Lauren: Let me see that.
*reads*
Lauren: This can't be right. I might have been too excited for due diligence, but I wasn't that overeager and I've never been quite that reckless.
Bella: I have.
Lauren: Yeah, but... but you're the main character in a badly written book. The plot doesn't move if you're not reckless. What happened to me doesn't even factor into the plot.
Bella: Maybe the author just doesn't like you.
Lauren: I'm telling you, I didn't spend that much. *beat* Does this thing have an internet connection?
Bella: Yeah, the computer terminal's over there.
*Lauren goes, the keyboard is taken from a typewriter, she logs into her bank's website*
Lauren: (sounding defeated) Yup. Fifteen thousand less. That's... absurd.
Bella: Maybe they charged you ten times.
Lauren: Or added a zero.
*pause*
Lauren: How am I going to make that back? That's like 30% of the median annual household income.
Bella: Really?
Lauren: This is 2006 right?
Bella: I think so.
Lauren: Then it's a little over 29.86%, which is like 30%. The median annual household income is 50,233 dollars.
Bella: Did not know that.
Lauren: The question remains, how am I supposed to make up a loss like that?
Bella: Well... this is just a suggestion, but... we could rob a bank.
Lauren: What?
Bella: There are these evil Italian vampires, and we're in Italy, and presumably they keep their savings somewhere, so it seems that a logical solution would be to rob a bank.
Lauren: Evil Italian vampires?
Bella: Yeah, I'm not supposed to know about them yet, but
*Bella picks up the official illustrated guide*
Lauren: You've read the guide.
Bella: It makes things more bearable when you know what's coming.

And then they rob a bank, specifically safe-deposit boxes with diamonds in them. I picture Bella making announcements and Lauren translating them into Italian. She'd start by quoting Serenity, "This is a robbery but we're after is not yours."

On the other hand, it might make more sense to rob the bank after hours.

redcrow said...

Ana, Amaryllis - thank you.

Ana Mardoll said...

It makes me sad (but happy, because FAN-FIC!) that fic!Bella treats fic!Lauren with more natural kindness and compassion than book!Bella does.

I think "after hours" would be a bad time. The vampires are super human, but are confined to darkness because of the Masquerade. Seems to me the best thing they can do is rob the bank at sunrise on a really bright sunny day?

Ana Mardoll said...

I also should probably not get so delighted at the math/economy geekery in these posts, and yet I always do. Math!!

chris the cynic said...

@redcrow

I've been trying to figure out what to say, I haven't really come up with anything good.

For example:
Things most likely won't get better any soon, but I didn't stop reading - just went into lurking mode.

I hope you're wrong. That doesn't sound very supportive, now does it? "I hope you're wrong," sounds more like an attack. But I very sincerely hope you're wrong about that and that things get better for you soon.

Also always remember that just because people aren't talking to you (because when you're not posting they really can't) doesn't mean that they're not thinking about you. I know that sometimes when I go into lurker mode I start feeling like no one cares, and that's not true. It's just that it's nearly impossible to show that one cares when the person they care about is lurking.

chris the cynic said...

I think "after hours" would be a bad time. The vampires are super human, but are confined to darkness because of the Masquerade. Seems to me the best thing they can do is rob the bank at sunrise on a really bright sunny day?

Good point.

-

But I have high hopes that Alice will do lots of things that need criticizing. Which is a shame because I like the idea of her character. *sigh*

I find myself loving Alice as a character in this stage when I know almost nothing about her. I have this vague yet awesome concept of Alice in my head. I fear for what will happen to that concept when it meets the actual Alice.

gyroninja said...

Maybe this is a mean/median/mode thing? The average in the US is (or was, no idea how old those numbers are) 5'4" which happens to be my height, but almost all the women I know are significantly shorter or taller than me. Husband is 6'2" and it's not terribly unusual for us to meet women his height.

Maybe it'd be remarked on in school, though. Kids can be rough.


Yeah, I was trying to see if anywhere had the standard deviation, but I couldn't find it. It'd be helpful to know what percentile Angela is actually in. Plus, you know, teenagers. Angela certainly wouldn't be the first 17 year old to be self-conscious about something that other people didn't care about or even notice.

(Anecdotally, my half-sister is 6' 0", and she was somewhat self-conscious about her height in high school. She used to call herself 5' 12").

Ana Mardoll said...

I find myself loving Alice as a character in this stage when I know almost nothing about her. I have this vague yet awesome concept of Alice in my head. I fear for what will happen to that concept when it meets the actual Alice.

Yeah, this is where I am as well. I love the idea of Alice, I even sort of like her movie character because I like the way the actress pulls it off, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to be full on ragey when she actually walks onto the page and starts cleaning up after Edward without a second thought.

Maybe we'll get good meta!Alice fic in the process.

gyroninja said...

Oh, no, I definitely see it too and I think I remarked on it a bit in the OP, but I'm not sure what to do about it at the moment. A major problem is that I prefer to criticize people for what they DO rather than what they THINK, and in the world of Twilight -- at least so far -- the men are the doers and the women (Bella) mostly just think at them.

Yeah, I actually think this is fair. The female characters are just as unpleasant and badly written as the male characters are, but very little they actually do could be construed as "dangerous". I'm pretty sure that Bella is a bad person, but she doesn't creep me out the way Edward (and later probably Jacob) does.

redcrow said...

Chris, I *wish* I was wrong. For a while I thought things can change for the better. They didn't.

Okay, that's the suituation. There are currently serious problems with gay rights in Russia - not that there were no such problems before, but now they want to fine people for "propaganda of homosexuality". Whatever the fuck *that* is. Basicaly, they don't want children to think that same-sex relationships are just as valid as opposite-sex ones (and to grow up gay as a result).

So, yeah.

Ana Mardoll said...

That's so horrible. :(

redcrow said...

As far as I know that's not the country-wide law *yet*. It happened in some cities, really, really wants to happen in St. Peterburg - the bill was approved in the second reading. One day it might come to my town, too. So, for the last three or so months, I'm in a state of panic.
(It also means that if things will go like this, I shouldn't bother to work on my Epic Soap Opera With Dolls, because I might not be able to ever publish it online.)

jp said...

By the way...can I just...?

**"Nope," I lied lightly, hoping I wouldn't get caught in the lie. **

Once again, character-Bella demonstrates that despite her indignant protests to Sparklepants in the hospital ("I don't like to lie!") she pretty much lies constantly. Glibly. Easily. "Lightly."

I was going to pass over in silence (because what is one more detail amid so much fail) something Ana highlighted in last week's post--the moment when El Sparko asks Bella if she thinks he's dangerous, and she wonders briefly if a lie or a truth would be more "effective" (weird word choice) before going with the truth. But this next instance of how lies, or impulses to lie, come so easily to Bella, just a few pages later in the same damn chapter...I have to vent.

Now you could argue that Bella considers lying to Edward in his car in self-preservation. Faced with a situation where a near-stranger has grabbed my jacket against my will, dragged me so forcefully I couldn't get my balance or bearings, and threatened me with "I'll just drag you back " if I tried to escape, I'd lie my head off in an attempt to appraise the situation and figure out my best survival strategy. But Meyers has pretty much established that Edward dragging Bella to his car is Manly, Authoritative, and Masterly, rather than Violent and Terrifying, so I think you'd be wrong.

So Bella is weighing the difference between whether a lie or a truth would be more "effective" for reasons other than "how do I get away from this dangerous psycho?" And the sad conclusion I am forced is that the "effect" she's trying for is "what will impress him more/make him think I'm cool/come to the beach on Saturday."

It bothers the hell out of me that Bella is such a liar. It would be one thing if this were acknowledged in the narrative; "Since I was always the one in charge, and any unpleasant reality caused Renee to freak out, I'd fallen into the habit of keeping my thoughts to myself. I'd found I was surprisingly good at saying one thing while thinking another, although I sometimes wondered whether honing my skills at blatant lies might cause me regrets further down the road. But it had kept the peace with Renee and Phil, and it seemed to be working at making life in Forks bearable, so I put these occasional twinges of conscience aside." But what we get is a contradiction between Bella's self-proclaimed truthfulness and her constant lying that Meyers appears not to have noticed.

Ana Mardoll said...

Great catch -- I missed both of those!

Steph said...

Apologies if this was mentioned earlier (I'm skipping to the end) but...
FIFTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS for photographs?

John Magnum said...

I tend to feel sympathy for characters like Lauren because even their actual in-text terribleness is so obviously constructed. She's not really a terrible person in any coherent fashion, she's just a bunch of Bad Person Traits crudely shoved into a chassis to play the role of Person Bella Triumphs Over. It's so blatant and artificial that you feel bad for whatever fragments of actual character sneak their way into the text.

Liz Coleman said...

I'll speak up regarding Goat Rocks and research fail. It's a pretty popular backpacking spot, (so they'd be dodging lots of hikers, possibly even in early spring) though I can't say I've heard much about bears. What they do have, however, is mountain goats, (note the name) which are frankly more dangerous than bears, anyway.

cjmr said...

Maybe this is a mean/median/mode thing? The average in the US is (or was, no idea how old those numbers are) 5'4" which happens to be my height, but almost all the women I know are significantly shorter or taller than me. Husband is 6'2" and it's not terribly unusual for us to meet women his height.

I'm 5'5". I do meet women my own height +/- 1 inch quite frequently. I also meet lots of women who appear to be much taller than I am but who are wearing 2.5-3.5 inch heels. I think I know only three women who are taller than 5'8". One of them is my sister-in-law. Until she married my step-brother Paul, my sister and I were the tallest women in the family.

cjmr said...

$15K for head shots would make them really successful scam artists!

The daughter of a friend of mine in MD who had head shots taken for a legitimate modeling agent paid $2500. I think that was in 2002.

Fluffy_goddess said...

Well, now I'm picturing Alice waltzing down the street with Bella's truck held above her head on a pole (the better to serve as an umbrella!) whilst humming Singing in the Rain. Scratch that, I want her doing the original choreography, and then sheepishly grinning and calling on Jasper to wipe Charlie into calm disinterest when he (as the only cop we know) catches and scowls at her.

(Everyone has seen it, yes/no? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1ZYhVpdXbQ just in case.)

I think the way *everyone* in this book is almost immediately pairbonded is both kind of insanely creepy, and yet understandable. Partly it's because Forks seems to secretly be a cross between Area 51 and Stepford, with a dash of Sunnydale Syndrome. Partly it's because we have one very, very limited point of view character.

I think Bella is, for all that it's not one of her more prominently *named* traits, someone who bases a lot of her social expectations on those socially problematic classics we keep hearing about her reading. She probably also absorbs the occasional Hollywood High School plot from more modern fiction. So even if she was coming into a perfectly normal highschool, where people pair off and break up in hours-long relationships, and people are talking about sex/dating a lot more than they're actually doing it, she'd be expecting to find couples, and she'd be projecting stability and permanence onto what she saw. People who are happily single don't exist within her worldview, so she's not going to see them even if they're there. Boys and girls just being friends probably also don't exist. Honestly, she strikes me as the kind of person who'd be taken in by anyone pretending to be straight or pretending to be in a relationship just so they can survive highschool in a small town and get out as soon as they can with minimal damage.

(I'm not sure if I'm still talking about Bella, or if I'm now talking about SMeyer. Both?)

Brad said...

>>Ana's Question 10: Why has everyone in Forks High School pair-bonded? Weird. In my experiences, most high school romances last about six weeks on average. Forks is a very strange place, what with everyone having cars and being pair-bonded. <<

Sounds like Riverdale.

>>I'm sort of picturing it now as this hilariously un-self aware place where -everyone- is secretly a vampire or a werewolf or a lizard-person or something, all trying to hide their non-human status from each other.<<

That reminds me of a cartoon Sergio Aragones did for "Mad Looks at Twilight." Bella lusts for Edward, Edward reveals he's a vampire. Bella lusts for Jacob, Jacob reveals he's a werewolf. Bella looks at all the other boys on campus and sees them as the Frankenstein Monster, Freddy Krueger, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, etc.

Actually a better comparison might be the manga Rosario + Vampire, about a high school for monsters where they can't reveal themselves because they're trying to learn to pass for human. (Naturally the POV character is the sole human.)

kbeth said...

In response to the pair-bonding question: Is everyone actually pair-bonded? So far, we've seen that some of the girls have feelings for some of the boys (while the boys, of course, are all fawning over Bella) and then some people are actually dating. Maybe I'm remembering my own high school experience through the lens of teen romance tropes or something, but this actually seems...not exactly totally accurate, but the shape of the idea is right. My high school experience was that everyone was *full* of hormones, and at any given time, some of my friends would be in what seemed like stable relationships (which would of course be over in a few months), a few would be happily single, and many would be in a state of trying to get with other people (or trying to dissuade them). And part of the way it worked was that even though we knew *intellectually* that the situation would probably be very different in a few months, at any given time it *felt* like things would be like that For Ever And Ever. Again, maybe I'm projecting too much from my own experience, but I get a similar feeling from the quoted parts of this post. For example, from the way Lee and Samantha are referred to, it sounds to me like they've been dating for maybe a couple of months -- long enough for high school students to be like "Psssh, they've been dating forever", but not long enough for real problems to have arisen, so there's no gossip about them yet and they still have the illusion of being a completely problem-free couple that everyone can kind of chunk together in their minds.

Just to throw out another possibility for why people would be so into dating: in hindsight, I think part of my motivation for dating people in high school was that the whole idea of romance was so hyped up to us that I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I think that's slightly different from being co-dependent or having one's identity invested in having a boyfriend -- although, given the quoted passages, those ideas probably make more sense for these characters. Of course, most of my motivation was that I was chock-full of teenage hormones and wanted to see what those were all about, too, but of course these characters can't admit to that.

My high school experience was also that many students had cars. To be fair, I grew up in a fairly well-to-do suburb where many parents could afford to buy cars for their children, but of course when you're in a suburb basically the only way to have reasonable mobility and independence is if you can drive. The people I knew with cars didn't get them right after they turned sixteen, usually, but by the time we were seniors it seemed like many people were independent enough of their parents (jobs, after-school activities, and so on) that it made sense for them to have their own car. For example, I was taking classes at a local college my senior year, so it was useful for me to have a car to drive myself to the college during the day. Again, though, this had a lot to do with people being fairly well-off, and I'm not sure if that applies to Forks or not.

Thomas Keyton said...

I find myself loving Alice as a character in this stage when I know almost nothing about her. I have this vague yet awesome concept of Alice in my head. I fear for what will happen to that concept when it meets the actual Alice.

Could it not be blamed on Jasper?

Heqit said...

Ana, I love these Twilight deconstructions. I read them at work, which means they make my every Monday morning brighter (AND I get to read all the awesome comments, too!). I read Twilight wanting a good, cheesy, fluffy high school romance, and came away from it SO PISSED OFF that I'm, well, still ranting two years later. The weird thing is that all of the social-romantic craziness kind of makes sense to me, if I squint my mental eyes and regress back to my childhood in a rural, heavily Christian part of a conservative Southern (US) state when I accepted the status quo unthinkingly and sexism wasn't so much a noun as it was common sense and The Way Things Are. In the light of that self-inflicted partial lobotomy, I feel like I understand SMeyer and that she, like my 12-year-old self, believes that the mores of her local culture are in fact universal and unchanging truths. OK, I may be projecting, but that way things like Charlie not knowing how to cook even though he lived on his own for almost 20 years make sense - of course he doesn't cook! He's a man! Men don't cook! Unless they're grilling! Everyone knows that! No more thought needed! Backstory? What's backstory? and so on...

Anyway, since I'm coming out of lurkerdom and writing a huge comment, I'll chime in belatedly on some of Ana's questions.
#2 - No, I don't believe there's any deeper meaning here. I think SMeyer is just A) showing that Bella is Studious and Literate, and B) reaching for something she thinks will be familiar to her teenage audience: "ohhhhh, Macbeth, ugh! We had to read that last year!"

#4 - Frankly, the whole character of Jessica confuses me. When I first read the book, I judged her by her actions, which were...fine. She was welcoming, outgoing, and friendly, more so than I felt Bella deserved, since Bella seemed to spend most of her time not talking to people. So I had massive cognitive dissonance with the way Jessica is described in Bella's mental narration, and eventually realized that the authorial tone expected that the reader would despise and look down on Jessica. It still makes no sense to me. It's bad when an author goes for "Tell, don't Show" instead of the other way around, but I feel like SMeyer isn't even doing that. It's more like "Show one thing, and then tell you later that of course something else was actually the case all along, duh." Which makes my answer to the "Jessica: Interested or Nosy?" question 'Yes.' She's shown in the text acting interested, and we're apparently supposed to read her as nosy. Gah.

#5 - I actually have a theory for this one! I think that Edward is now hunting more often than he strictly needs to so that he can spend time with Bella without losing control and eating her out of hand (so to speak). So the rest of the Cullen kids aren't hunting because they don't need to, and Emmett just went along with Edward to keep him company and because Emmett enjoys wrestling bears (or goats, as the case may be). In fact, if we're building Mind!Canon, I wouldn't be surprised if Carlisle had some rule about no one hunting alone: if vampires open themselves up to their senses and loosen their control while hunting (as Edward has indicated they do), they should probably have someone with them to make sure that they don't accidentally take out a nearby hiker or something while in that less-controlled-than-usual state. AND then they would still be having a Family Meal! You know how important Dinner With the Family is in many conservative religious cultures...

Going to break off now and perhaps continue in another post, lest I break Disqus and/or my browser.

Scylla Kat said...

Too much to read (while at work)! But still entertaining myself with the idea of the truck-carrying. (Yes, I think it is meant to be spooky... I imaging directing the scene where Bella is looking out at the rain and the empty yard, muses off for a couple of minutes, looks again, and voila, truck. She pauses, listening, remembering, trying to convince herself she heard the truck, but no... just the white noise of rain.)

My 14-year-old niece's dad is a healthy amount over 6 feet, and my sister is 5'7". When my niece got taller than her mom this year, that made her taller than me and her grandmother and pretty much everyone we know that is female.

Saturday, eh? I don't even know, I just check for new ones. This is my favorite Twilight critique because of the alternate story lines that make me laugh. I'm still chuckling at hush money/food money in a jar in an empty kitchen....

chris the cynic said...

Saturday, eh? I don't even know, I just check for new ones.

Oh thank god I'm not the only one. I was starting to think there was something wrong with me.

Silver Adept said...

I'm beginning to wonder whether we are going to need a Dictionary of Twilight Snark shorthand, so that when someone says "Because...Jasper!", talks about the FOOD MONEY jar, or laughs at the latest Edith and Ben sketch, someone new or lurking isn't left in the dark. We're developing ur own internal vocabulary here...maybe we need to start chronicling it.

Also, @Heqit -

That does seem to be the problem, doesn't it? If we look at the characters from only one perspective, they look three-dimensional, but once we shift our gaze, we find ourselves staring at cardboard cutouts of characters. It's trompe-l'oeil.

Ana Mardoll said...

Good idea. We need a list.

1. FOOD MONEY
2. Because Jasper?
3. Lee Stevens
4. Team XYZ
5. Edith and Ben

What am I missing?

cjmr said...

*is looking forward to taking a break tomorrow to read the new Twilight post, now that she knows to look on Saturday*

DavidCheatham said...

I was thinking about other blond jerks while reading this post, and for a split second I read this:

NAME: Lauren Malfoy
HAIR COLOR: White-blond

Rikalous said...

We might need Darkest Sketch and the fact that Mr. Banner is the Hulk. We'll definitely need whatever shorthand we end up with for the game the Cullens play of doing outrageous things without tipping off the normals, because I'm sure it'll be a useful explanation for plenty of things to come.

chris the cynic said...

We'll definitely need whatever shorthand we end up with for the game the Cullens play of doing outrageous things without tipping off the normals, because I'm sure it'll be a useful explanation for plenty of things to come.

I've been thinking of it as being like the price is right (the winner is the one who does something the most absurd without going over) but "Masquerade Price is Right" doesn't really have a ring to it. I've previously called it "let's be absurdly bad at the masquerade" (the quotes being a part of that name) but again we have a lack of ring.

-

Random thought that just popped into my head, Alice is trying to justify her actions to someone who isn't in on the game:

Not-in-on-it Vampire: You walked down the street holding a truck over your head!
Alice: Actually, I danced down the street holding a truck over my head. I figured people would notice the dancing and not the truck. I needed the truck, you see.
Not-in-on-it Vampire: No. I don't see. What could possibly make you think carrying a truck like that was a good idea?
Alice: Well I heard there might be sun, and I was outside, and if I didn't cast a shadow on myself I would have sparkled and given everything away.
Not-in-on-it Vampire: So you carried a truck?!
Alice: Well, an umbrella on a sunny day would have been suspicious.
Not-in-on-it Vampire [is at a loss for words]

Ana Mardoll said...

Masquerade Burlesque?

From Wiki: Burlesque is a literary, dramatic or musical work intended to cause laughter by caricaturing the manner or spirit of serious works, or by ludicrous treatment of their subjects. The word derives from the Italian burlesco, which itself derives from the Italian burla – a joke, ridicule or mockery.

Silver Adept said...

I think that one works, yes. And the other, more immediate meaning in USian heads will work, too. How much are they showing without showing too much?

There's also The Truck Is A TARDIS, a subset of the Bella Has The Script snark. Also , the Schrodinger's Weakness that Bella (and Edward) have, and It Only Makes Sense If You're A Religious Conservative (but nicer-put, I think), the supposed Cullen baseball fandom, and the Bella 6/17 syndrome (where she reverts to childlike behaviors to get what she wants - title's a play on Nanaka 6/17, an anime about a 17-old girl who also has the personality of a 6 year-old girl that comes out)

We may also want a couple TVTropes references, too, for the major head-desk tropes, like Noble Savage, White Men Civilized, Men of Color Animals, and Manic Pixie Dream Girl.

Ana Mardoll said...

Ooh, some of those will be tricky. I'll draft up something... someday... (March?) and we'll have an open thread about it so people can help/chime in. Such a good idea!

Rikalous said...

Shortening "It Only Makes Sense If You're A Religious Conservative" into "Religious Conservative Mindset" gives it a more neutral tone.

gyroninja said...

I've been thinking of it as being like the price is right (the winner is the one who does something the most absurd without going over) but "Masquerade Price is Right" doesn't really have a ring to it. I've previously called it "let's be absurdly bad at the masquerade" (the quotes being a part of that name) but again we have a lack of ring.

I've been thinking of it as the Vampire Penis Game.

Silver Adept said...

@Rikalous -

Ah, thanks. Was having a bit of a snark there, I guess, not entirely warranted.

@Ana Mardoll -

You're welcome, although it does mean more work for you to put together, doesn't it...?

Ana Mardoll said...

It is, but well worth it. :)

But if anyone wants to make a stab at a rough draft and work on it here, I wouldn't mind in the least!! :D

chris the cynic said...

*Bella hears knocking on her window*

*She looks to see a girl outside of it. (Remember that this is a second story window)*

*Bella opens the window.
Girl: Hi.
Bella (confused): Hi.
Girl: I'm Alice
Bella: I'm Bella.
Alice: I know.
Bella: I figured you would, why are you knocking on my window instead of my door?
Alice: Style.
Bella: Come on in.
*Alice climbs through the window*
Alice: Thanks.
Bella: You must be freezing, the rain is pounding out there.
Alice: Yes it is. Does that seem odd to you?
Bella: Why would it be odd?
Alice: Well this climate doesn't have pounding rain.
Bella: I wouldn't know, I'm from Arizona.
Alice: Anyway, you're probably wondering why I came.
Bella: It crossed my mind.
Alice: I was supposed to bring your truck back to you.
Bella: That's nice, but already have my truck.
Alice: I know. But the thing is... the thing is that I don't actually get to do much in this story, good women being invisible and all, so I was really looking forward to finally getting a chance to do something. So I was wondering...
*Alice looks down, and bites her lip (but not in a vampire way, just the way the humans do sometimes)*
Alice: I was wondering if I could borrow your truck so that I could bring it back.
Bella: You want to take my truck away for the sole purpose of bringing it right back again?
Alice: Yes! That's exactly what I want.
Bella (suspicious): Is your brother going to be involved in this?
Alice: Not in the least. This is all me, that's why I was looking forward to it.
Bella: I keep the keys by the door downstairs.
Alice: Thank you.
*Alice hugs Bella*
Alice: Thank you so much.
*Alice runs out of the room and down the stairs. Soon after the truck's engine roars to life and drives away.*

*Bella watches by the window, wondering if it was a good idea to give the keys to time and space to someone she doesn't really know. When her truck comes back into view it isn't touching the ground. Alice is holding it aloft, dancing to unheard music, the wires from headphones visible, though the headphones themselves are hidden under her hair.*

*Bella smiles*

*Alice reaches the house and gently, and silently, sets the truck down. Then dances her way back in the direction whence she came.*

-

So, when looking at pictures of movie-Alice, I suddenly decided that I want Alice to look like The Breakfast Club-Alison. Not quite sure why. It just popped into my head, at which point I looked up pictures of The Breakfast Club-Alison and having looked at those I still feel that way and still don't really know why.

For comparison:
Movie-Alice, as captured quite impressively in a drawing.
The Breakfast Club's Alison.

Silver Adept said...

It's a similar set of poses, so I can see the resemblance between the two. Good possibility, there.

Also, very nice fiction there bringing the two narrative universes together.

JenL said...

But I can understand the "Screw you, Mike, for drooling all over Bella AGAIN," and the "Screw you Bella, for not giving up shotgun so I can sit next to the guy that YOU KNOW I like!" feelings she might be having. Not to mention, "Screw you, Bella, for giving the guy YOU KNOW I LIKE reason to think he might still have a chance with you. I've always wanted to attend a dance with a guy who's crushing on another girl... Not!"

JenL said...

But I can understand the "Screw you, Mike, for drooling all over Bella AGAIN," and the "Screw you Bella, for not giving up shotgun so I can sit next to the guy that YOU KNOW I like!" feelings she might be having. Not to mention, "Screw you, Bella, for giving the guy YOU KNOW I LIKE reason to think he might still have a chance with you. I've always wanted to attend a dance with a guy who's crushing on another girl... Not!"

Beroli said...

Is it really too much to ask for that there is some glimmer of self-awareness here desperately trying to break out? The idea of someone unironically taking Wuthering Heights of Romeo and Juliet as a serious depiction of true love is kind of... Disappointing.
Oh, it gets better...or possibly worse, depending on your point of view.

http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/nm_thestory.html Do a find on that page for "Romeo was a hothead."

Beroli said...

Is it really too much to ask for that there is some glimmer of self-awareness here desperately trying to break out? The idea of someone unironically taking Wuthering Heights of Romeo and Juliet as a serious depiction of true love is kind of... Disappointing.
Oh, it gets better...or possibly worse, depending on your point of view.

http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/nm_thestory.html Do a find on that page for "Romeo was a hothead."

Rikalous said...

Nor does he foolishly stumble his way into an empty castle, make himself at home, and then get himself taken prisoner by an enchanted beast-prince so that his daughter then has to set out on an adventure to rescue him.
Hey now, Maurice is awesome. When Belle's stuck in the castle, his immediate response is to form a posse to rescue her. When that falls through, he stuffs his pockets with blueprints and protractors and rides out to rescue her with SCIENCE!

Is it too much to hope that this is some sort of character allusion in Twilight, that possessing vampire blood has not rid the Cullens of trouble or brought them happiness?
I'm pretty sure that Bella compares her relationship with Edward to both Romeo and Juliet and Wuthering Heights, while simultaneously considering it beautiful true love. Yeah, I think it's too much to hope.

I'm sort of picturing it now as this hilariously un-self aware place where -everyone- is secretly a vampire or a werewolf or a lizard-person or something, all trying to hide their non-human status from each other.
I love this interpretation for the fact that it means that every kind of supernatural critter except the Cullens and maybe the werewolves (I don't recall how inconspicuous they are) have the whole "blending in" thing figured out.

Whereas Edward, who should have 80 years of experience at this, really has no excuse.
Given how standoffish the Cullens are, he might not have had any real chance to practice his social skills with anyone outside the family.

Rikalous said...

Nor does he foolishly stumble his way into an empty castle, make himself at home, and then get himself taken prisoner by an enchanted beast-prince so that his daughter then has to set out on an adventure to rescue him.
Hey now, Maurice is awesome. When Belle's stuck in the castle, his immediate response is to form a posse to rescue her. When that falls through, he stuffs his pockets with blueprints and protractors and rides out to rescue her with SCIENCE!

Is it too much to hope that this is some sort of character allusion in Twilight, that possessing vampire blood has not rid the Cullens of trouble or brought them happiness?
I'm pretty sure that Bella compares her relationship with Edward to both Romeo and Juliet and Wuthering Heights, while simultaneously considering it beautiful true love. Yeah, I think it's too much to hope.

I'm sort of picturing it now as this hilariously un-self aware place where -everyone- is secretly a vampire or a werewolf or a lizard-person or something, all trying to hide their non-human status from each other.
I love this interpretation for the fact that it means that every kind of supernatural critter except the Cullens and maybe the werewolves (I don't recall how inconspicuous they are) have the whole "blending in" thing figured out.

Whereas Edward, who should have 80 years of experience at this, really has no excuse.
Given how standoffish the Cullens are, he might not have had any real chance to practice his social skills with anyone outside the family.

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